Question about cousin's remarriage


#1

My cousin got a divorce after 34 years of marriage. His wife was very abusive, but I guess that's beside the point.

When he separated from his xw, he moved in with another woman, also a Catholic but a widow.

My cousin and this woman got married a couple of years ago in a civil ceremony. My cousin has not sought out an annullment of his previous marraige.

Both my cousin and his new wife attend mass regularly and receive Communion.

Are they allowed to do this if my cousin's first marriage hasn't been annulled?

No one in the family wants to point this out to my cousin for fear of offending them both.

thanks


#2

[quote="nancymarie, post:1, topic:225972"]
Are they allowed to do this if my cousin's first marriage hasn't been annulled?

[/quote]

No. Those who are divorced and remarried outside the Church may not receive Communion.

See this Vatican document.

[quote="nancymarie, post:1, topic:225972"]
No one in the family wants to point this out to my cousin for fear of offending them both.

[/quote]

Well, family members may not be privvy to all the details-- such as a decree of nullity and convalidation that the couple has chosen to keep private-- so should always view actions of others in the most charitable light. I don't know that I would "point out" things to someone without being sure of all my facts. It's really their priests role to counsel them on these matters, not family members.


#3

[quote="nancymarie, post:1, topic:225972"]
My cousin got a divorce after 34 years of marriage. His wife was very abusive, but I guess that's beside the point.

When he separated from his xw, he moved in with another woman, also a Catholic but a widow.

My cousin and this woman got married a couple of years ago in a civil ceremony. My cousin has not sought out an annullment of his previous marraige.

Both my cousin and his new wife attend mass regularly and receive Communion.

Are they allowed to do this if my cousin's first marriage hasn't been annulled?

No one in the family wants to point this out to my cousin for fear of offending them both.

thanks

[/quote]

They should not be receiving communion.

Maybe you should try discussing annulment with your cousin. This may bring to light the issue without offending him.


#4

[quote="nancymarie, post:1, topic:225972"]
My cousin got a divorce after 34 years of marriage. His wife was very abusive, but I guess that's beside the point.

When he separated from his xw, he moved in with another woman, also a Catholic but a widow.

My cousin and this woman got married a couple of years ago in a civil ceremony. My cousin has not sought out an annullment of his previous marraige.

Both my cousin and his new wife attend mass regularly and receive Communion.

Are they allowed to do this if my cousin's first marriage hasn't been annulled?

No one in the family wants to point this out to my cousin for fear of offending them both.

thanks

[/quote]

Am I my brother's keeper? The answer is YES! Of course you shouldn't make a point of making your cousin look ridiculous to other members of the family, but surely it would ease your conscience to have a private discussion with him. He may say that it's none of your business, but you would have done what you could for him. Tell him you will pray for him. Tell him, also, the offense to our Lord, and the harm he is doing to his soul, when he receives Communion unworthily. Stress to him the scandal he is causing to all who are familiar with his situation. If you are truly concerned for your cousin's welfare, you will make the effort. Let him know you care.


#5

I think in these situations the best thing to do is to ask questions. Like did you know that the decree of nullity process is available to anyone who would like to have their past marriage examined? Do you know why this is important? Have you done this? We should not assume he has not - he may not have discussed it after they were married or they may b some internal forum that was done by the tribunal, etc.


#6

I know for certain that his first marriage has not been annulled nor is he trying to have it annulled at this time. He may not even be aware that he shouldn’t be receiving Communion.


#7

You need to speak to him about it. Whether he is aware or not, he should not be receiving communion and if you are aware then you do have an obligation to tell him.


#8

[quote="nancymarie, post:6, topic:225972"]
I know for certain that his first marriage has not been annulled nor is he trying to have it annulled at this time. He may not even be aware that he shouldn't be receiving Communion.

[/quote]

How do you know for certain - he has told you this - because this is the only way you can know. If you have already had this conversation than I think coming on here and asking for advice on how to address this issue is a bit misleading as handling that conversation after subsequent conversations would be handled differently.


#9

Yes I know this for certain as his sister is the one who talked to me about it.

He’s so far decided not to pursue an annulment – I believe he feels his ex-wife and daughter would become even more vindictive if annulment proceedings were started. His daughter is still angry about the demise of his marriage to her mother and blames him. With an annulment, he fears she would attempt to even further restrict access to his grandchildren. A very unfortunate situation.


#10

Here is my personal opinion on how I would handle this situation.

If you go to church and see him walk in and have communion, I would not say a thing because you don't know all the details

If on the other hand, he calls you up and says 'Wouldn't it be nice to go to church together', that is when I would say: 'I take my faith very seriously and if you want to come with me I have a moral obligation to point out a few things I think you may not be aware of'. That is his chance to say 'I don't want to hear it' which I would respect. If he doesn't then I would politely point out he should not receive communion

The threat of not seeing his grandkids is big, the possibility of not going to heaven is HUGE. For that reason, if in your heart of heart you seriously believe he is not aware of the sin, you should point it out at the appropriate moment. Such as when the topic of religoin comes up between you in private.

However, if you think he knows it is wrong and is just letting secular influence justify his actions, then you need to respect his free will. Also, making a point to seek him out just to tell him is uncharitable

CM


#11

I'm really don't know if he's aware it's wrong. He probably doesn't know.

He had a very tough 34 years with a mentally abusive spouse and left to save his health. I can't and don't judge his actions with respect to taking the Sacrament.

Unfortunately he's in a very difficult spot with respect to his daughter and still suffers needless condemnation and disrespect from her.


#12

I sympathize with the situation with his daughter, however God said something to the effect that whoever breaks one law has broken them all (I am not good with memorizing bible quotes)

God never said ‘If your daughter is mad at you, it is OK to sin’

This is not about his daughters opinion. This is about you praying for guidance from God to know how much you spread the word and how much you live and let live

CM


#13

[quote="cmscms, post:12, topic:225972"]
I sympathize with the situation with his daughter, however God said something to the effect that whoever breaks one law has broken them all (I am not good with memorizing bible quotes)

God never said 'If your daughter is mad at you, it is OK to sin'

This is not about his daughters opinion. This is about you praying for guidance from God to know how much you spread the word and how much you live and let live

CM

[/quote]

Good point CM. I'll pray about it.


#14

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