Queer activists in extended family


#1

This uncomfortable situation has been causing lots of grief amongst family members and I'd appreciate some input as to handling this; a couple of my extended family are heavily into "Queer" transgender and homosexual activism, paganism, and are virulently anti-Catholic and anti-God. Not content to keep their opinions to themselves they insist you enter into their fantasy world and call the one individual a he, when she is really a she.

My family refuses to lie and kowtow to what we consider indoctrination into outrageous, sinful behavior so we stay away from family events when we know they'll be there. We find ourselves on the outside looking in because other extended family have capitulated to their agenda because they were threatened with not seeing them anymore. Needless to say it's caused a big rift. Any advice?


#2

Don't make the people who still socialize with them into footballs. Find opportunities to meet with that part of your extended family that you are on good terms with elsewhere.


#3

Don't avoid them. Jesus didn't avoid sinners and neither should we. Yes, they're wrong. However, that doesn't make them any less worthy of dignity and respect than the average person. Take them aside and explain that, though you have different viewpoints, you would really like to try to make the relationship work. I have a similar situation with my best childhood friend. We've simply come to an agreement not to talk about it (my faith or her lifestyle) with each-other. Ask that they respect your right to your beliefs and to do so especially in-front of your children. The worst thing you can do is push them away because then you only continue the stereotype that Catholics are intolerant and holier-than-thou. We need to follow Christ's example here; if we don't then why on Earth would we call ourselves Christians?


#4

I see the same on the show "Lock Up".

The police call the transexual convicts by their male name.

The Discovery film crew however, refuse to use the man's name and instead use his make believe "female" name.

:shrug:

The man dressed like a female, tried to talk and walk like a female, wanted male "companionship" and then had mostly naked female photos taped around his cell.

?


#5

[quote="AdriannaJean, post:3, topic:229202"]
Take them aside and explain that, though you have different viewpoints, you would really like to try to make the relationship work.

[/quote]

There's no way in hell, I'd bring my children around transgenders, homosexual activists, Wiccas, anti-religious and anti-Catholic people.

What would one find to talk with them about, the weather?

"How's your penis removal and breast implantation surgeries going?"


#6

[quote="PBTY, post:1, topic:229202"]
This uncomfortable situation has been causing lots of grief amongst family members and I'd appreciate some input as to handling this; a couple of my extended family are heavily into "Queer" transgender and homosexual activism, paganism, and are virulently anti-Catholic and anti-God. Not content to keep their opinions to themselves they insist you enter into their fantasy world and call the one individual a he, when she is really a she.

My family refuses to lie and kowtow to what we consider indoctrination into outrageous, sinful behavior so we stay away from family events when we know they'll be there. We find ourselves on the outside looking in because other extended family have capitulated to their agenda because they were threatened with not seeing them anymore. Needless to say it's caused a big rift. Any advice?

[/quote]

I don't worry much about "extended family." Do you? Just don't go unless they tone it down. :shrug:


#7

The extended family who are the queer activists are my sibling and his "transgender" college-aged child. Thanks to all who have given advice on this - I will consider it all. We've tried the "hate the sin, love the sinner" approach but have been labeled as religious fanatics in return. They want us to get on board and affirm what they are doing as a good thing and we won't.


#8

[quote="PBTY, post:7, topic:229202"]
The extended family who are the queer activists are my sibling and his "transgender" college-aged child. Thanks to all who have given advice on this - I will consider it all. We've tried the "hate the sin, love the sinner" approach but have been labeled as religious fanatics in return. They want us to get on board and affirm what they are doing as a good thing and we won't.

[/quote]

Sounds painful. Refer to that line in the Gospels about Christ coming to bring the sword and pit family members against each other. At some point, you'll need to make a stand and that's about it. You can always leave the door open if they want to talk, but do not compromise on this point.


#9

[quote="Barbkw, post:5, topic:229202"]
There's no way in hell, I'd bring my children around transgenders, homosexual activists, Wiccas, anti-religious and anti-Catholic people.

What would one find to talk with them about, the weather?

"How's your penis removal and breast implantation surgeries going?"

[/quote]

When you take the time to get to know someone you find a lot to talk about. And how, exactly, do you plan to keep your kids away from all those things? Lock them in their closets for the rest of their lives? This is a learning experience for the kids because they need to learn how to treat people kindly and fairly without ever backing down on their faith. While it's important to not condone what they're doing, you can always choose to love them and treat them well regardless of what they do.


