Question for our single celibate forum members


#1

I have noticed that some of the active participants on topics geared toward married sexual life [ex, most recently “[font=‘Comic Sans MS’]*Is masturbation ever OK for married women who never, ever climax during intercourse”—see thread *masturbation[font=Arial] [/font]] have in previous posts identified themselves as single, never married and struggle at times with maintaining sexual purity in their thoughts and actions. I have to wonder how much prudence is being exercised to prevent fanning the flames of sexual desire by reading the intimate sexual content of this and similar threads. Is there a temptation to conjure an arousing visual presentation to accompany reading/responding in this written dialogue? Is this an effective way to defuse erotic desire and actually be in service of temperance to restrain undue impulse of concupiscence? I wonder how I would have benefited to have had access to such intimate Christian dialogue as a single young adult in service of my pre-engagement/pre-marriage/vocational preparation. I do not in any way suggest that any forum participant not participate as they freely desire. [/font]

I offer this query, because as an open and abundant discussion forum (fiercely defended by participants), it is nice to know the impact our discussions are having on others (young and single forum members) in their Christian walk. I can never remember my parents or other adults during my teen years (this forum is open to 13 year olds) talking about the particulars and moral options of achieving satisfying orgasm, mutual masturbation, oral sex ….…… If any of these folks (single adolescent and young adult) are courageous enough, I would like to hear how reading such discussion benefits (or humors, bores) and gives edification (or struggle) in living out their celibate state of life. If any single celibate forum readers are willing to comment, I would be interested in hearing your thoughts.


#2

Geez, just read that thread. Seems to me that there’s more than just a little tantilizing and titilization going on. There’s probably better ways of getting answers to these kinds of questions than through provocative and highly personal public discussions.

But this is just the opinion of a prematurely old married guy so I guess I don’t fit the criteria for this question. :smiley:


#3

I think detailed sexual questions on a forum of Christian faith is good entertainment for Satan.

Dont really care to read about Masterbation, marital sex, extra marital sex and the randomly degenerate immoral behavior that caused the fall of Sodom and Gamora…

Im a single, celibate male but I am not dead.


#4

you make a good point, felra.

it often seems like the same people who lament their struggles with certain sins of the flesh are more often then not the same ones to jump in on threads that deal with sexual morality between two married persons–something that single, never married and hopefully celibate persons do not have any firsthand knowledge about. i often get a little irritated at the abundance of “well, if i were married, i would want my spouse to do THIS or THAT” and “if i were married, i would NEVER fail my spouse in THIS way or THAT way” etc. i just disregard those posts and skim on to the more relevant posts from individuals with actual experience or expertise.


#5

IMO if a 'highly sensitive topic is used for only TESTIMONY purposes, then I wouldn’t see a problem with it. My sexual past would freak the strongest of hearts…that is why I do not or would not go into detail in a public manner of discussion (ie. go private).

Yet, now that I have left that certain lifestyle and consecrated to a sexual life of chastity (unless God sees fit that He would want me to be married and have children, that’s his call on that), then I will stay single.

However the discussion of highly sensitive topics needs to be monitored carefully.

Go with God!
Edwin


#6

Yeah we do need to be careful about what is being put out there, as sometimes people get too excited and put out stuff they perhaps shouldnt.

As a single, celibate, young male who is looking at a vocation, i actually find threads like that helpful, even though i never actually contribute (too embarrased and i use my real name :)) But it is nice to know that people are going through the same difficulties, temptations and struggles that i go through - it gives me hope when i am really finding it hard.

While we have to be careful of things going too far, we should never ban these threads as they can give a lot of hope to people who are too embarrased to discuss these things in real life.

