I’m sure those of you with large families have experienced many comments from people about your family size. I was wondering how you all react to the comments and questions people have, such as “are they all yours,” “you must really be busy,” “they have pills for that” ect. Just curious to hear your thoughts!
I must admit,I feel very sad and hurt.
Well I’m from a family of 14, seven girls and seven boys, I don’t remember anyone saying anything about the size of the family, probably because every body else had big families as well, and if they did, I’d probably say, “well no-one is asking you to raise them”.
my reply to such questions would be: yes they are all mine, yes I know what causes it, and yes, I raise every one of them not to make insulting personal remarks to other people.
myself, i’ve never had to face that, and iam 9 out of 10:) sounds borgish doesn’t it? mom and dad had 10 kids and no, my parents as far as i know where never asked any of those questions. but if they had been, likely they would’ve answered it with dignity i love having a big family! its great! especially when we used to have the whole family for Christmas! one comment i’ve never minded is, and it came up so often that the answer was ready made, you all look and sound alike! well i said, that’s good! people would be able to tell we were related just by the looks and the voice:) they’d say oh, your one of her sisters aren’t you? I’d proudly state, yes, iam! they’d simply smile and say oh nice! the one thing that almost all of us have in common except one of my older sisters, is the laugh. that is pretty much the same for us all. we all laugh alike to a certain degree.
There are some comments and questions that I don’t take offense to at all.
For example, “Are these all yours?” I don’t know I just don’t find this one offensive or hurtful. I can at least be sympathetic to peoples’ astonishment - admit it large families are not common. Since they’re uncommon, I expect people to react with some surprise.
I wouldn’t be offended by, “you must really be busy”. Again this one just comes from peoples lack of knowlege - they don’t have a large family so they don’t know what it’s like. Truth is, yes we do stay fairly busy - but it’s not that bad, there’s plenty of help.
Now, “They have pills for that” that would probably cross a line of some sort. Depending on who they are and whether they ought to know better my response might be a polite explanation of our philosophy or a royal butt-chewing.
For most of these comments, I usually just tell people, “Yeah. We love kids.” I think I’ll begin adding, “…and each other.”
Perhaps you guys should move to Central Wisconsin. I honestly haven’t had much problem here. In fact, I mostly get confessions that people would have liked to have had one or two more.
My grandmother had the BEST response for this (she had seven kids and was widowed right after the last one was born)…
“We just LOVED makin’ babies!”
(I’m pretty sure she was commenting on the sex more than anything! :D)
Grandma was a trip!
LOL,that’s the best one i’ve heard yet!
The comment that irritates the heck out of me is “So are you done?”.
WHY do people think it’s any of their business whether we’re “done” or not?! GGGgrrrrrr!
My answer depends on the context, how busy I am, and how well I know the questioner. To strangers, I usually give a vague sort of pleasant answer.
Sometimes, a young family feels overwhelmed and the thought of adding more kids seems impossible. To these, I tell them, it gets easier as your older kids pitch in. To the mom who is harried by an only child, I tell her that it is easier to have several kids who play together than one who tails you around.
If someone says something about the cost, we usually say something about how we are very disciplined with material goods and we really appreciate how our family size forces us to NOT spoil the kids.
The “busy” comment bugs me because it seems condescending. But, some people are trying to relay sympathy. Usually, I say something polite. But, occasionally, I have taken time to open up about how innately lazy and selfish I am. Taking care of the children “makes” me overcome these vices. I know if I didn’t have kids, I* wouldn’t *be volunteering at the soup kitchen–I’d be reading novels and shopping.
Six kids is a lot in America at this time, but it wasn’t so long ago that it would just be a “good start.”
