So I went and gave a really good confession today, or so I thought. But some things are nagging at me.
I used to drink A LOT, every other day or so, to excess.
I have cut back significantly. I no longer drink more than once or twice a week, and when I do, although the amount I drink may be more than many people can tolerate, I don’t drink past the point of a nice good buzz. If anything on tv starts to get that fuzzy little halo around it, I stop or slow down significantly When I do drink (to relax and have fun with hubby) it’s always at home, and I never pass out or throw up or lose control or commit any other sins while drinking. Maybe one out of every 3-5 times that I drink, I’m a little fuzzy on some details the next day. Like “Oh yeah, we DID talk about that last night!” Very occasionally I will not remember a conversation at all, but hardly ever.
So my understanding is that this is not mortally sinful drinking…imprudent maybe at times.
So while I was saying the act of contrition, it says the part about “near occasion of sin”. Now alcohol is really my one real vice. I have 2 toddlers and about once a week I do like to unwind on the couch with hubby and have a few while the kids are asleep. But sometimes it can be a bit too much as I stated above, but not that often. So the thought popped into my head that maybe I’m not avoiding the near occasion of sin and that I don’t intend to. But this isn’t really “near occasion” is it? It’s not like I get trashed or anything. I also had the thought that at some point in my life, I probably WILL overdo it in a big way again, like on New Year’s or something…not intentionally drinking to the point of being sick or passing out or anything, but just that at some point in my life again I will probably be out with friends on a special occasion and have too much to drink. I’m not PLANNING on it of course, haha, but when you don’t go out more than once a year with friends you never see, sometimes the energy of the night gets the better of you and you go a little nuts
My question is, do these thoughts, and the thought that I had about not wanting to avoid the near occasion of sin affect my absolution? Or am I just being overly-scrupulous about it because I had problems controlling myself in the past?