I’m a 15 year old girl raised in a Catholic environment all my life. However, this past year I have fallen into something of a depression…I am sad all the time, and have lost touch with God and even myself. I am sometimes happy with myself and my life, but most of the time I do not enjoy who I am and wonder why I even exist…I feel terribly ungrateful.
My mom knows and is trying to help pull me through. However, I have a lingering question: you see, I have developed a pattern of binge eating. I eat excess sweets until I can no longer eat without feeling sick. This used to happen once a month, but it now occurs nearly every day. I eat because I’m emotionally hurt, I’m stressed, and I crave something sweet and soothing. Afterward, I always regret what I’ve done and I vow never to do it again…but I do. My mom says I do it out of compulsiveness from my messed up brain chemistry- I lack serotonin therefore my brain signals for me to turn to sweets for comfort and a “happy” feeling…but I am scared. Is this gluttony? Am I committing a mortal sin every day? I’ve been receiving communion on Sundays…I do confess to the priest that I eat emotionally at times, but I never go into detail. I mean, gluttony is a capital sin.
What should I do?? I’ve tried multiple times to stop…its not easy! And yet, at the same time, I don’t feel like I’m trying hard enough. I just give in.
I wish I had a better relationship with God, then I wouldn’t have to doubt my actions…how can I pray and really learn to listen?