Question for people "done" raising families


#1

Sorry for the weird title, but I couldn't think of a good one. What I am wondering is, for those of you who are past their childbearing years and are finished having children, I would like to know what influenced your decisions to have the number of children you had. I am, quite honestly, looking for answers from people who practiced NFP, and didn't have ongoing fertility problems.


#2

we did not make the decision, God did, as in, he allowed nature to intervene with a medical crisis that ended the possibility of conceiving more children.


#3

I didn't become Catholic until after my husband died. And I've never remarried. So I have 2 boys, both are practicing Catholics.


#4

I had my third son and had a few problems delivering (not really medical problems - it just was a difficult birth). I was afraid to go through it again. I wasn't Catholic, and I had my tubes tied. So we ended up with four children altogether.
If I had it to do over again, we would have had more children.


#5

I suffered extreme nausea and depression during the first trimesters of each of my four pregnancies. I was especially tired during my last pregnancy, we had some financial difficulties due to me being laid off from my job, and she turned out to be an especially demanding child …so we just sort of stopped.


#6

[quote="rmbrulotte, post:1, topic:201430"]
Sorry for the weird title, but I couldn't think of a good one. What I am wondering is, for those of you who are past their childbearing years and are finished having children, I would like to know what influenced your decisions to have the number of children you had. I am, quite honestly, looking for answers from people who practiced NFP, and didn't have ongoing fertility problems.

[/quote]

With the birth of the 5th child, totally conscious and with no anaesthesia whatsoever, I got as close as one can get to dying without dying. They sewed me back together as best they could, but said none of it was enough to ever have the least chance of holding together at all if I ever got pregnant again; I'd simply be dead and there would be nothing whatsoever anyone could do but watch.


#7

[quote="rmbrulotte, post:1, topic:201430"]
Sorry for the weird title, but I couldn't think of a good one. What I am wondering is, for those of you who are past their childbearing years and are finished having children, I would like to know what influenced your decisions to have the number of children you had. I am, quite honestly, looking for answers from people who practiced NFP, and didn't have ongoing fertility problems.

[/quote]

What influenced me initially as a protestant was the Word of God, Sacred Scripture.

Genesis 38:8-10
8 Then Judah said to Onan, "Lie with your brother's wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to produce offspring for your brother." 9 But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother's wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother. 10 What he did was wicked in the LORD's sight; so he put him to death also.

When we came into the Catholic Church, I was amazed on how "right" the Church was in her beliefs of Life. Being open to it. It's not just that contraception is "wicked", I choose to look on the wisdom and blessings that God promises us by being open to life. In the end it is the Lord who opens and closes the womb. Hopefully my kids will take care of my wife and I when we are old. I sure as heck can't count on my 401K :D. So my wife and I have never practiced NFP. I guess I should not have replied to your question. But like the lady that posted before me. That said she would "die" if she ever got pregnant again. I would say that's the Lord closing the womb. I'm sure she is blessed with the five the Lord has given her. We need to be content in any circumstance and give our praise to the Lord for what we have been given.

My family on facebook. Old picture though, Moses is still "In the Oven" and we just had Miriam two weeks ago.
God Bless:thumbsup:
facebook.com/profile.php?id=1496900336


#8

Thank you everyone for the replies.

@Fatheroftwelve: thank you for replying. I do appreciate your response. When I said NFP, I was mainly just trying to weed out those who unabashedly used contraception/sterilization so that I didn't get the "usual" answers for not having any more kids.

We have three so far, and I am 29. I think that the knowledge that I will soon be 30 :eek: is sort of causing a mini-crisis for me. By the world's standards we are not in a position to be having any more kids (or the number we have for that matter!) and are pretty stressed out as a family so we have been avoiding for two years. My family is not Catholic or religious at all and I need some older role models!


#9

[quote="former_Catholic, post:6, topic:201430"]
With the birth of the 5th child, totally conscious and with no anaesthesia whatsoever, I got as close as one can get to dying without dying. They sewed me back together as best they could, but said none of it was enough to ever have the least chance of holding together at all if I ever got pregnant again; I'd simply be dead and there would be nothing whatsoever anyone could do but watch.

[/quote]

YIKES! I would say that is a definite example of the Lord closing the womb....although I am sorry you had endure that pain.


#10

We haven't made the decision to stop yet and hopefully won't until we have more children, but when we do decide I know our decision will be heavily based on how many miscarriages I can handle emotionally and physically. We have one child right now and have had 3 miscarriages. I'm pretty young (25) so that even further reinforces our wanting to use NFP to avoid when I get older as I know the incidence of miscarriage goes up not down with age. I don't think I could handle more than 3 or so more additional miscarriages at this point. :shrug:


#11

[quote="rmbrulotte, post:8, topic:201430"]

We have three so far, and I am 29. I think that the knowledge that I will soon be 30 :eek: is sort of causing a mini-crisis for me. By the world's standards we are not in a position to be having any more kids (or the number we have for that matter!) and are pretty stressed out as a family so we have been avoiding for two years. My family is not Catholic or religious at all and I need some older role models!

