Anyway, for the past 10 years I have been open to being convicted by the Holy Spirit for the abortions. By ‘open’ I mean that I am proactive in watching abortion discussions of all sorts (I watch primarily Christian channels so they come up fairly often). I’ve gone to Fr. Frank Pavone’s “Priests for Life” website and viewed the stages of development of potential humans/babies/fetuses (I don’t want this to be sidelined over terms.) I worked in the medical field for 25 years and at one time (18 y.o.) worked in the pathology department of a hospital where aborted fetuses were saved, so I wasn’t surprised. All I’m saying is that I still remain willing to be convicted by the Holy Spirit.
It hasn’t happened and I am at a loss as to what others angles I can approach this situation. Perhaps it revolves around my thinking at the time, “I made the best decision I could with the information I had (about my state of mind/beliefs).” Being military, it wasn’t about finances and it wasn’t about social stigma of having a child out of wedlock as it was quite common.
I watch the programs and listen to the testimonies of those who regret their decision. I’m just not one of them, thus far. And if I count all of the possible abortions from having an IUD for a long period of time (which doesn’t prevent conception but only implantation - which I knew at the time), then what? How does doctor-assissted abortion differ from an IUD abortion? I don’t hear people naming the possible children lost by IUD use … in fact, I hear nothing on EWTN about IUD use at all. Come to think of it, I’ve never heard any pro-lifer talk about IUDs. Hmm.
The lack of conviction by the Holy Spirit has me wondering if ‘true life’ doesn’t really begin only after the first breath. That perhaps there is spiritually more to that moment between delivery and the first cry that we all wait with baited breath and hope happens (I worked in OB as a medic on rotation for three months in the National Guard).
Even if I subsconsienciously believed that all children go to heaven under the age of 7, it doesn’t explain the situation with regard to *my own *soul - which I now care greatly about.
I was convicted of those I slept with outside of marriage, and confessed each one individually praying that the life force I stole from them in my depravity would be returned to them.
However, when it comes to the visible abortions (as opposed to the hidden ones by IUD), I get no other readings. Maybe the babies told God they were grateful I wasn’t their mother on this earth and to not hold it against me? I just don’t know.
I can’t be the only person in this situation but I’ve been unable to find information to help.
Thanks for any input anyone may have. Please don’t read this as a debate about pro-life vs. pro-choice. To recap: it’s about a missing element for Confession to be valid.