Question for the Married members from a Single?


#1

With all the posts about the various troubles and concerns that couples go through did you ever think the single life might not be so bad? I've never been married so I only have the Single persons perspective. :confused:;)


#2

[quote="Sierrah, post:1, topic:183682"]
With all the posts about the various troubles and concerns that couples go through did you ever think the single life might not be so bad? I've never been married so I only have the Single persons perspective. :confused:;)

[/quote]

Married life is much more complicated, henceforth more troubles to fall into. However, married life can offer blessings that more than make up for the complications, such as children & the marital embrace (without violating Gods Law/Will) and responsibilities that can help bring one closer to God. Plus, married life does not have to be troublesome if one takes the time to learn how to live as a holy & spiritual family, according to Gods Will !

Yes, it would be 'simpler' to not marry - but that carries with it the responsibility for lifelong chastity in order to fulfill Gods' Will, and still dedicating oneself for the spiritual benefit of others.

Neither of the above are 'easier' - each has similar responsibilities for staying on the straight and narrow path.


#3

If you get your opinion on marriage based on what you read here you will have a skewed and very negative idea of what marriage is like. The fact is most people come on here to whine and complain about their problems not necessarily to give thanks for the good things in their lives.
I know people with troubled marriages but they are in the small minority. Most people have a lot of blessings from their marriage, even when they don’t recognize it. So no, I don’t think that single life is any better.


#4

In my first marriage, I spent more time being married and wishing I was single than I ever spent being single and wishing I was married. The grass is always greener…


#5

Just because something is challenging doesn't mean it isn't worthwhile and fulfilling. A marriage that is lived with God is a beautiful thing. God created marriage, so it must be good. If you ask someone when they are going through hard times to describe marriage, you will get some negative answers. But if you were to ask those same people 5 years later, when they had overcome the difficulties, chances are you would hear a different answer.

Children can cause us pain. Does that mean we should forego children? No way. The joys far outweigh the pain. It can be a challenge to love God, but the benefits are out of this world.


#6

My wife and I have been married 36 years.. Lots of things have gone wrong, but we have worked through them.. It really makes the marriage stronger.

We have been blessed many time over with a great family.. Three wonderful daughters, a great son-in-law, one grandson and one grandchild to be born this July.

We don't have a lot of money, but I would rather be married without money, the single with a large bank account.


#7

Even with the difficulties that I experience in my marriage, I would never trade it for life as a single person. So I wouldn’t choose to be single to avoid any challenges that come with being married. Just the sheer joy of having children (even though at times they make you want to pull out your hair ) is one reason I could not imagine spending my life unmarried.


#8

*I think that marriage has many blessings, and I think it offers couples a chance to becoming something outside of themselves…very sacrificing. I think that singles have the opportunity also, to serve the Lord…but in marriage, this is acted out in different ways.

I am going through a time right now in my own marriage…just feeling worn out…and alone. :frowning: Largely, this is due to my husband’s work schedule, but we argued over the weekend, and while we made up, there are other issues that I am just sad over that arose during our ‘‘discussion.’’ Maybe this will pass, I dunno. I can see why singles would feel the way you do, Sierrah. I feel my dh and I have a strong marriage, but it has its trying moments. Being single isn’t ‘‘better,’’ but there are days when to me, it seems easier than trying to make another person see what you’re feeling, and to get him to understand. When you’re single, you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. :shrug:*


#9

I was a very happy single person. I was able to travel freely, move whenever a new job came up that interested me, and only had myself to worry about/plan for. It was great (especially since I’m a very independent person by nature)!

Today, however, I wouldn’t trade my life with my husband for anything. Our marriage has enriched both of our lives in so many ways. We are both better people and better Catholics.

I don’t think single life or married life is necessarily better for any one person. Life can be fulfilling, purposeful, and faithful in any situation. If you do feel yourself called to marriage, make sure you also find the person you are called to marry. If you marry the right person for the right reasons, marriage is a very positive thing.


#10

I guess I should put the disclaimer that we’ve only been married a couple of years…:).

But I’m sure my positive view will still exist 40 years from now. Right? :thumbsup:


#11

I think that you are going to find that like a snowflake, each marriage is going to be different. While DW and I have struggles and disagreements, I would not trade my life with her for anything. Are there times that I want to be single again, no. I know that with being single there comes indepenence, freedom, etc., however, those same attributes can be found in marriage as well. When the "three become one" it is more about your life together than apart. Mind you, this is not to say that it is all chocolates and roses within marriage. There are struggles and sacrifices just as there is with being single, just on a different scale.

