Question for happy married Catholics


#8

We had an immediate connection and attraction…not to mention our constant quoting of Star Wars had tipped us off that there was gunna be more involved later :wink:

I don’t personally believe in “soul mates.” I believe there is chemistry, and compatibility that makes things easier…but ultimately the choice is up to the two people in the marriage. I actually believe the concept of “soulmates” contributes to the high number of divorces. Afterall, soul mates won’t have tough times, right? :wink:


#9

When my husband walked into the room and I saw him for the first time I the first thought that popped into my head was “I could marry him.” Then I started to laugh because the idea of thinking that about someone who you haven’t even been introduced to is just silly… but a year to the day after our first date we were married in the Catholic Church and the week after our wedding I started RCIA.

I agree with annie, kage and whatevergirl about the idea of “soul mates” and you’ve already gotten some great comments here.

One of the biggest factors that has absolutely transformed our relationship in the last three years is the fact that religion has become such a huge part of our marriage. I can’t imagine were we would be without that, but I doubt we would be in a very good place.

In his book “Three to Get Married” Fulton Sheen talks about how the Sacrament of Marriage gives you the grace to live married life. It’s an amazing book, that I’m about half way through, and I’d absolutely suggest it to any married or engaged couple!


#10

Although I’m not a Catholic, I am married to a happily married Catholic.

Yes, we knew right away that we were made for each other.

I know what you’re saying, but come on…it’s just an expression. :rolleyes:


#11

Yes. I just knew it after the first date. It was the result of a simple question. I asked her what she wanted from her life. Our values coincided. Funny thing is we had been working together for some three months. She kept telling me that I was in Love with her and just didn’t know it. I thought she was full of it. We have not been apart since. One thing is even though we felt pretty strongly about each other right off, we agreed to not speak of marriage for a full year. We just focused on our relationship. At the end of the year, it was a foregone conclusion. We’ve been married now for nearly 16 years. We have three wonderful children. We are happy and I have nothing but confidence that only death will part us. I wish the same for all people. Marriage is a wonderful insitution. I don’t know about that “soulmate” stuff.


#12

We started out as friends, then she was my best friend, then she was my wife. Not to be dense, but I am not really sure what a “soul mate” is. All I can tell you is that I was happier when she was with me than when we were apart, and that we believe God brought us to each other.

We have been working on our marriage each day for the last 22+ years (praise God), all I still don’t know if she is my “soul mate” but I am still happier when I am with her than when we are apart.


#13

Same here.

Although I must say, my husband was physically attracted to me the very first time we met. It took us (me) 2 years of friendship before we moved on to dating and looking at marriage, though.

I’ll never forget, one night before going to sleep, my sister asked me from the top bunk, “So, Truly, why are you marrying Mr. Beloved?” My answer was, “Well, we make sense together. We both want the same things out of life, we share a love of God, we have the same morals… We just make a lot of sense. We’re a good match.”

She was so mad, and said, “But don’t you LOVE him??? Geez!!! Don’t you have BUTTERFLIES??? You’re being too practical and logical. This is marriage we’re talking about!!!”

I was like, “Well, yeah, I love him. But no, I don’t have ‘butterflies.’ There’s nothing wrong with actively deciding that a guy rationally fits with you, and marrying him because you have everything important in common.” I’ve been married for almost 6 years, and am strongly attracted to my husband now more than ever. We’ve changed a lot since we met 13 years ago, but we’ve changed together, moving in the same direction. :smiley:


Can attraction really develop later?
#14

I do want to warn everyone who is in RCIA or confirmation class, or thinking about it, this is the best kept romantico secret in the Church, you would be surprised if I told you how many marriages started here, and now they are coming back with babies to baptize, and bringing kids to CCD. OOOOH I love my job.


#15

I do want to warn everyone who is in RCIA or confirmation class, or thinking about it, this is the best kept romantico secret in the Church, you would be surprised if I told you how many marriages started here, and now they are coming back with babies to baptize, and bringing kids to CCD. OOOOH I love my job.

Annie, you crack me up! :smiley:

Second best kept secret for finding a simpatico spouse-- Pro-Life work! I can’t count how many couples I know who have met that way…

I met my DH in the Pro-Life group right when I got to college as a freshman. I was dating someone else, so it was strictly friendship. It was such a delight, now, looking back-- I had over a year to just build a really good relationship with a guy. He also took his faith very seriously (daily Mass, Rosary, etc.) and we both really liked Monty Python and Star Trek. We had some differences, too, just enough to keep things interesting.

But to answer the original question, NO-- romance/soulmates/etc was nowhere on my mind when we first met and the friendship developed. It wasn’t until I broke things off with the old boyfriend, and naturally turned to this other really good friend of mine to nurse my wounds, that any sparks started to fly.

Margaret


#16

We got engaged 2 months after we started dating and married a year and a half later, so yes, I guess I knew right away he was the one. And now, after being married 14 years, I still get excited when he walks in the door! I love him more now, then I ever thought possible. He is a wonderful leader of this family and loves God and the Catholic faith so very much and he is leading our children to Christ. What’s not to love about a man like that. The beautiful blue eyes don’t hurt either!!:love:


#17

I never had butterflies either. I just really liked him…it was like we fit together.


#18

My wife and I met by her joining my young adults group. We were only friends until one night that she started playing hymns on a piano. I don’t know what happened but I just sat there gazing at her with a dumb look on my face watching… as if I was in a Dorris Day film. I caught myself, started dating her…and a little over a year married her.