[/quote]

I don't fit your criteas for responding exactly, but my husband and I, like FatherofTwelve are leaving God in control of our fertility. I figure His plan is always going to be better than mine. Now the desires of mine, I would love to have a dozen, so it is easy for me to live out this conviction than it would be if I just wanted a couple. I am 28 and am pregnant with #7 (I was married at 18 and the babes are very close in age.)


#12

I don’t mean to be picky or snotty, but couples who practice NFP ARE leaving God in control of their fertility. They simply have to control which days they use for relations, but ultimately they leave God in charge and are always open to life.


#13

[quote="rmbrulotte, post:9, topic:201430"]
YIKES! I would say that is a definite example of the Lord closing the womb....although I am sorry you had endure that pain.

[/quote]

Ha no, don't be sorry... almost dying was a most incredible gift that I wouldn't trade for anything. Been there, done that..... when Christ said He was "the light of the world" He sure wasn't kidding...


#14

I had three early miscarriages, then spaced our girls using NFP. Second daughter was a very difficult child; she didn't sleep through the night regularly until she was 6 YEARS old, and was a real screamer, though she turned into the sweetest child ever once she started kindergarten! Needless to say, I was exhausted, and we used NFP for a breather before any further pregnancy.

However, by the time I was through with breastfeeding our second daughter, after 15 months, my cycles had started to get erratic, and I was totally post-menopausal by 43. End of story!


#15

I must ask how many kids you have aside from the second daughter and three in heaven? Three on earth?

I am so glad to hear of someone having a difficult child that turned out to be a sweetheart. Our two year old is serious business! She is finally sleeping through the night though, which is very nice.


#16

[quote="former_Catholic, post:13, topic:201430"]
Ha no, don't be sorry... almost dying was a most incredible gift that I wouldn't trade for anything. Been there, done that..... when Christ said He was "the light of the world" He sure wasn't kidding...

[/quote]

hmmm...not sure I understand the whole light of the world thing....

I still am amazed, nonetheless, that you could go through being cut open without anasthesia and consider it a gift!


#17

Just the two girls, total!

When daughter #2 was little, I was exhausted all the time; she would loom beside our bed at 3 am, staring at me until I woke up. When friends talked about their children sleeping 8 hours straight, I was insanely jealous.

As it turns out, she was diagnosed with ADHD, but not until she was 17. It explained a lot of her early behavior to us. She was always the best-behaved and kindest child in class. It required sheer force of will for her to concentrate (reading was torture for her) but she was a very good student. (She is now in a doctoral program, with her husband.)

Glad your little one is sleeping through the night. Count your blessings!!! :wink:


#18

[quote="rmbrulotte, post:16, topic:201430"]
hmmm...not sure I understand the whole light of the world thing....
I still am amazed, nonetheless, that you could go through being cut open without anasthesia and consider it a gift!

[/quote]

Oh goodness no, they didn't cut me open, it was far too late for a cesearean, and I was dead either way... The baby was completely face up, you see, and so she couldn't clear the pubic bone. Just like with a horse or a cow.... the dear midwife and a surgeon each grabbed a hip bone and helped pry me open just a bit more.... and so, because I hadn't had any anaesthesia and was conscious I could control it and get her born just fine.... not even a bruise on her.
She was fine, but I tore and hemmorhaged.... you'd say I looked plenty ugly... but I'd say it was the most beautiful thing on the face of the earth, because I wasn't altogether in that body; I was also at death and in the presence of God.... and it was absolutely wonderful. I didn't cross over, but I got close.
Beyond what you see every day and call "reality" is the Light of God. Get close to death and you'll see it quite plainly. God is.


#19

[quote="former_Catholic, post:18, topic:201430"]
Oh goodness no, they didn't cut me open, it was far too late for a cesearean, and I was dead either way... The baby was completely face up, you see, and so she couldn't clear the pubic bone. Just like with a horse or a cow.... the dear midwife and a surgeon each grabbed a hip bone and helped pry me open just a bit more.... and so, because I hadn't had any anaesthesia and was conscious I could control it and get her born just fine.... not even a bruise on her.
She was fine, but I tore and hemmorhaged.... you'd say I looked plenty ugly... but I'd say it was the most beautiful thing on the face of the earth, because I wasn't altogether in that body; I was also at death and in the presence of God.... and it was absolutely wonderful. I didn't cross over, but I got close.
Beyond what you see every day and call "reality" is the Light of God. Get close to death and you'll see it quite plainly. God is.

[/quote]

Gotcha!:thumbsup:


#20

Seven pregnancies, two miscarriages. We have five living children. We used NFP throughout our marriage (29 years and counting). NFP was a blessing throughout our marriage. It was completely counter-cultural... in the sense that we often felt like we received no support. This is the reason I am sharing this with you now. All of us who use (or used) NFP need to tell people what a blessing it is for a marriage. There is nothing more honest, open and natural than natural family planning. It requires communication, which always helps a marriage stay strong. It is a beautiful act of trust between a husband and wife as well as an act of trust in our loving God. God always gave us more than enough... enough resources to take care of our children, feed and shelter them. Be generous with your life and you will find that God will not be outdone in generousity. :thumbsup:


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