Question for Catholic guys only?


#1

Hi. Im an 18 year old Catholic guy who tries his hardest to stay chaste. I dont have sex and I dont chronically masturbate, but an occasional impure thought will pop into my head that is very hard to shake off. These thoughts sometimes lead to erections, and my question is is it considered masurbation if you kind of give yourself an erection through these thoughts but dont take it any further? I usually get rid of them once I get them , but I dont know if this is mortal or not, I never take them any farther than what I’ve stated. Can any of the guys on this forum help with this issue? Thanks

God Bless

reelguy


#2

Dear reel,
Being male with 5 children, I have had some experience in this area. First let me say two things. 1) I am reluctant to get too explicit because it can be an occasion of sin. 2) The level of questions you are asking depend so much on the individual that there are not dogmatic answers. So here’s my best shot at answers.

Having an E is not M. M involves a self-sustaining activity which usually ends rather… definitely.

The church teaches that M is a grave misuse of our faculties - mortal sin territory, so confess it if you have problems. M can become a bad habit or compulsive, but with God’s grace, it can be overcome.

The psychology and physiology of males is such that things will pop up given the appropriate stimulus (which you may have no control over). This is not sinful. However, arranging to get the appropriate stimulus (porn, TV, fantasization) is sinful. Taking pleasure in these thoughts, even if they don’t lead to M, is sinful.
So don’t get hung up on that.

Lastly, don’t always try to attack these issues head on. The more you focus on them, the stronger temptations can become. Concentrate on your school work, exercise, serving others, and loving Christ.

There are a good number of resources here and elsewhere on this topic. See here pureloveclub.com/


#3

Also remember, temptation is not sin. If you have tempting thoughts but reject them and do not act on them, you have acted righteously not sinfully.


#4

I try to shake the impure thoughts out of my head, but they just wont go away and thats when they just keep flashing and it happens.


#5

Hey reel,

As a young, Catholic, male myself I also struggle with this problem. I have found that prayer is what often helps me, especially right at the time things start happening. I like this quote from your signature - “Prayer is weakness leaning on omnipotence.” Take your weakness here and lean on our all-powerful, all-loving God. No, the temptations likely won’t ever go completely away, but rest in God knowing that He is stronger than the temptations.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” - 2 Corinthians 12:9


#6

It happens don’t worry about it. Everyone has occasional flashes like you describe. Don’t dwell on them. Try to think of other things. Instead of thinking of that person you are fantasizing about in a sexual way think of them as a person of God. Look at the entire person, flaws and all. Or imagine that same person is your sister, would you want people thinking about her in that manner.

Having flashes or thoughts similar to that is normal, if you rise to the occasion over it, that is normal also. It is dwelling on those thoughts or purposely causing them to happen is a sin.


#7

Thanks everyone for all the answers, they have been very helpful .

God Bless

Ricky


#8

One thing to be careful of is dwelling and enriching the impure thoughts. This is sinful and can lead into worse sin.

Remember that Jesus said that even looking lustfully at a women is a form of adultery.


#9

Though it takes a while, the satisfaction from derived from self-control is so much more sublime. I’m not saying I’m some kind of paragon of chastity, but I know the difference between the darkness of slavery to your body, and the freedom of grace. It’s real.

Just pray. And like others have said, don’t fight it directly. Just change the channel in your head. You’re a guy–flipping the channel is an inherent trait!


#10

[quote=reelguy227]I try to shake the impure thoughts out of my head, but they just wont go away and thats when they just keep flashing and it happens.
[/quote]

It’s almost impossible to just not think about something. If you want to shake the impure thoughts, you need to fill your mind with good things.

I would suggest working on memorizing Scripture. Meditate throughout the day on the words of the passage you are working on. Fill your mind with good things.


#11

What is so “impure” about sexual desire?

Why the hang-up on damning yourself to hell for all eternity [edited to remove crude term]?

Relax son, it is a normal part of male teenage life…

Just be careful and you will not go blind…


#12

Your funny ,not.

Id rather go to heaven, than spend eternity in hell because of a few moments of pleasure. You aren’t the Church , so stop telling me whats ok and not ok.

After you get the keys to the kingdom of Heaven, call me up, but for now no thanks.


#13

[quote=reelguy227]Your funny ,not.

Id rather go to heaven, than spend eternity in hell because of a few moments of pleasure. You aren’t the Church , so stop telling me whats ok and not ok.

After you get the keys to the kingdom of Heaven, call me up, but for now no thanks.
[/quote]

Chill dude, have a sense of humor. This is something teenage guys just have to deal with. If you have impure thoughts, then you are like every other guy out there. Whether or not you act on them is what is important (granted, you can still strive to be better, but I’d say you don’t have a ton to worry about in this case).

Eamon


#14

Why should I chill, he was endorsing masturbation or something. Or did I read wrong, sarchasm and jokes are horrible on the internet, I never can tell.


#15

Some very old senior priests have counseled me over the years that the thoughts and temptations will go away about 15 minutes after they hammer the last nail into my coffin.

[No joke. Several of them actually said that.]

The thoughts and the temptations are NOT sins. Acting on those thoughts and temptations is a sin.

One priest with connections to the medical community said that if it REALLY bothered me, he could arrange to have me medicated.

… well, it doesn’t bother me THAT much…]

Frequent confession … is the key to keeping sane.

Ask around to see if one of the confessors could agree to being a spiritual director.

Daily Mass and daily Rosary can be a big help. Start building a personal library of appropriate books on religious topics. One excellent book is “Difficult Moral Questions; The Way of the Lord Jesus; Vol 3” by Germain Grisez. Amazon has it.


#16

Thanks. :slight_smile:


#17

Go easy on yourself, 18 is men’s sexual peak.

I can only imagine the frustration you must feel.


#18

Medicated? You mean like given drugs to eliminate sexual desire? Chemical castration type of thing?!

Now, that is crazy.


#19

[quote=reelguy227]Why should I chill, he was endorsing masturbation or something. Or did I read wrong, sarchasm and jokes are horrible on the internet, I never can tell.
[/quote]

He’s also telling you to chill out. Sexual DESIRE does not equate sexual ACT. I have desires, I do not act on them. That is what he was telling you.

Eamon


#20

[quote=Ronin]What is so “impure” about sexual desire?

Why the hang-up on damning yourself to hell for all eternity [edited to remove crude term]?

Relax son, it is a normal part of male teenage life…

Just be careful and you will not go blind…

[/quote]

Sorry about jumpin all over you, I just didnt understand the context of the statement.

God Bless

Ricky


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