Question for married people


#1

Did you live at home with your parents until you got married, or were you out on your own beforehand?
Are you glad you did (either way)?


#2

I was out on my own before I got married. I went away to college (out of state) at 17 and have been out of my parents home since.
I did not regret it…why should or would I? At some point in time we must all leave our parents home (be it either marriage or schooling or just becuase) and be responsible adults. It is part of growing up.
:smiley:


#3

I lived at home until I was married as did my sister. We both went to a College locally so in order to save money we lived at home. I was also the day care giver of my autistic cousin while living at home. I was able for the most part to arrange my College classes around her grade school schedule so I was home when she was.

I didn’t regret my choice either. As Karin said “At some point in time we must all leave our parents home (be it either marriage or schooling or just becuase) and be responsible adults. It is part of growing up.”

Brenda V.


#4

went away to college for 2 yrs, dropped out lived in an apartment with a bunch of other girls for a year, then got married. our daughters went to college, or lived on their own for a few years before marriage. Thankfully none of them tried the experiment of living together with fiance before marriage.


#5

I lived at home until I was married. I also went to college in my home town. It hepled me pay afford college.
My parents went through a divorce when I was 19, I was the only child out of 4 that lived with my mom after the divorce. I think it would have been very difficult on her if I went out on my own during this time.
I don’t regret it at all, but I was very ready to leave when I did.


#6

[quote=Aurelia]Did you live at home with your parents until you got married, or were you out on your own beforehand?
Are you glad you did (either way)?
[/quote]

My husband and I married at an older age (me 38, him 44). Both of us have been on our own for many years.

I went off to college, and lived in the dorm. Then, I got a job and apartment after graduation and eventually bought my own house which I have had for 10 years.

I have been on my own for 20 years, and yes I am glad that I did this. I have learned many skills that my still-at-home sister (now age 26) has not.

I see nothing wrong with living with family when first starting out, to get feet on the ground and money saved up. But, I believe that adult children should move out on their own, earn their own way, and live independently.

Of course, that would be different if the people in question were marrying young, like while in college or right out of college. I would see where they might go straight from mom & dad to spouse.


#7

I got engaged when I was 19 and attending college in my hometown, so yeah I was still living at home. So was my husband (also in college at the time and 21.) Shortly before the wedding he got an apartment and lived on his own for a few weeks and then I moved in immediately after the wedding. :slight_smile: It was pretty traditional.

If I hadn’t met him though, I probably would have found an apartment within the next year or so. My parents are nice people but they were driving me NUTS. :stuck_out_tongue:


#8

Hi Aurelia, I did both. I joined the Airforce out of high school. When I returned to Michigan my mother needed fincial help so I moved back home to pay the bills until she could get back on her feet then I got married while still living at home. I guess I got the advantages of both experiences.


#9

I moved out right out of high school and went to daytona beach to go to school and kind of spread my wings. when I moved back to jacksonville, I got my own place again. my hubby was living with his dad. he had been in the air force and after he got out he had floated around from family member to family member. when we got serious, I did the bad thing and moved in with him and his dad. I regretted it immediately and moved back out a few months later and moved in with my mom to save money for our wedding. he got an apartment three months before we got married and I moved in with him after the wedding.

I don’t regret living on my own. it was hard to go back to my mom’s house after being on my own for several years, but I am thankful that God moved my heart to get out of the sinful situation. but I think it worked out perfectly because my father in law kept all my things for me until my hubby got the apartment and then all my stuff was here already when we got married. God really made it easy for us :slight_smile:


#10

I married later & so was out on my own for over 10 years.
When we got engaged, I moved home because I knew I would be leaving the state after we got married, and I wanted to a)save $ and b) spend as much time with my parents & sibling as possible before the move.

Maybe I shouldn’t open up a can of worms, but do you ask the question for a specific reason? What I mean is, are you wondering about particular parts of married life that are affected by living at home vs. with parents? (Such as finances, habits, intimacy, etc.)


#11

I followed a pretty typical path of leaving home for college + professional school–both out of state. I lived in dorms, a sorority house and apartments–both with roomates and on my own.

When my (now) husband and I started dating seriously in law school, we briefly toyed with the idea of living together. We quickly realized it would require so many lies to our respective families (both of us were raised Catholic) that it simply wasn’t worth it. We were never in doubt as to how that behaviour would have been received–so even if it wasn’t our own faith per se that kept us on the straight and narrow–the knowledge of the diapproval and disappointment of our families was enough to keep us under separate rooves until we were married. The experience is one of the reasons I encourage parents to hold fast to their standards and example–even if they see their kids stray from practicing the faith–as it is such a powerful teaching tool.


#12

I was out on my own for about 4 years, it was a good thing because it taught me independance, settling my accounts, the importance of having a job and finding what you enjoy, what is important to you. Yes, it was good for me!

Anna x


#13

[quote=StephanieC]I married later & so was out on my own for over 10 years.
When we got engaged, I moved home because I knew I would be leaving the state after we got married, and I wanted to a)save $ and b) spend as much time with my parents & sibling as possible before the move.

