Question for happy married Catholics


#1

When you first met your spouse, did you just KNOW that they were your soulmate? A lot of people say this about their marriage, but due to the high divorce rate, I’m fairly unconvinced, so I wanted to ask any Catholic couples that are reading this.


#2

I’m not married but I am engaged to be. I did feel like I knew that my fiance was the one very quickly. She felt exactly the same way about me almost as immediatly she tells me :slight_smile: We both took our time (well a little anyway) discussing that though since we didn’t want to scare the other off :slight_smile:

I hope that helps some.


#3

your soulmate is Jesus Christ

your spouse is your mate for your life on Earth and the reason you are together is to build up the Church and lead each other and your children to Christ.

What was I looking for? from my 40 year+ perspective, I was happy with male, Catholic, solid husband and father material, in short, a good man, in the old-fashioned sense of virtuous, strong, chivalrous, etc. Yes there was chemistry (woo-woo look out for that when you are only 18)


#4

My husband is the man I chose and he chose me, we decided to make a life together. It was about commitment and shared values. Neither were Catholic at the time, so, shared faith was not something that either of us thought about.

Soulmates is not a Christian teaching, as said before, Jesus is your only soulmate.


#5

My husband and I met drunk at a NYE party :smiley: We were too drunk to know we were going to one day get married :o We had such a great time joking around that we missed the midnight countdown until we heard (3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!). Then we were like, wow, it’s midnight already???

I just really liked him and we became friends instantly. We loved hanging out together, watching movies, going places together and having a good laugh. I found him to be a breath of fresh air…no games, no challenges, no guessing…it was just really easy to get to know him.

It took me 5 months to realize that I was in-love with him and he told me that he loved me after 6 months. We then began to talk about the possibility that we’d one day get married, etc.

So no, I didn’t know when I met him :thumbsup:


#6

Good day, maybe I shouldn’t really butt into this but I wanted to share something…I was happily married once, for a very short time…My now exhusband then love of my life, was a decent guy when I first met him…He respected me and didn’t try to push himself onto me for sex or anything at all…He gave me the space and independence I wanted, and we were great friends! I felt he was my soul mate…I really did! No one else understood me like he did at all, no one. We dated for a year, hs sweethearts, and then got married, the first year was a confusing year it was the first year we were married and were not used to each other…SO I thought his reactions towards me were normal…I didn’t budge much about it…

Then our first baby was born, and things went sour!!! All of a sudden it was this whole manipulation thing, always keeping me away from my family, etc…the point is 3 children later I couldn’t take it anymore and left him… He played me out pretty good…Behind my back while we were dating, without me knowing he was hitting on my bfs, and talking bad about my family really bad things including to my siblings, this was before we were married…When my family tried to warn me because he wouldn’t hold his tongue against them when I was not around, I did what every person in love blindly does, ignore the warning signs…My exhusband hated working, did nothing to achieve anything at all, and always quit jobs as much as possible-hated raising the children and I would force them up on him, never wanted a home for us and never wanted to marry through the church, never wanted to talk about anything after we got married, it was a very difficult relationship talking to a rock!!! Thus exhusband…

This is my second relationship even though we are not married we are engaged…Do I feel he’s my soul mate, I don’t think he’s my soul mate because that feeling came and went on a false person, and I am not playing myself like that again, I am going towards reality and towards stronger feelings communication rather than connection and chemistry…This isn’t about does he give me butterflies it’s more about, can I spend the rest of my life with this man, and thank GOD I can say yes after all this time of dating…We have given each other plenty of time, instead of just rushing into things…I am not saying he doesn’t give me butterflies but all “blindness” aside, this is more about can he help me raise my children and can I count on him to be the one in case of anything…And so far I have been able to count on him…

AND even though so far there have been some tribulations-some call them red flags-his mother hasn’t liked me for a while- and he had a moment of lazyness and no work- To me they were just trials because he doesn’t disrespect me at all- nor my family-nor talk **** about my family at all-thank GOD lol- even though my family is kind of uhm-special; it is good to have someone whom actually loves my parents, and I do love his but what can I say I am not the one they are happy he’s with anymore!! LOL He loves my kids and doesn’t manipulate them nor try to hurt them in any way like my exhusband had my daughter controlled, still has her controlled with her new cell phone…lol…Well this man gave my children and I a house, helped pay off my car debt, and is a practicing (modern) Catholic but only wanting a church sacramental marriage…Something I have always wanted in a husband…

