I have to preface this question by saying that my husband and I are desperately wanting a baby! We’ve been trying for quite some time.
I do, however, have problems with pain during intercourse. It always hurts, and I would say at least 50% of the time it is very painful.
I think because I am anticipating that pain, there are times when we can’t achieve intercourse, at which point we either stop in frustration (if it’s clear that it is not going to work) or the sex becomes not potentially procreative.
If we are trying to have intercourse, is there sin involved here? I know there isn’t sin when we stop in time, but it’s the other times when I never know if I should feel guilty.
And yes, I have sought medical help for the pain. I have a retroverted uterus which I’ve heard increases pain. My most recent doctor suspects endometriosis and said that can cause pain as well, but I haven’t had a lap yet.
Morally speaking, the fact of trying to perform the marital act, completely, with the intention of ending it, in the natural way, is not immoral, even if there is no natural ending because of strong pain of wife or of husband, or both of them. That not sinful for wife, for husband, thus not for the couple.
The involuntary " coitus interruptus ", coming from him, coming from her, or coming from them (him and her) before the completion of the act, and he finishes it outside, because of an accident in link with exterior events or in link with interior events from him, from her, from them, without intention, is not immoral, for both of them. BECAUSE INVOLUNTARY, OF COURSE. HERE, THE CAUSE IS THE PAIN
Like a wife, you have the moral obligation to see a catholic physician, a catholic psychologist, a catholic doctor in sexology , in order to identify the medical issues** ( physical, physiological, psychological, mental issues). **After, you have to try the medical treatments.
Like a wife you, have the moral obligation to see a catholic priest , in order to identify the moral and spiritual issues (religious questions). After, you must try the moral and spiritual advices.
Like a husband, he has the moral obligation to see a catholic physician, a catholic psychologist, a catholic doctor in sexology , in order to identify the medical issues ( physical, physiological -, psychological, mental issues). After, he has to try the medical treatments.
Like a husband, he has the moral obligation to see a catholic priest , in order to identify **the moral and spiritual issues **(religious questions). After, he must try the moral and spiritual advices.
Your couple has to try the medical treatments and your couple has to try the moral and spiritual advices.
NB: In my humble opinion, in your situation, not to focus strongly on the material end of marital act, and your will to have baby. Before all , **focus on preliminaries, sensual foreplay, sexual preliminaries on all your body. **
A question for your couple: Do you agree with the conjugal foreplay, in the human way, with a great sexual cooperation between you and your husband? Foreplay are great. It is very moral, very useful, very conjugal.
I agree with fpt here and think this especially is good advice. Even though it is a small “fix” you might also consider using lubricants if you don’t already - water-based tend to be gentle and can be gotten at any pharmacy, or something like coconut oil. Obviously if there is a larger medical issue that won’t fix everything, but I know it can make things easier for a lot of women. It can also introduce a playful component that may make it easier for you to relax (being all tensed up and worried makes it hard to enjoy sex, as I’m sure you know.)
What you describe does not seem immoral at all - if the intent is to complete the sexual act but you are unable to do so because of pain, that is not the same thing as going into sexual activity not intending to complete the act.
There’s no obligation to finish the act once started (unless, maybe, your husband is in a bad way, in which case you may have a duty in charity to let him complete). The main thrust of Catholic sexual morality is that the act should be completed in a manner consistent with the end of the sexual faculty, i.e., intravaginal ejaculation in the context of marriage without contraception.
Intimacy will bind you and your husband, not only now, but for the rest of your lives. The better you are at it now, the stronger you marriage will be latter. As several persons before have mentioned, foreplay is absolutely moral and essential. It will help lubricate you and get your husband to completion much faster. Also, another poster mentioned coconut oil. It has done wonders for my wife and I
Don’t force things and don’t do things out of “duty”’ it makes things worse. Your experiences now will be magnified in later life. Make those experiences good…not bad. It took us several gynecologists to get a good diagnosis. Don’t rely on a family practitioner. Best wishes to both of you.
Only catholic physicians:
in physical and physiological sexology;
in mental and psychiatrical sexology;
in gynecology and in obstetric;
Only catholic psychologists:
in sexual psychology
Only catholic priests with a specialization in conjugal sexual morality (philosopher of marital act, theologian of marital act, moralist of marital act, ethicist of marital act)
ARE CAPABLE TO HELP YOU AND YOUR COUPLE.
YOU NEED TO GET CATHOLIC SPECIALISTS AROUND YOU FOR ATTEMPTING TO SOLVE THE DIFFERENT ISSUES ABOUT THE MARITAL ACT, WITH HIS COROLLARIES.
THE SPECIALIZATION OF DOCTORS AND OF PRIESTS IS VERY IMPORTANT.