I ahve had a similar feeling where I thought it was love at first site a couple times. I dated them and they were totally wrong for me. So I guess I am not a believer of such things.

Cymonk


#19

…there are days when I’m glad he hasn’t walked in the door yet :stuck_out_tongue:


#20

Three months in, he asked me to marry him. So we knew quickly, but not right away.

We didn’t actually marry until four years later, after college, but we knew very early on the each of us was “the one” for the other. :smiley:


#21

No. Absolutely not. And looking back, it totally boggles my mind that we ended up together. (Though I was 14 at the time)

First time I saw my husband he was getting a french horn lesson during a marching band practice for incoming freshmen. I thought he was a gifted 10 year old that was allowed to start high school early. He struck me as solitary…and possibly arrogant, and smarter than thou. For a kid his age he was awfully articulate and had quite the vocabulary.

Then I found out he was actually my age. That was basically the start of my misconceptions being dispelled. He was every bit as smart as I imagined him to be…but actually not arrogant. We got to be fast friends though it would be many years before we’d date. We had many friends who felt we should have dated in high school. But we’re grateful that we “grew up” together as friends before considering something as serious as a long term relationship.

The process from “first met” to “marriage” took a little over 10 years. If my 24 year old self could go back in time to my 14 year old self and tell her HE was the one I’d someday marry…my younger self would have probably either laughed or freaked out…and not because she was talking to her future self. :stuck_out_tongue:

But he’s a great man…and a very unique man (eccentric as anything…but in a fun way). I can honestly say I’ll never meet another guy like him. :stuck_out_tongue:


#22

When we first met? No.

But, I did “just know” that we were right for each other and that he was the man for me.
But, I “just knew” after lots of talking with him on serious matters and discerning together our “must have” and “dealbreaker” items.


#23

My Dh “just knew” the first time we met (maybe not the first time, but the first time we spent and significant time together) I on the other hand had to be told by my MOHTER that this boy liked me. :stuck_out_tongue:

We met on a church mission trip, though we are the only couple to come out of this ongoing venture.


#24

God surprised me with my husband because I had just been in a short dating relationship with a young man who had pursued me and pursued me. I was an exchange student from Europe at Georgetown University. The young man who wooed me had just moved to D.C. to work for John McCain in the Senate (this was the mid '90s). He would meet me outside the school gates with poems he’d written and books he wanted to share with me and in the end I was won over and I really starting thinking “Wow I’m really starting to like this guy”. Just as my heart started to soften he suddenly said to me 'You know, we’re not dating or anything".

I was totally confused. I thought I had somehow had some kind of brain freeze. Wasn’t he calling me and meeting me every single day? Wasn’t he asking me to meet him every day and visit all the sights of D.C.? Wasn’t he telling me his life was complete with me? That I was wonderful, beautiful etc. etc.? Didn’t he insist on my meeting his brother and sister-in-law? Eventually I realized this is what my American girlfriends were telling me. American men, blew hot and cold, they played games, they didn’t know what they wanted. I came to my senses. Our course we were dating! It didn’t matter what he said, in Europe if you behave like that you are seeing someone.

I decided then and there, no more American men! I was not looking for a relationship and this man had chased me and chased me until finally I relented and started to really care.

Of course shortly after this I met my American husband of 13 years! I would not even consider dating him after my first experience and we just became friends. But eventually his goodness (and God’s will) conquered. When he told me he was madly in love with me after we’d only known each other about 3 months I finally took him seriously. We decided we would try dating and within literally about 3 weeks we both realized we wanted to get married. We were married within a year of meeting. This floored me because I never, ever expected to meet someone and marry them so quickly, in fact I wasn’t even thinking of marriage or a serious relationship at the time. I don’t know if I had “butterflies” so much as I didn’t want to ever be apart from him.

Even now he was away from home for 5 days and we Skyped each other over the web. When I saw his face I just loved him so much and he said the same. We missed each other so much and we just love to be together. It’s more like meeting a person that you can build a strong foundation with for everything else in your life. You can literally build a life together. You want a co-worker in life who wants to build the same things you do and of course they need to be cute :wink:

I guess my story reflects the fact that we may have a few false starts dating but God can use these to help us recognize what we want and need and to see that in others. We also should spend time focusing on developing ourselves into a good future spouse. That is, not what others can do for us but what we can do for others. I don’t believe there is one person or “soulmate” for us. We can become soulmates in our marriage by sharing our love and souls: two become one.


#25

I would also like to add that when you’re with the right person, when you fight, you don’t hold any hard feelings afterwards b/c you love them so much and they feel the same about you. You both yearn to make-up shortly afterwards no matter how bad the fight was. Both of you come to eachother saying you’re sorry and that you love eachother.

When I was with the wrong person, one of us would always be saying “sorry”; for what, we weren’t sure. There was always one person that was indifferent after a fight.


#26

Don’t forget yourh retreat teams. That’s how I met my wife. :slight_smile:


#27

I do consider my husband to be my soulmate, but because he is someone I connect to on a soul-level. I think you can have a few soulmates of different genders without necessarily being in love with them.
I knew as soon as I met him that he was the one for me, we were just good friends for years before he had the same realization. Which was good, because while we’re obviously made for each other, we weren’t perfect for each other until we’d grown up a bit. Now we’re one of the happiest couples we know!


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