Question of a sexual nature...

I have gone out of my way to ensure that I have not broken any natural laws in having sex with my wife, but have had difficulty lasting longer than a short while…
I read that one can delay getting to the end by pinching one’s nether-regions, thus causing the fluids to recede back inside. This allows the couple to continue until the orgasm happens again later. My concern is the possibility that this might render the sexual act incomplete, or interfered with, or that some of the seed may be damaged or killed, and consequently this is a sin.
Does anyone know the answer to this?

Why would anyone want to pinch themselves in that way and abuse themselves in that manner? I would advice you not to do that at all. That’s really all I can say.

May God bless youand keep you safe! Saint Maria Goretti, pray for us that we may remain chaste and pure. Amen. :slight_smile:

Yeah dude…try something else besides that…:eek:

Why not just “go twice”? Seems like a less painful and far more pleasurable experience.

I’ve seen this suggestion before. And to other posters, I don’t think the OP means pinch in any painful sort of way, but just applying some pressure to slow down the males approach towards climax.

No, I don’t see anything at all sinful in this. To want to please your wife more during sex is honourable. If this works for you then go for it.

If you want to improve your endurance naturally, recommendations from doctors include extended foreplay (sometimes this backfires) and (more importantly) very frequent intimacy. If you’re waiting for long periods of time between encounters, anticipation can cause swift misfires.

Try sex more often, perhaps multiple times a day (2-3) or several times a week. That’s waaaaaaay better than what I think you’re describing.

I don’t have that kind of equipment, but yeah, I would try this method first. However, since the question is whether or not it is sinful, I don’t think so. You are not intentionally rendering the act sterile and as long as most of the semen reaches it’s appropriate destination, we are not required to do a sperm head count when it gets there. Consider the fact that in most sexual acts, there is some drippage anyway. While what you are describing does not sound like much fun to me, it isn’t violating either of the “official rules” of being procreate and unitive.

It sounds morally OK, but your doctor (a urologist, maybe?) may have more effective advice.

Think of something really messed up (non sexual) for me it kills the orgasm and I start from scratch while never actually having to stop or putting myself in physical pain.

Then you run into the problem of your wife saying, why is it taking so long, sometimes I like it when it’s really fast, stop prolonging it…

Careful what you ask for…

I don’t think you understand the technique correctly. If on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being you just got an erection and 10 being orgasm, you’re supposed to stop and squeeze the tip at 9, wait a minute and go at it again. This is supposed to take you back to 5. If you are trying to plug it and stop it once it has already started, you’re too late, the fluids are not going to recede back inside. The idea is to extend the intercourse and I think this is also sometimes a part of training to get past premature ejaculation. This is no more wrong than simply stopping for a while at intervals. Everything still ends up happening normal.

There are a lot of things you can do. Some say kegels can help a lot. If you watch porn or masturbate, stop it. The main thing that helps me get the timing right is to relax. Relax overall and also relax down there. Don’t think about it. Breathing is a key part of this too. Breathe normal deep breaths, not quick and shallow. Maybe play some easy going music. Talk to your wife about it and be candid. Tell her that practice makes perfect. Try to go slow a few times with no pressure. If she is very understanding she will try to help.

Then there’s always a shortcut. Round two. Maybe look at round one as warm-up.

I’ve heard that the average time a man lasts is under 2 minutes. I wouldn’t phrase it by saying that you aren’t the only one with this problem, I’d say it is the way God made us. There isn’t anything wrong with you. You just need to relax and be patient and have some help from your wife and you can improve on this in time.