Thats a bit odd though about single men participating in threads about marital relations:confused:


#7

Well, folks can tell by the title usually what’s on the thread. I stay off of the provacative ones myself, because it helps me keep sex off my celibate brain. The thread that really got my goat was “Did Jesus have sexual feelings?” I thought it was the height of poor taste, and a reflection of our sex crazed culture… :rolleyes:


#8

I think married people should value the views of those who are not married. They might be able to be a bit more objective in these matters. And why is that y’all think that only young, single, chaste people can be affected by these images? I’m willing to bet that any person, man, woman, single, married, that see these posts are very tempted to lust. Also, if you’re talking about your marital struggles, it is clear that married people are having issues with chastity too!!! Oh, and ps, you’re using the word celibate wrong. It’s a state of life, not something you are til you’re married. I’m sure you know that, I’m not trying to insult anyone’s intelligence, its just a reminder.

jp2fan


#9

[quote=WhiteDove]Well, folks can tell by the title usually what’s on the thread. I stay off of the provacative ones myself, because it helps me keep sex off my celibate brain.
[/quote]

I will ditto WhiteDove. As a single celibate person, I try not to let my mind wander off too deeply into the provactative world for my own spiritual preservation.

I do believe some of the threads have offered great suggestions at conquering sexual sins and I do believe many threads have provided excellent answers to inquiries.

The threads do not bother me since I believe these are very difficult problems. Like everything else, the way to handle it is just to avoid if one is already weak and vulnerable in that particular area. If reading is gonna set you into a tail spin, then you need to exercise control and click on a different thread - maybe one about finding a good recipe for angelfood cake or something harmless. I know we have a few of those in archive.

As a celibate, I have to guard myself from the titilizing so as not to add yet another sin on to my already painfully loooong list for confession. Now I am off to find that angle food thread…


#10

when I open a thread regarding single celibate forum members (a redundancy, surely), I don’t expect to read about masturbation or other sexual sins. I would like to avoid those discussion, and would like to urge those of you who benefit from such discussions to consider labelling your thread so the rest of us can pass on to such exciting things as favorite Christmas song and works justification. Since it does not seem like celibacy or the single vocation are under discussion hear, I will move along and look for a “my favorite bible” thread.


#11

Single, celibate male here. Can’t say as I’ve read anything on this site that gets me all “hot and bothered.”


#12

I appreciate the thoughtful responses so far from our single forum members. :slight_smile:


#13

[quote=jp2fan]I think married people should value the views of those who are not married. They might be able to be a bit more objective in these matters. And why is that y’all think that only young, single, chaste people can be affected by these images? I’m willing to bet that any person, man, woman, single, married, that see these posts are very tempted to lust. Also, if you’re talking about your marital struggles, it is clear that married people are having issues with chastity too!!! Oh, and ps, you’re using the word celibate wrong. It’s a state of life, not something you are til you’re married. I’m sure you know that, I’m not trying to insult anyone’s intelligence, its just a reminder.

jp2fan
[/quote]

You certainly make a good point about married persoans who certainly struggle with chastity. This post was geared specifically toward single, celibate forum members. Oh, and ps, please look up “celibate” in any dictionary to clarify the correct usage of this term. God bless.


#14

[quote=puzzleannie] …Since it does not seem like celibacy or the single vocation are under discussion hear, I will move along and look for a “my favorite bible” thread.
[/quote]

You missed the point of this post…try again …or, second read of your post, perhaps not. :wink:


#15

I married 24 years ago and have been separated 20 years (my wife lives in another country with another man). I have been celibate for 5 years.

I participated in the thread and was not bothered by it. At no time was I sexually aroused nor tempted.


#16

[quote=felra]I have noticed that some of the active participants on topics geared toward married sexual life [ex, most recently “[font=Comic Sans MS]*Is masturbation ever OK for married women who never, ever climax during intercourse”—see thread *masturbation[font=Arial] [/font]] have in previous posts identified themselves as single, never married and struggle at times with maintaining sexual purity in their thoughts and actions. I have to wonder how much prudence is being exercised to prevent fanning the flames of sexual desire by reading the intimate sexual content of this and similar threads. Is there a temptation to conjure an arousing visual presentation to accompany reading/responding in this written dialogue? Is this an effective way to defuse erotic desire and actually be in service of temperance to restrain undue impulse of concupiscence? I wonder how I would have benefited to have had access to such intimate Christian dialogue as a single young adult in service of my pre-engagement/pre-marriage/vocational preparation. I do not in any way suggest that any forum participant not participate as they freely desire. [/font]

