Question on remarrying a non-catholic


#1

I have lost touch with my faith and would like to attend mass and place my children in CCD. However I have been divorced and re-married. The man I married is Baptist and we tend to disagree on religion issues. Will I ever be able to recieve communion again? And how do we agree on religion and a compromise? Also we are discussing having a child together, how do we decide on baptism? HELP!!!


#2

In order for your current marriage to be copasetic with the church and to be eligible to legitimately receive the sacraments, you’re going to have to get an annulment with your first husband first, or wait until he dies.

As far as baptism for the child, you’re going to have to promise to raise the child Catholic if he is going to be in recipiency of Catholic baptism.

As far as your current children, since they were presumably baptized Catholic, you already promised to raise them Catholic and prepare them to receive the sacraments. If you can’t do it all yourself, that means CCD classes or enrolling the kids in Catholic school.


#3

So in order for the annulment I would need to talk to a priest? Can you tell me the process of that? One more thing, how do they decide if my previous marriage will be annuled? Also after will I be able to receive communion? Sorry I am full of questions tonight.


#4

[quote=millsx6]So in order for the annulment I would need to talk to a priest? Can you tell me the process of that? One more thing, how do they decide if my previous marriage will be annuled? Also after will I be able to receive communion? Sorry I am full of questions tonight.
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Talking to the priest would be a good first step, but annulments are given by diocesan tribunals.

Tribunals decide annulments by referring to canon law, the parish priest should be able to get you an expert opinion on your case or refer you to someone else who can.

After your annulment goes through, your current marriage can be regularized, and you should be good to go vis a vis communion.

The whole process does take time, so patience is the key word here.


#5

[quote=millsx6] I have lost touch with my faith and would like to attend mass and place my children in CCD.
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Wonderful! Start attending Mass & by all means put your kids in CCD.

[quote=millsx6] However I have been divorced and re-married.
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This means you cannot receive the Sacraments, but you can still attend Mass and your children can participate fully in the Sacraments.

[quote=millsx6] Will I ever be able to recieve communion again?
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You may be able to. The first step is to talk to your priest. Your first marriage will need to be examined by the Tribunal in your dioceses to determine if you have any grounds for a decree of nullity. If your current husband has been married before, his marriage(s) will also need to be examined. Step One: talk to your priest.

[quote=millsx6] And how do we agree on religion and a compromise? Also we are discussing having a child together, how do we decide on baptism? HELP!!!
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I might suggest postponing starting your family together until after you’ve worked through these issues. Again, your priest can be a great source of wisdom on this matter. The Baptist religion is very different from the Catholic religion. Would he consider going to RCIA to learn more about what the Catholic Church teaches either to possibly convert or to at least understand what his children and stepchildren are learning in CCD and what you believe? Would he consider going to counseling with the priest to try to work through your differences?


#6

1ke gave an excellent response to your post…the issues you have raised are so difficult and can seem overwhelming and scary. I would only add that you start to pray. Renew your prayer life…daily prayer to Our Lady, especially beginnng today on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, can do nothing but help you during this time.

And welcome HOME…


#7

[quote=Kielbasi]Talking to the priest would be a good first step, but annulments are given by diocesan tribunals.

Tribunals decide annulments by referring to canon law, the parish priest should be able to get you an expert opinion on your case or refer you to someone else who can.

After your annulment goes through, your current marriage can be regularized, and you should be good to go vis a vis communion.

The whole process does take time, so patience is the key word here.
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Does she have to live as brother and sister in her current marriage, though, while the annulment is being reviewed? Or is that not necessary since he’s a baptist with no intention to convert?

(I ask because my brother’s in a very similar situation and I’m trying to bring him home to the Church…)


#8

[quote=YinYangMom]Does she have to live as brother and sister in her current marriage, though, while the annulment is being reviewed? Or is that not necessary since he’s a baptist with no intention to convert?

(I ask because my brother’s in a very similar situation and I’m trying to bring him home to the Church…)
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she, and your brother, need to get the priest’s counsel in confession on this matter, not appropriate for anyone here to comment. we already know what Catholic teaching is, to apply it to personal situation is the pastoral role of the priest.


#9

I don’t know much but here is my understanding of things:

Assuming your children are baptized you could proably enroll them in any CCD class. If they are baptized you already vowed to raise them in the faith, which includes instructing them, or getting them instruction, and ensuring they go to mass regularly among other things, even if you can not recieve communion.