Does this guarantee happily ever after? Maybe, then again no one ever said a marriage was easy…lol…and it all takes hard work…Am I looking forward to a happy marriage, oh yes I am…I believe it deep down in my heart my fiance is the right one for me! Not because we get along so well, nor because we are good friends, because we both are working hard at keeping this relationship going against all odds because we love each other and feel this is worth it…It isn’t just about giving up and letting go because something doesn’t look right, it’s about communication and so far I thank GOD I have someone whom actually likes to talk about things and if something doesn’t feel or sound right he wants to talk about it without hesitation until we meet even ground!! LOL My sons’ love him and have become very attached to him, my daughter is a little more difficult because she doesn’t like the authority figure around, but is starting to respect him more not just as my fiance but as a friend, and that’s a good thing…

I have learned a lot about couples from the forum and many have taught me a lot of things…Especially about patience…I have learned a lot about our religion and I share them with my kids and fiance-through this forum- as much as possible, and they welcome the new teachings… I do as well… Helps me learn to be a better person…And better mother and companion…

So I am looking forward to a long and happy marriage with my fiance… :slight_smile:


#7

*I agree with annie and kage. I also think that for my husband and me, what has given us ‘happiness’ is when we surrendered our wants, for the wants of one another…when we put God first, front and center in our marriage…and have Him guide the marriage. I also believe that when two people are first married, they need to tell each other…‘I know there will be times when we might not see eye to eye, when we have difficulties, when we have challenges, but in it all, I’m here for you.’ Because marriage isn’t always smooth sailing. It’s sometimes blissful, but there are times, when life throws you a curve ball, and you really need to lean on that person for balance, for support. It’s important that you marry someone who always ‘‘has your back.’’

I’m not into the term soulmate…but I believe that one’s spouse, should be the one person in this crazy life that you can seek refuge in, from a human standpoint. And, as kage states, the purpose of marriage, is to help one another to get to heaven. My husband is the polar opposite from me…I used to not always like that about him. But, over time, I see God’s sense of humor;) and His desire to help me grow in certain areas. And I, for him. I can see that had I married someone closer to my personality, and with my same set of circumstances/pasts, it might not have worked for as long as it did. My husband is very tough (doesn’t break easily), and sacrificing…and brings that out in me. In turn, I help him to be more sensitive and compassionate. Together, there is a beautiful harmonious balance. I believe in letting God do the picking for a spouse, because He knows what you need most, for a lifetime. *


#8

We had an immediate connection and attraction…not to mention our constant quoting of Star Wars had tipped us off that there was gunna be more involved later :wink:

I don’t personally believe in “soul mates.” I believe there is chemistry, and compatibility that makes things easier…but ultimately the choice is up to the two people in the marriage. I actually believe the concept of “soulmates” contributes to the high number of divorces. Afterall, soul mates won’t have tough times, right? :wink:


#9

When my husband walked into the room and I saw him for the first time I the first thought that popped into my head was “I could marry him.” Then I started to laugh because the idea of thinking that about someone who you haven’t even been introduced to is just silly… but a year to the day after our first date we were married in the Catholic Church and the week after our wedding I started RCIA.

I agree with annie, kage and whatevergirl about the idea of “soul mates” and you’ve already gotten some great comments here.

One of the biggest factors that has absolutely transformed our relationship in the last three years is the fact that religion has become such a huge part of our marriage. I can’t imagine were we would be without that, but I doubt we would be in a very good place.

In his book “Three to Get Married” Fulton Sheen talks about how the Sacrament of Marriage gives you the grace to live married life. It’s an amazing book, that I’m about half way through, and I’d absolutely suggest it to any married or engaged couple!


#10

Although I’m not a Catholic, I am married to a happily married Catholic.

Yes, we knew right away that we were made for each other.