I offer this query, because as an open and abundant discussion forum (fiercely defended by participants), it is nice to know the impact our discussions are having on others (young and single forum members) in their Christian walk. I can never remember my parents or other adults during my teen years (this forum is open to 13 year olds) talking about the particulars and moral options of achieving satisfying orgasm, mutual masturbation, oral sex ….…… If any of these folks (single adolescent and young adult) are courageous enough, I would like to hear how reading such discussion benefits (or humors, bores) and gives edification (or struggle) in living out their celibate state of life. If any single celibate forum readers are willing to comment, I would be interested in hearing your thoughts.
[/quote]

Single celibate nonvirgin male, 24, here. I’m not sure I totally understand what the question gets at. I am going to have to echo the sentiment of seeker63 though.

To me, talking about sexual temptation is no different than an alcoholic talking about alcoholism. (Don’t get me wrong, I don’t masturbate, nor am I some sort of sexual addict. I’ve only done so once in like the last 6 months, and I have confessed that. But in the past, it was a regularity. Point is, it’s something I’ve struggled with, as have a lot of men my age, and I have no problem discussing it for the sake of those who are currently struggling. And if someone would like to discuss this further or ask advice, please PM me.)

It’s not like the discussion opens a catalogue of a library of imagery (that has unfortunately been) burned into my mind. Here, the spirit is present. Remember, “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them” (Matt. 20:18). Does anyone else feel strong temptation while here? I certainly don’t. I feel the presence of Christ in these discussions.

For me, the temptation does not stem from the discussion. The discussion makes me strong and prepares me for the temptation. The temptation is inevitable. Preparing myself for the temptation with discussion and introspection is realistic AND healthy – because every time the temptation arises, so does the threat of spiritual death. Should we be unprepared when the possibility arises that we may betray our Creator and auction our souls for pleasure?

Do soldiers go to battle without hundreds of hours on the shooting ranges?


#17

[quote=Princess_Abby]you make a good point, felra.

it often seems like the same people who lament their struggles with certain sins of the flesh are more often then not the same ones to jump in on threads that deal with sexual morality between two married persons–something that single, never married and hopefully celibate persons do not have any firsthand knowledge about. i often get a little irritated at the abundance of “well, if i were married, i would want my spouse to do THIS or THAT” and “if i were married, i would NEVER fail my spouse in THIS way or THAT way” etc. i just disregard those posts and skim on to the more relevant posts from individuals with actual experience or expertise.
[/quote]

yes but the reality of masturbation as an addiction for many in the church cannot be denied. The new catechism tackles this.
I am one who struggles day in and day out as a catholic with this, and I am a young adult catholic male. We can’t pretend as 50 years ago that there is no such temptation.


#18

Anyone know why i got this message when i tried to click on the link?

RomanRyan1088, you do not have permission to access this page. This could be due to one of several reasons:
[list=1]
*]Your user account may not have sufficient privileges to access this page. Are you trying to edit someone else’s post or access administrative features or some other privileged system?
*]If you are trying to post, the administrator may have disabled your account, or it may be awaiting activation.
[/list]


#19

[quote=RomanRyan1088]Anyone know why i got this message when i tried to click on the link?

RomanRyan1088, you do not have permission to access this page. This could be due to one of several reasons:
[list=1]
*]Your user account may not have sufficient privileges to access this page. Are you trying to edit someone else’s post or access administrative features or some other privileged system?
*]If you are trying to post, the administrator may have disabled your account, or it may be awaiting activation.
[/list]
[/quote]

That means that for whatever reason the thread has been closed down. (as many threads on these topics tend to be)


#20

Oh no - see I am with you here. I think society ( thanks to sex therapy and Dr Ruth) has really upped the ante here by telling people that this activity is natural and OK. Now we have to undo the damage done and try to convince people this is a grave sin all over again.

I don’t think we had this problem 50 years ago because people 50 years ago seemed to be more God fearing. Now it’s all about pleasure and self.


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