I would not trade my life in for what is behind door number 2 for anything. True there are crosses to bear, but those will come into your life no matter what. It is nice to have that partner there to lean on that wants nothing but the best for you because you are a part of them.

And of course looking at my children, I could not imagine life without them. Without their blessings, without all that they (indirectly) teach me about myself, about God, about faith, about so many things. "Faith like a child" takes on an entirely new meaning. I truly have been blessed in my life and I would not want to be single to miss out on all that I have experience in my marriage, problems and all.


#12

I love my husband and enjoy our marriage very much. We've been together for 10 years (married for 4) and it's been much more wonderful than I could have imagined before I met him.

However, I believe one must first have the stability, maturity and integrity to be single in order to be good 'marriage material'. In other words, I find that people desperate for a spouse, any spouse, because they fear loneliness, or believe being single all their lives is a horrible curse or a failure, or because they imagine a spouse will magically make them happy and fulfilled (and they are unable to first find meaning and fulfillment in their relationship with God and what they themselves do in their daily lives) will have more problems and disappointments in marriage.

I don't think being single is bad at all. We all have our vocations and missions in life, some of which may be great surprises for us.


#13

Everyone here has said some really great stuff. Although, you're line of thinking is right on with St. Paul's!

1 Corinthians 7:1-2

Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.

The whole chapter expands on that.

Married life is indeed a blessing. So is a single life. I have to admit, as a single woman I was more free to totally and unflinchingly serve God in any capacity. Now, I have a husband to look after. I am increasingly more concerned for his affairs and taking care of him than matters pertaining to God. Not to mention it's harder for me to give me time to the church since I have a husband at home who I love greatly and want to spend time with as well. I mean, I used to recharge by helping out at the church, but now any time I spend away from my husband is stress! lol

The truth is, marriage is hard. Don't let anyone fool you, but it is amazing. I love my husband so much and while we have our problems, we are very happy with each other. It really is a wonderful paradox.


#14

My marriage was so "bad" that we got divorced. I never thought being single was more worthwhile than being married. In fact, in contrast to my new single life, I liked being married so much that I'm working to reconcile with Husband #1 rather than consider the possibility of Husband #2.

So no, I never felt drawn to remaining single indefinitely. I know that marriage is the vocation God intended for me.


#15

Always remember that people focus on problems and issues much more than what is going right. It is the eternal battle to perfection that we all strive for. So we try and fix what is broken.

Remember also, for those who are doing great in their marriage, they won’t post a message asking for help in these forums. They will respond to those in need, but they won’t start their own post.

Also consider if you saw 100 people in blue shirts. And in that crowd of 100 people, there was another 5 people who wore red shirts. Naturally your eyes would focus on the 5 in red. And you wouldn’t notice the 100 in blue. Same thing here.

Marriage is wonderful. It is work, and it requires maturity, self-sacrifice, patience, and endurance. But it is wonderful.


#16

I got married and divorced in my 20’s, then spent the next two decades very happily single. Although some might accuse me of being selfish, I very much enjoyed not having to answer to anyone and not having to worry about anyone but myself. Then, at age 50, I shocked all my friends and family by getting married. I’m not sure if there is really a god who hears me, but just in case, I begin every day with a prayer of thanks that my wife and I found each other. I’ve never been happier. :thumbsup:


#17

What I think you should keep first and foremost in your mind is what does GOD want for your life? What is God calling you to do for your vocation?

Remember that marriage is a vocation and a sacrament, meaning that if you are to be married then you have discerned that God is calling you to live your life with your spouse, and be open to life, until death do you part. It’s not about satisfying your emotional needs, though it can do that. If you go into marriage looking for your own desires, you will be sorely disappointed.

I strongly recommend that you start saying the rosary before the Blessed Sacrament. Beg God to send you his Holy Spirit so that you can discern your vocation in life.

Be open to what God says to you though the deep desires of your heart. It might be that God is calling you to be a priest and you just haven’t heard yet! :slight_smile:

Even if you are called to married life, then be open to God’s timing. Then, make yourself available to single women by joining Catholic dating sites and becoming active in ministries at church where you can meet Catholic single women. Do not marry a non-Catholic woman - that way lies madness (I know this intimately).

BTW: I have been married twice. Would that I had had this advice when I was young and foolish…:o


#18

I found all the answers very interesting. Thanks again for all the responses. As I said I have no experience being married so it interesting to get everyone's take on it.


#19

I have never been married but marriage seems to have it’s troubles ,but being single is even worse.


#20

[quote="Angels_Heart, post:19, topic:183682"]
I have never been married but marriage seems to have it's troubles ,but being single is even worse.

[/quote]

Sometimes I'm not so sure each seems to have it's challenges. It's out of my control anyway. :shrug:


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