Even if you were able to last 2 hours who says that you would have given your wife an orgasm anyway. Many women with children are so scared of sex subconsciously that they might fall pregnant again that they can’t orgasm and enjoy the sex act. For many a woman to orgasm via penile stimulation she needs to be so relaxed that it’s almost transcendent. Many men end up masturbating their wives via oral or manual finger sex until they orgasm. The church doesn’t call it wrong as the assumption is that the male will ejaculate at some point in the same session into her vagina, but really it is because the ideal is to orgasm mutually via penis inside vagina and ejaculate at the same time and it’s not permissible for the man to enjoy that pleasure from his wife if she brings him to orgasm using her mouth or hands. It’s a sin then. If the man cannot ejaculate into the vagina due to being so used to controlling ejaculation then every orgasm the female has is a form of masturbation using the males penis, especially if the goal is orgasm and not having children because she knows that she will not fall pregnant due to her knowledge of her husbands withholding ability and her confidence in natural family planning for herself.

I’m going to take a chance and assume that you are new at this. In that case, congratulations on getting married! If not, feel free to correct me.

The reason I say that is because, like many things in life, the marital act is a learned skill (for lack of a better description). It takes time to learn not only about yourself, but learning about your wife as well. Every now and then, someone will be lucky and learn quickly. Most people need to learn just as they would with any other physical activity.

If your wife is not taking it personally, then I wouldn’t worry about it. For both of you, your patience will be tested at times, but that’s exactly what it is. There is going to be a learning curve that you will both just have to work through. Eventually, you get the hang of it. If anything, it proves that you didn’t fool around in your youth and that you’re not misbehaving when you’re alone. Don’t set expectations too high. No one’s perfect. Perhaps that doesn’t help in the immediate sense, but just remember to enjoy each other on a personal level. The rest will arrive in due time.

I recommend that the OP talk to his family doctor, who will probably refer him to a urologist.

It isn’t sinful for a young man to want to be able to “last” for the sake of being able to bring his beloved wife to orgasm while still inside her.

There are many tried-and-true (and painless) techniques, both physical and mental, that men can learn to help them delay ejaculation. Just like any other activity, love-making consists of skills that must be learned–these skills are not “instinctive,” and people who say, “Just do what comes naturally” are foolish.

I advise the young OP to go to the doctor, learn the skills of lovemaking, and start practicing them.

I also think that the advice to have sex 2-3 times a day is probably impractical, and for many women, possibly painful. At the very least, it’s messy for women, unless they are home all day and have nothing else to do except make love and take showers–wow, I want that life! :slight_smile:

At any rate, having sex several times a day is not practical for either men or women. OP, please go to the doctor and learn the techniques and skills that other men learn.

I know the Church says it’s OK for a husband to stimulate his wife with his hands or mouth, but I have never understood why that would be so. Surely this is not a procreative act, and not needed for procreation? It is just something that some men do to satisfy women’s sexual desires.

Necessary and permissible aren’t the same thing. For example, it is not necessary for a couple to be fully naked when having sex, but it is most certainly permissible.

:eek:

Do you extend this idea to kissing, backrubs, cuddling, or any other touching between a husband and wife that isn’t intercourse? None of those are “necessary” for procreation either.

Of course, sex isn’t only about procreation. In fact, a large portion of the time, when a husband and wife have sex pregnancy isn’t even possible. But sex is still permissible then…hmmm…:hmmm:

I wouldn’t recommend doing this, though I don’t know that it would be sinful. My recommendations would be (1) greater frequency, as others have suggested, and (2) occupy your mind with something else during those times that you want to last longer for your wife. Set your mind to performing some mundane mental task, like adding two large numbers. It’s not going to be nearly as much fun for you, so you probably don’t want to do this every time. But you can do it sometimes for your wife.

You might look at it as simply a completion of the act that was already begun.

This doesn’t really answer your question, but takes a step back from it.

Is sex with your wife fulfilling? Is she happy? Aside from this issue, are you happy? Is it working for you both? If yes, don’t worry about trying to last longer. You don’t need to.

If no, be assured that your problem isn’t necessarily a problem. If you’re not lasting long enough to consummate the act, then you might want to talk to a doctor for advice. Otherwise, just relax and focus on what’s right rather than on what’s wrong.

The actions you’ve described are about closeness and tenderness and are not solely or necessarily sexual. The actions I mentioned are designed to give women orgasms, independent of penetration and ejaculation, solely to satisfy physical lust. No way are they compatible with Christian marriage.

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