I know what you’re saying, but come on…it’s just an expression. :rolleyes:


#11

Yes. I just knew it after the first date. It was the result of a simple question. I asked her what she wanted from her life. Our values coincided. Funny thing is we had been working together for some three months. She kept telling me that I was in Love with her and just didn’t know it. I thought she was full of it. We have not been apart since. One thing is even though we felt pretty strongly about each other right off, we agreed to not speak of marriage for a full year. We just focused on our relationship. At the end of the year, it was a foregone conclusion. We’ve been married now for nearly 16 years. We have three wonderful children. We are happy and I have nothing but confidence that only death will part us. I wish the same for all people. Marriage is a wonderful insitution. I don’t know about that “soulmate” stuff.


#12

We started out as friends, then she was my best friend, then she was my wife. Not to be dense, but I am not really sure what a “soul mate” is. All I can tell you is that I was happier when she was with me than when we were apart, and that we believe God brought us to each other.

We have been working on our marriage each day for the last 22+ years (praise God), all I still don’t know if she is my “soul mate” but I am still happier when I am with her than when we are apart.


#13

Same here.

Although I must say, my husband was physically attracted to me the very first time we met. It took us (me) 2 years of friendship before we moved on to dating and looking at marriage, though.

I’ll never forget, one night before going to sleep, my sister asked me from the top bunk, “So, Truly, why are you marrying Mr. Beloved?” My answer was, “Well, we make sense together. We both want the same things out of life, we share a love of God, we have the same morals… We just make a lot of sense. We’re a good match.”

She was so mad, and said, “But don’t you LOVE him??? Geez!!! Don’t you have BUTTERFLIES??? You’re being too practical and logical. This is marriage we’re talking about!!!”

I was like, “Well, yeah, I love him. But no, I don’t have ‘butterflies.’ There’s nothing wrong with actively deciding that a guy rationally fits with you, and marrying him because you have everything important in common.” I’ve been married for almost 6 years, and am strongly attracted to my husband now more than ever. We’ve changed a lot since we met 13 years ago, but we’ve changed together, moving in the same direction. :smiley:


Can attraction really develop later?
#14

I do want to warn everyone who is in RCIA or confirmation class, or thinking about it, this is the best kept romantico secret in the Church, you would be surprised if I told you how many marriages started here, and now they are coming back with babies to baptize, and bringing kids to CCD. OOOOH I love my job.


#15

I do want to warn everyone who is in RCIA or confirmation class, or thinking about it, this is the best kept romantico secret in the Church, you would be surprised if I told you how many marriages started here, and now they are coming back with babies to baptize, and bringing kids to CCD. OOOOH I love my job.

Annie, you crack me up! :smiley:

Second best kept secret for finding a simpatico spouse-- Pro-Life work! I can’t count how many couples I know who have met that way…

I met my DH in the Pro-Life group right when I got to college as a freshman. I was dating someone else, so it was strictly friendship. It was such a delight, now, looking back-- I had over a year to just build a really good relationship with a guy. He also took his faith very seriously (daily Mass, Rosary, etc.) and we both really liked Monty Python and Star Trek. We had some differences, too, just enough to keep things interesting.

But to answer the original question, NO-- romance/soulmates/etc was nowhere on my mind when we first met and the friendship developed. It wasn’t until I broke things off with the old boyfriend, and naturally turned to this other really good friend of mine to nurse my wounds, that any sparks started to fly.

Margaret


#16

We got engaged 2 months after we started dating and married a year and a half later, so yes, I guess I knew right away he was the one. And now, after being married 14 years, I still get excited when he walks in the door! I love him more now, then I ever thought possible. He is a wonderful leader of this family and loves God and the Catholic faith so very much and he is leading our children to Christ. What’s not to love about a man like that. The beautiful blue eyes don’t hurt either!!:love:


#17

I never had butterflies either. I just really liked him…it was like we fit together.


#18

My wife and I met by her joining my young adults group. We were only friends until one night that she started playing hymns on a piano. I don’t know what happened but I just sat there gazing at her with a dumb look on my face watching… as if I was in a Dorris Day film. I caught myself, started dating her…and a little over a year married her.

I ahve had a similar feeling where I thought it was love at first site a couple times. I dated them and they were totally wrong for me. So I guess I am not a believer of such things.

Cymonk


#19

…there are days when I’m glad he hasn’t walked in the door yet :stuck_out_tongue:


#20

Three months in, he asked me to marry him. So we knew quickly, but not right away.

We didn’t actually marry until four years later, after college, but we knew very early on the each of us was “the one” for the other. :smiley:


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