Lol, although I only have two, yesterday while doing grocery shopping I experienced two out of the three comments you just presented as examples. I was trying out my new double stroller, the newborn in the back and the 1 yr old up front. Are they all yours? (lol, two kids, yeah, they are both mine). You must be really busy (Sure, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world or Actually its not as hard as I thought it would be). Hehe, I just thought it was funny that I got these comments, I guess the stroller is kind of big so it draws attention to us. Anyways, the people who said it were not being mean or rude, but I just thought it was funny that people made the comments you listed. I only have 2 but I do get comments on having them close together, or on how I should stop now that we have a boy and a girl. Although it has come from some well meaning confused relatives, usually it just comes from people are just trying to make conversation or are just ignorant and don’t know better. I just tell them we are open to more. Sometimes it comes from people that are trying to compliment you, but there aren’t very good at it
I can’t imagine what it will be like if we are blessed with a larger family (like many of you on here) since we get so many comments with just 2. I don’t understand society nowadays where its ok tell someone to stop having kids, but not ok to mention God. Sheesh
When my husband told his boss that our unborn baby is probably a girl, the boss said “Oh good! A boy and a girl. Now you can stop.” :rolleyes: My husband just politely informed him that we’re hoping to be blessed with a large family, and the boss said, “So you want three?” :rolleyes: :rolleyes: We thought next time something like that comes up we’ll say, “Why would we want to stop at two? We just *love *kids!” or something like that.
The lady at the grocery store keeps informing me how happy she is that she never had children and that she’s happy that I’m the one having them and not her. The other day she asked how the pregnancy was going, and then told me that I’m going to be sooooo busy when the next one comes along. I said, “Well, my hands certainly aren’t full yet! :)”
Glad to know I’m not the only one who gets comments with two (and one of them not even born yet!). I can’t stand the comments (especially from MIL) about how now my son “won’t get all of Mommy’s attention” and “You’re going to have to share Mommy and Daddy with the new baby” :mad: I think she’s trying to get invited to babysit or something!
I only have four kids and I’ve never been given a mean word about them, infact I have people say " are these children all yours?" and I say… they sure are:) And the people say “good for you” or “they are beautiful or so well behaved” and personally I would Never even ask someone " are they yours" I was brought up that you just don’t do that… heck… it’s just not my business but I just smile really big at big families to let them know in my own way “good for you” or " that is so great"
I am so glad I’ve never encountered someone asking me rude type of questions over my kids as I would probably get a little hot tempered and make some sarcastic remark that would only make me look the fool:D
How odd. But, now that I think about it, my MIL said the same thing when we were expecting #2 (only 17 months apart). She said he wouldn’t get all of his “baby love.”
My mom was more worried about me. She knew from experience that a toddler and a newborn can be very draining. Oh, so worth it.!!
Well, you know your little boy will be blessed by a sib!
I like these threads. Sometimes when I’m feeling a little run down by life and taking care of home and family, it’s tempting to forget how blessed we are with our children.
Just tell them you are planning for an early retirement and you are creating your financial security team
Our number 4 child got this shirt for my wife as a Christmas present. Not too bad shopping for someone who was still in utero :rolleyes:
HAHA! Best one ever!
Wow! This quote totally touched my heart, hubby and I are trying to conceive and he has his concerns about being only 25 and me 23, I printed this quote off, Im gonna give it to him when he gets home tonight. Thanks for sharing that.
“Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born to a man in his age of youth, Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when at their gates the enemy contends”. -Psalm 127:4-5
This reaction isn’t uncommon in the (not so) wonderful world of the Pill. My mother has made comments to me about someone who has more than two or three children. Several years ago, I work with a man who has three children. When his wife was pregnant with the third child, he didn’t tell anyone at work about her pregnancy until one of our co-workers was planning a 30th birthday party for him and invited his wife. At the time she was 8 1/2 months pregnant. When she was invited she said, “You know I’m 8 months pregnant?” Needless to say, nobody knew. It was so sad because our boss and his very good friend made no bones about what he thought of people having more than one or two children. It was so sad that this man didn’t feel he could share the joy of a new baby with his co-workers.
One of mymale friends just tells people that he’s always dreamed of coaching a basketball team, and what better way to get into the industry than to breed them yourself