#10

[quote="AdriannaJean, post:9, topic:229202"]
When you take the time to get to know someone you find a lot to talk about. And how, exactly, do you plan to keep your kids away from all those things? Lock them in their closets for the rest of their lives? This is a learning experience for the kids because they need to learn how to treat people kindly and fairly without ever backing down on their faith. While it's important to not condone what they're doing, you can always choose to love them and treat them well regardless of what they do.

[/quote]

I don't think it does any good for a child to watch their parents being vilified. I don't think it does a child any good to watch his or her parents choose to go into a situation where strife or an untenable pretense are the only two alternatives. I don't think it does a child good to be exposed to anti-Catholic sentiments, especially not coming from relatives.

If the relatives were only of a different faith or had different ideas about what was permissible as to family arrangements, that would be one thing. Once it becomes clear that the acceptance is only going one way, though, then shaking the dust off of your feet is really the best way to go. There is nothing unkind about it.


#11

[quote="PBTY, post:7, topic:229202"]
The extended family who are the queer activists are my sibling and his "transgender" college-aged child. Thanks to all who have given advice on this - I will consider it all. We've tried the "hate the sin, love the sinner" approach but have been labeled as religious fanatics in return. They want us to get on board and affirm what they are doing as a good thing and we won't.

[/quote]

That's not so "extended," that's pretty immediate family. Your brother and niece or nephew is a pretty close relationship. I have no wisdom for you except you already know that you're right, but it doesn't help a whole lot.


#12

[quote="PBTY, post:7, topic:229202"]
The extended family who are the queer activists are my sibling and his "transgender" college-aged child. Thanks to all who have given advice on this - I will consider it all. We've tried the "hate the sin, love the sinner" approach but have been labeled as religious fanatics in return. They want us to get on board and affirm what they are doing as a good thing and we won't.

[/quote]

Well, there's the height of hypocrisy on their part. They try to force their beliefs on you, and that's ok. But yet you simply standing up for your beliefs makes you "religious fanatics"? There appears to be more than a little fanaticism on their side of the road, log vs splinters in various eyeballs and all that.

I would suggest that you tell them that if they can't accept you for who you are, how would they ever expect you to accept them for who they are? Two way street with double yellow centerline.

The best you can do is to live the faith and stand by your convictions.

ETA: I'm not familiar with the Church's teaching on transgender operations, I know there were a couple of threads on it. You may want to look into it.


#13

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:11, topic:229202"]
That's not so "extended," that's pretty immediate family. Your brother and niece or nephew is a pretty close relationship. I have no wisdom for you except you already know that you're right, but it doesn't help a whole lot.

[/quote]

yeah

I would just talk to my brother directly about it. But I talk to my brothers about everything.....


#14

[quote="EasterJoy, post:10, topic:229202"]
I don't think it does any good for a child to watch their parents being vilified. I don't think it does a child any good to watch his or her parents choose to go into a situation where strife or an untenable pretense are the only two alternatives. I don't think it does a child good to be exposed to anti-Catholic sentiments, especially not coming from relatives.

If the relatives were only of a different faith or had different ideas about what was permissible as to family arrangements, that would be one thing. Once it becomes clear that the acceptance is only going one way, though, then shaking the dust off of your feet is really the best way to go. There is nothing unkind about it.

[/quote]

:thumbsup: Agree completely!!

To the OP: we're in a similar situation. BIL is "married" to a transsexual man who dresses like a woman and takes female hormones. It can be really difficult. And again, BIL was always the one starting the discussion, every single time we met, about religion, talking against God and Christianity, about overpopulation, etc.
In our case, BIL decided to end the relationship. He stopped answering DH's calls, and then later moved. We have no idea where he lives right now, or what his phone number is. PIL refuse to give us any info about him. :shrug: So, I guess that solves the problem for us.

Really sorry you have to go through this. It's never easy. I believe, however, that EasterJoy is right in what she recommends, esp. if one has children, as we do. The only thing we can do is pray. Only God can help them and turn their hearts around.


#15

[quote="PBTY, post:7, topic:229202"]
The extended family who are the queer activists are my sibling and his "transgender" college-aged child. Thanks to all who have given advice on this - I will consider it all. We've tried the "hate the sin, love the sinner" approach but have been labeled as religious fanatics in return. They want us to get on board and affirm what they are doing as a good thing and we won't.

