Question about visiting a friend/family member etiquette


When you have a one night sleep over at a friend or family member’s house, do you normally make the bed in the morning?

I don’t because I assume that they are going to tear off the sheets and wash them after I leave. So I leave the bed unmade. Is that considered rude or the wrong etiquette?


I would assume they are going to wash the sheets also. So, I normally take them off the bed and make the bed with the comforter only and ask, “where would you like me to put the sheets?”


I would assume the same thing. So would Miss Manners (Judith Martin).

And don’t forget some little something as a “hostess gift”.


This is one of those cases where the polite thing to do requires actual words in the form of a question.

The question about where to put the sheets allows the host/hostess to have the option of telling you to leave the sheets alone or to do something else.


**If I didn’t have a chance to ask the host/hostess in advance, I think I would strip the bed and fold everything nicely and leave a thank you note on top…

if someone was staying at my home I honestly wouldn’t care what they did with the bedding as long as it was all still here (not stolen, lol).



I have never asked a guest to make their bed but I appreciate it when they do.

When people stay here, sometimes it is a few days before I get the chance to wash the bed linens. It is generally Christmastime or a busy time of year and I have much to do besides a load of sheets right away. This way the room looks decent and I can leave the door open and get to the linens when I get the chance.

Just my two cents.


While we are on the subject, I am soon going to visit friends out of state for a weekend, and I’m taking the train. My usual hostess gift would be a bottle of wine or a floral arrangement, but I understand that Amtrak won’t let you bring alcoholic beverages on board, and of course, flowers would get trashed in transit. Anyone have any suggestions as to a hostess gift which would travel nicely? BTW, these friends are Lutheran, not Catholic. Thanks in advance!


10 ideas here.

Some not-so-mainstream ideas here.

Search google for traditional hostess gifts and you’ll find plenty of suggestions.


As an unfortunate user of Amtrak, I am here to state as long as it didn’t smell too badly, it’s my opinion a passenger could bring on a dead body in a laundry bag and pass it off as dirty laundry on Amtrak!!!:eek: It’s also been my experience Amtrak does not check luggage, as they do at the airport, with scanning devices and x-ray machines.

That said, I vote for good chocolate, Fannie May quality at least. Your could also look around their home once you get there and get a nice bottle of wine to accompany a meal when you go to the store.


I agree with previous poster, good chocolate (like Godiva) always makes a great gift!! Unless your hostess is on a diet and wigs out on you. Of course, one piece of really good Godiva chocolate is way better than 10 pieces of Hershey anyday


I don’t see anything on Amtrak’s official site prohibiting alcoholic beverages. From their site, here is what is prohibited:

The following kinds of items are prohibited as both checked and carry-on baggage:

Any type of gun, firearm, ammunition, explosives, or weapon.
Incendiaries, including flammable gases, liquids and fuels.
Large, sharp objects such as axes, ice picks and swords.
Corrosive or dangerous chemicals or materials, such as liquid bleach, tear gas, mace, radioactive and harmful bacteriological materials.
Batteries with acid that can spill or leak (except those batteries used in motorized wheelchairs or similar devices for mobility-impaired passengers).
Club-like items, such as billy clubs and nightsticks.
Fragile and/or valuable items, including but not limited to electronic equipment. (Laptop computers and handheld devices may be carried onboard; however, Amtrak accepts no liability for damage.)
Animals (except service animals).
Oversized and/or overweight items.


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I always typically made the bed after getting up in the morning, just in case they say to just leave them there…then you leave them there neatly, if not, it’s not a big deal to just strip the bed.


This is what I do. Or I leave the sheets in the room where they can easily be grabbed.


If I have a guest for one night, and they seem reasonably clean, I would not want them to strip the bed. I do not see the need to wash the sheets every time a clean body lies in them. So it would be a lot more work for me to have to re-make the bed.

I would probably ask if they planned to wash them or leave them on. But on the other hand, sometimes I get the impression that everybody thinks you SHOULD wash the sheets, so it could be embarrassing to admit that you’re not planning to. In which case, rather than ask, I’d just make the bed. It is much easier to strip the sheets later than get stuck doing laundry you didn’t plan for or remake the bed.

I definitely wouldn’t just leave the bed unmade though. If I did strip the sheets, I’d also fold the blankets, comfortors etc. and leave the bed looking as neat as possible.


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