I am not catholic, though my theology is very similar. When I go to mass with my family member who is catholic I am reminded that I am not welcome to commune. After much prayer and meditation I have arrived at a conclusion that scares me. I am seeking help in understanding where my conclusions are false. This is my logic.
Sacraments are symbols that convey what they symbolize. In the case of catholic sacraments, they all result in God giving grace to the participant.
Eucharist is the sacrament of Jesus’ death on the cross, which is how/when Jesus/God forgave our sins.
Because this is a sacrament, and it conveys what it symbolizes, it conveys forgiveness of all the participant’s sins. This is grace.
Further, Jesus’ death on the cross was the culmination of his love for humanity. It is the ultimate form of his love for us.
So, those who participate in Eucharist are given complete forgiveness for their sins, receive the ultimate form of grace, and are truly loved by Jesus. (How wildly powerful!)
This leaves those who are unwelcome to participate thinking where they stand. There are a myriad of reasons to not be welcome at Eucharist, being in a state of mortal sin, not being Catholic, not having forgiven someone who asked, and others that don’t come to mind at the moment.
Back to my logic.
Those who are unwelcome to participate in Eucharist do not receive what Eucharist conveys. These things are, forgiveness of their sins, God’s grace, Jesus’ love.
This conclusion screams one truth to me, Jesus didn’t die for you. Jesus doesn’t love you.
For obvious reasons, every mass I attend leaves me in despair, wondering why Jesus doesn’t love me. Surely, if he didn’t die for me then he doesn’t love me.
Needless to say, as I have been increasingly been attending mass I have been becoming more and more distant from God. I have tried reaching out to family and catholic clergy. No one has convinced me I’m wrong. I know that I must be wrong and I desperately need to know why.
Thank you for your time.