Maybe I shouldn’t open up a can of worms, but do you ask the question for a specific reason? What I mean is, are you wondering about particular parts of married life that are affected by living at home vs. with parents? (Such as finances, habits, intimacy, etc.)
[/quote]

My husband comes from “the Old Country” and he expects our kids to stay at home until they marry. I don’t see that happening.


#14

I lived at home until I was married EXCEPT for a small few month stint where I thought I wanted an apartment of my own, but didn’t like it and moved back after a few months. Didn’t go away to college, either - I commuted to a local university.

Not only that, but my husband moved into my folks house after we were married so we could save money for a house. And (get this), my brother and his new wife were ALSO living there! So we all lived there (it was a 2 story house with a full basement, so it seemed like there was plenty of “room” for all of us, at the time)…anyway, my SIL became pregnant and had a baby, just as we were looking for our own house…we moved out when the baby was about 6 months old, I think.

I don’t regret it at all - we all look back on those times pretty fondly (well, except for the whole “shower” issue – 6 adults in a house and only one shower!!!)


#15

I moved out to college, then since I went ROTC got my job across the country – that was really hard b/c I enjoy my parents – they were good to me too, which helped (not overly annoying, lol). I met my DH at my first assigment and we were together for a little over a year when they told us he’d be going remote (Korea) if he didn’t find a job – and fast. So we (being well into the wedding plans, engaged, etc.) did a “JOP” “marriage” for the sake of that “join spouse” code in the system. While at that base, we kept our apartments separate, but then we got orders shortly after that and had to move together to our next assignment (while we considered ourselves “unmarried” the Air Force didn’t) – so we rented a house and lived as roommates (yes, it can be done, believe it or not) for the remainder of our engagement. People thought I was odd for not changing my name (in my mind and heart, I wasn’t married, so why change my name??!) and that was their perogative…we got a few raised eyebrows, but it was only for 4mos before our wedding in the church, so it worked out. We still don’t acknowledge that day at all either – people always ask us “so when’s your actual anniversary?” and we tell them the day we went to the church and got married, of course! So I had a different experience than either of your choices I guess?


#16

Hmmm. I was in and out of my parents home before I got married.

After high school I lived at home and went to a community college for two years then I went away and lived in dorms and/or apartments for two years. I moved back home for the last quarter while I was working on my senior project and occasionally commuted the 150 or so miles to my university when I needed to visit my advisor. I was home for a year during which time I saved enough money to buy a small home. I lived on my own or with a roommate for about four years. I moved back with my parents for a month or two before the wedding so I could get my home ready to rent out.

I really needed that time to learn to have to be responsible for myself. And I think there’s something to be said for learning to be alone before deciding to be with someone else.

And it was nice to actually have a room all my own for at least a while.


#17

[quote=1ke]My husband and I married at an older age (me 38, him 44). Both of us have been on our own for many years.

[/quote]

I’m curious…because you were so much older than the traditional age, did you find it difficult to make the transition from singlehood and calling your own shots to being married?

I’ve heard a lot of people say things like “You’re too old to get married, you’re set in your ways.”


#18

We both lived at home with our parents until we got married. And we enjoyed exploring adult life together. We have no regrets :slight_smile: My husband is the lonely type, and I don’t think he would have liked to live on his own–he would have had to have had a room mate if he moved out before we got married.

We also enjoyed setting up our apartment together, getting things cleaned up and ready for us to live there a few weeks before the wedding. I think it was more exciting and special than if one spouse just “moved in” with the other one after the wedding.

I guess I should add that we were 20 and 21 years old at the time of our wedding–I just got out of college and DH still had one year to go.


#19

My first inclination was to say I lived at home until I got married, but I went to school (college) out of state, so I guess I can’t say I really lived at home technically. Anyways, I lived at home when I wasn’t at school, or working in internships or research. I went straight home after graduation and got married 2 1/2 months later so I never lived alone after graduation.

I do not regret anything. I liked always going home for breaks/holidays and I enjoyed going to the college I went to. I was glad to get married right out of college instead of wanting to go work on my own/live on my own or what not before getting married. I had found the man I wanted to be with for the rest of my life and wanted to get married as soon as possible since we saw no reason to wait (my university was 802 miles away from his work/home so I had to graduate first hehe). We were engaged for 6 months.

We’ve had a wonderful 1.5 yrs of marriage :slight_smile:


#20

My wife and I lived together for three years before we got married. I moved out of my parents house (with their disapproval) into an apartment with my future wife when I was 24. I had spent 4 years in the USMC before moving in with them to get settled back into civilian life. We also were not catholic at the time (at least she wasn’t practicing.

Glad? I don’t know. I know that cohabitating before marriage significantly increases the chances of divorce. Thankfully we have beat the odds (so far).

On the other hand, we probably not would have dated for long if we hadn’t lived together.

For some reason, God has decided to bless us in spite of our mistake.


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