Question about dating


#1

So I met this guy at college about 10 months ago and we've become very good friends. He's a great guy and he really likes me and cares for me. He essentially asked me out back in November and I told him I wanted to become better friends first. And so that's what we did. At the end of the school year he asked if I'd thought anymore about dating and I told him I had, but I wanted to wait until after summer break to make a decision.

Basically, I really like him and we seem to have a special connection. Except for one little problem. He's not Catholic. He's open to the idea about learning about Catholicism, but he doesn't really have a strong faith of his own, even though he does believe in God. My faith is very important to me and it's such a huge part of who I am. I really want to marry someone who's Catholic, and therefore I want to date strong, Catholic guys. We have many things in common and connect in many ways except in the religion/faith department.

I'm torn. Part of me says I should just say yes and take that leap of faith, but the other half is nagging at me reminding me we don't share that Catholic foundation that is so essential to who I am.

Any advice?


#2

What a great opportunity to possibly convert someone. I myself am a soon to be Catholic because of someone I dated. I, like you said the guy you are thinking about dating, did not have strong religious values at all before I met this person and have now decided to join the Catholic church! Also, I have found that it is usually easier to lead people to Catholicism when they don't have strong religious beliefs of any kind versus if they are strongly protestant. The most important thing is that you don't date him with the express purpose of converting him...if you do that it may never happen. However if you show him the Church through you actions, or inviting him to Mass with you sometimes, you may just see him becoming more and more interested!

If he is a good person and someone you could actually see spending your life with, don't let it go just because he may not have been introduced to the Catholic church. In fact, if he really is a good person, he may be more Catholic than you think already :)


#3

Thanks for the advice! It’s really nice to hear that coming from someone who was converted because they were dating a Catholic person.

PS May God bless you in your faith journey! And Congratulations on soon becoming Catholic. :thumbsup:


#4

I'm going through the EXACT same thing right now! I've always seen myself marrying another strong Catholic like myself, but I have such strong feelings for this guy that doesn't identify with any religion.

I would say pray about it. Take some time and really think it over. If it's God's will, you will be together. Not saying this will happen, but he could convert. Don't count on it though. Think about specific things that might cause problems in a relationship or marriage, such as chastity, birth control, etc.

God Bless :)


#5

I would say dating would not be a problem but you need to make it clear at some point in the discernemt process that you are not interested in marrying a non-Catholic. You also need to know that things take time and he cannot convert for you but must convert for himself. If you do not think you can marry a non-Catholic and it does not look like he will convert you should be prepared to break up with him. God bless.


#6

Is it clear to him that Faithful Catholics don’t “date” but “court” with the intention of marriage? And that we don’t fool around with foreplay, sex, kissing, etc. etc.?

If he is confused, conversion may be needed before courting…


#7

My future husband went through what you must be going through when he met me. He's a cradle Catholic who is very passionate about his faith and wanted to find a nice Catholic girl to court and make his wife. He found me. An agnostic, liberal, tomboy (Yankee too! Poor southern boy) but we were the best of friends. He even said he looked me up on facebook and saw my preferences and thought "well, at least I know we can just be really good friends and I don't have to worry about something more."

I was confirmed this Easter and in ten months we'll be married. He's told me time and time again that watching my conversion process strengthened his faith and was one of the most rewarding things he's gotten to be a part of. I'm not saying this guy will magically have a religious experience and convert to Catholicism, but what I am saying is that if he does you will have an amazing journey together. You may end up being perfectly suited for one another and find yourself on the path to marriage, or you may find that you're not quite right for each other but leave each other better off for having tried. You never know.

So long as he knows that an intensely physical relationship is off the books and respects that, I see no harm in cultivating a closer relationship (emotionally) with him. His willingness to have your faith shared with him is a very encouraging sign and a wonderful opportunity. If he's a nice guy who treats you with respect, compassion, and understanding then chances are he's already on the road to being a good Catholic man and just needs some loving nudging. :thumbsup:

I wish you all the best in your discerning! May God guide you in the right direction.

-Rae


#8

[quote="JoyfulLife, post:6, topic:246259"]
Is it clear to him that Faithful Catholics don't "date" but "court" with the intention of marriage? And that we don't fool around with foreplay, sex, kissing, etc. etc.?
If he is confused, conversion may be needed before courting...

[/quote]

No kissing? Really?


#9

Here’s one thought to add to the good advice I already see posted for you here…I also see SO MANY posts here–hundreds–from Catholics who are married who are having anguish now because their spouses are either not Catholic or do not take their Catholicism seriously. They are upset at wives wanting to use birth control, husbands cheating or not going to church, etc, etc.
So be cautious!
My advice would be to continue being friends with him and not “date” him until/unless he becomes or wants to become Catholic. The non-Catholic world is so different than the Catholic one…so, SO very different and specific, as I’m sure you know, on almost every level. Marriage is a challenge as it is, I can’t imagine it working unless you two were following the same set of laws/rules/objectives. It’s like dating someone from another country who has a completely different language and set of customs. The whole paradigm of thinking and acting is different.

So…again…be careful! :slight_smile:


#10

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.