[/quote]

In this case it is them who are pushing you away, not the other way around. You are being insulted and your faith is trashed. You have every right to distance yourself until they chill out a bit and start treating you like family, rather then a case to be won. Pray for them and be charitable as much as you can.
And yes, Jesus ate with sinners, but his aim was to get them to repent and come to God, not to affirm their sinful behaviour.


#16

[quote="PBTY, post:1, topic:229202"]
This uncomfortable situation has been causing lots of grief amongst family members and I'd appreciate some input as to handling this; a couple of my extended family are heavily into "Queer" transgender and homosexual activism, paganism, and are virulently anti-Catholic and anti-God. Not content to keep their opinions to themselves they insist you enter into their fantasy world and call the one individual a he, when she is really a she.

My family refuses to lie and kowtow to what we consider indoctrination into outrageous, sinful behavior so we stay away from family events when we know they'll be there. We find ourselves on the outside looking in because other extended family have capitulated to their agenda because they were threatened with not seeing them anymore. Needless to say it's caused a big rift. Any advice?

[/quote]

I'm agnostic, and sometimes have been involved in 'queer' culture, and I think the important thing for you is to understand that they are not simply being bad and sinful - the decision to, for example, see a transgender person as the opposite sex is usually more about considering that persons feelings than your own. Theyre trying to be decent people, and you need to see this before you start condemning them.

They may be misled, but they are not necessarily immoral or amoral. Why can you not see them and make it clear that you personally do not approve? You cant make them change their lives for you and they probably wont, but is it any reason to have such a rift in the family?

For example, in my family Im a veggie and basically no one else is. Now, for me this is a moral thing and sometimes it does get me down: it feels like no one else in my family cares about what happens to animals etc, BUT I can still live with them and see them and just avoid the topic.

Unless these people live only for queer rights... :S


#17

[quote="Lethe, post:16, topic:229202"]
I'm agnostic, and sometimes have been involved in 'queer' culture, and I think the important thing for you is to understand that they are not simply being bad and sinful - the decision to, for example, see a transgender person as the opposite sex is usually more about considering that persons feelings than your own. Theyre trying to be decent people, and you need to see this before you start condemning them.

They may be misled, but they are not necessarily immoral or amoral. Why can you not see them and make it clear that you personally do not approve? You cant make them change their lives for you and they probably wont, but is it any reason to have such a rift in the family?

For example, in my family Im a veggie and basically no one else is. Now, for me this is a moral thing and sometimes it does get me down: it feels like no one else in my family cares about what happens to animals etc, BUT I can still live with them and see them and just avoid the topic.

Unless these people live only for queer rights... :S

[/quote]

I don't know for sure that this is the case (though it seemed to be implied by the OP), but if the situation is that the OP and their immediate family is refusing to acknowledge the preferred gender (and presumably name) of a member of the extended family... I just don't see a way around that. It's hard to live and let live when somebody is consistently refusing to call you by (as you see it) your proper name, or consistently referring to your son as "she."

There may well be some extreme anti-Catholic sentiment in the extended family, but if the situation is as I described, I think they aren't unjustified in that. Refusing to approve of an identity is one thing, but refusing to acknowledge it goes too far, and slams the door on any possibility of communication or reconciliation. How can you productively communicate with somebody who can't even get your name right?


#18

Personally I would still go to the family functions, be loving to everyone but at the same time stick to your guns as to your beliefs if challenged.


#19

I probably should have made clear that I'm primarily interested in hearing advice from others who hold to traditional Catholic teaching regarding these types of moral issues, because that is the only teachings I follow in issues of morality. Not trying to be flippant, but I didn't realize that Catholic Answers also has a number of non-Christians posting who most likely do not follow Catholic teaching. That doesn't mean a non-Christian has nothing valid to say but only that I wish to comply with the doctrine of my Catholic faith.


#20

[quote="PBTY, post:19, topic:229202"]
I probably should have made clear that I'm primarily interested in hearing advice from others who hold to traditional Catholic teaching regarding these types of moral issues, because that is the only teachings I follow in issues of morality. Not trying to be flippant, but I didn't realize that Catholic Answers also has a number of non-Christians posting who most likely do not follow Catholic teaching. That doesn't mean a non-Christian has nothing valid to say but only that I wish to comply with the doctrine of my Catholic faith.

[/quote]

CA welcomes members of all faiths, and those of no faith.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.