Question for the ladies


#1

When you first start seeing a guy, how soon do you tell your parents/family about him? Before the first date? After you become a couple? How soon do you expect him to tell his parents about you?

If you’ve already told your parents about him, have told him so, and are arranging for him to meet your family, do you expect him to have already told his parents about you? What if you find out that he hasn’t, and is being non-committal about telling his parents when you ask him to?

Hypothetically situation, of course.


#2

We were friends through church for quite a while before we had started dating… so our situation doesn’t really apply. I knew his mom (father deceased), he knew my parents… it morphed so slowly there wasn’t any sudden “ON” to the relationship. :shrug:


#3

I think it just depends on the family and situation.

If you’re young enough to be living with your parents, then it might come up before the first date. If not then it would be usual to me for it not to come up until that point in a relationship when you’re more officially a couple and maybe considering bringing her to a family event. I don’t think both his and her family have to know at the same time,because family dynamics vary, but if this hypothetical woman is telling her parents because she thinks you two are headed towards marriage, then she might wonder why you haven’t done the same and be offended because she might feel you’re not taking it as seriously as she is.

It sounds like you two need to get on the same page. Hypothetically.

It also sounds like if this is the girl that your parents aren’t going to approve of because she doesn’t have a degree, you need to be honest with her about the whole situation and your parents views. It’s not fair to throw her into that kind of situation without warning her. Hypothetically of course;) If that whole thing with your parents is why you’re dragging your feet, then you need to figure out how you feel about her and how much your parents are going to influence you. I can say I’d not be too endeared to you if I was her and already you are not willing to stick up for me to your parents. Doesn’t bode well for a potential marriage, hypothetically.:stuck_out_tongue:


#4

Considering that I’m living at home still (while finishing up my nurrsing degree) I think it is only right that my parents know about any guy I am seeing. I would tell them before the first date that “there is this guy I like… he is picking me up for dinner on Saturday, and I would like you to meet him.” I expect him to tell his family when I tell mine.

If he is being non-commital, I would talk to him about it… cause to me it would mean that he’s taking you for granted or embarrased to have you around… or something along those lines.

Of course, this doesn’t totally apply to me because my last boyfriend met my family before we were dating (he was actually a friend of my boyfriends at the time and we were all hanging out together). But that’s what I think I would do =]


#5

*Back when I was dating my husband…I waited until I was ‘sure’ that things were headed in a serious direction. I introduced them before we were engaged. I think personally, I’d like to know the people my kids are dating before they take that serious step towards engagement…I am close with my kids, I’m hopeful they will wish to keep their dad and me in the loop, once they become serious with someone, someday.

That said…if you are exclusive, and would like to share the news about it with your parents, I don’t see anything wrong with that. I think it could be a good thing, provided you feel that it’s heading in a positive direction.

I made the mistake back in college, of sharing with my family, about every boy I dated…and I learned that that wasn’t wise, that they looked at me as fickle, and I started to get a reputation in my own family! :blush: So, from that experience, I submit to you to perhaps only share a relationship with your parents that you feel is serious enough to do so…or at least exclusive. I know how it is…sometimes, parents ask…‘so, are you dating anyone?’ And you don’t want to say no…or you don’t know what to say.

I hope it goes well, and that things works out. Hypothetically speaking, once again. :D*


#6

Do you live at home? Do your parents support you financially?

If you are under their roof or checkbook, they would know you are dating someone when you come and go and spend $$.


#7

I’m married now, but in my single days, I couldn’t imagine dating someone and not mentioning it to my parents from the start. Of course, I didn’t tell them about every girl I ever liked or flirted with or anything, but when talking to my parents about what I’ve been up to the past week, it would seem kind of hard to leave out that I was going on a date with someone. I guess it depends upon the type of relationship you have with your parents, and what exactly you mean by “dating” someone.

I’m sorry, I just realized that this was a “question for the ladies”, but I answered anyway, so there! :stuck_out_tongue: :wink: :smiley:


#8

When I lived at home, I would tell my mom that I would be going out. I wouldn’t formally introduce them until we were exclusive. But my brother would always wait and check them out (he would also make sure that the man saw my brother’s shotgun, lol)


#9

When I first became interested in Nate I didn’t really mention anything to my parents. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen and didn’t want to start bringing this guy around who I may have ended up not liking. Once it became apparent that Nate and I were dating and things were more than just going out together to have fun I started mentioning him more around my parents. At around 4 months of dating I met some of his family members during a family 4th of July get-together. It wasn’t until we’d been dating 6 months that I brought Nate home to meet my family. Mostly for two reasons. One, I wanted to sort of keep him to myself for a bit as something special, and Two I didn’t want to introduce a random guy to my family, I wanted the guy to be special. Once Nate met those categories my family got involved. We didn’t do anything spectacular, just had him over for dinner but it was nice just the same.

And I don’t live with my parents which made bringing Nate up in topic and eventually meeting them a little more complicated.


#10

For me it would depend on the attitude of the guy. If I knew he was very close with his parents, and that their opinion was important to him I would be concerned if he didn’t introduce me.

But on the other hand if he wasn’t particularly close to them, I wouldn’t care, and would even prefer it. I always found meeting the families of boyfriends to be a chore, and it’s worse when they want to “hang out” with you.


#11

I’m married now but back in the day:

I talk to my Mom everyday so she would usually know when the first date was scheduled and how it went. She would tell my Dad. I would not directly tell my Dad anything until we were actually looking serious or long term.


#12

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