I don’t need to remind you what Jesus said about divorce living with someone else, however if you were never married sacramentally to begin with than there was never a sacramental marriage to divorce. Since it is the spouses who are the ministers for the sacrament of marriage the church assumes they did it correctly, formed a valid marriage, unless an inquiry proves otherwise. That act that the church declares that your marriage wasn’t sacramental is called an annulment.

Such things like being already married to someone else (even though legally divorced,) killing the potential spouse’s former spouse in order to marry, being forced to marry, not giving free consent, not being open to children, Catholics not being married in the church, etc means that the right things wern’t there for there to be a marriage to begin with.

Also if that person is now dead the marraige is no more; dead people can’t be married.

In order to get the ball rolling on it see your parish priest. There are books and stuff written about it too if you need to.

Assuming the annulment process claims you arn’t married already, then you need to go through the convalidation process with the current husband so that the church can convalidate or put its blessing on the current marriage. Catholics need to be married like Catholics, so its a relatively simple process, it can be less than an hour as I recall. Now I’m not sure wheter its simply putting the church’s blessing on it or adding an essential ingredient to make it sacramental, you may want to ask someone more knowlegeable about that.

Seperation is understandable in certain circumstances, but Jesus teaches strongly against having sex with someone else. So until you are sure you are not married to the previous husband its not a good idea to be having intimate relations with him.

A simple confession is all that is needed to come back, and you can take communion too, assuming you dont have marital relations (which could be adultry, we’re unsure until the results of the tribunal come back.) First Coritnthians 11 explicitly bans us from recieving communion in a state of mortal sin, so thats why if you continue to sleep together (because it could be adultry) you shouldn’t recieve communion, although you are still encouraged to attend mass.

As for your husband who is baptist simply pray for him, God will give you all the strength you need for whatever he wants for you and him. St. Monica’s husband was a pagan, this caused a lot of issues but utimately, she became a saint, and her son, St. Augustine, didn’t turn out to bad either.

Getting your son baptized shouldn’t be an issue if you promise to raise him in the faith. Now if it turns out your marriage wasn’t annuled and you begin to sleep again with your current husband I don’t know if the priest will take issue with it because if someone knowingly rejects a teaching of the church to essentialy commit adultry one could question if the willingness to raise the child in the faith is that person herself chooses to reject the faith. Although until the annulment process is completed the person will proably be given the benifit of the doubt. Talk to a preist about it becasue the decision is up to him.

You should proably ask someone more compitent than me. My feeble explanation was the long way around, the short way is go to confession and everything is honky dory! Pray, read your bible, and go to church. Pray with faith and you won’t believe what God will do in your life.

Oh, BTW, pray, pray, pray, pray.


#10

[quote=YinYangMom]Does she have to live as brother and sister in her current marriage, though, while the annulment is being reviewed? Or is that not necessary since he’s a baptist with no intention to convert?

(I ask because my brother’s in a very similar situation and I’m trying to bring him home to the Church…)
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Living as “brother and sister” really isn’t an option here, as the husband in this situation isn’t Catholic and would presumably not go for it. The option here would be separation and civil annulment or divorce with the current husband.

Should she exercise that option?

Don’t know, that depends on many factors that she might want to discuss with the parish priest. The cost of subjecting the children to still another broken home and possibly poverty from the separation is pretty great.


#11

[quote=Kielbasi]Living as “brother and sister” really isn’t an option here, as the husband in this situation isn’t Catholic and would presumably not go for it. The option here would be separation and civil annulment or divorce with the current husband.

Should she exercise that option?

Don’t know, that depends on many factors that she might want to discuss with the parish priest. The cost of subjecting the children to still another broken home and possibly poverty from the separation is pretty great.
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no way does the Catholic Church expect separation and divorce to be an option. The Catholic party is bound by Church laws in marriage, not the non-Catholic party. By marrying him outside the Church she deprived him of the opportunity to be informed about her obligations, which they are both now going to discover.

OP needs to see her parish priest without delay. Further discussion on this forum is useless in this case as regards to her marriage situation. It is not helpful and possibly harmful to supply advice or opinions that may or may not pertain to her.

As far as returning to the Faith, she should begin attending Mass immediately with her children, enroll them in CCD, and it would be a great thing to attend with them as a volunteer in their class, so she is learning with them and becoming re-acquainted with the basics of the faith. The whole family can pray together in many ways- grace before and after meals, morning and evening, reading the bible together.

If the children were baptized Catholic, there is no option except to raise them Catholic. That is the solemn promise both parents made at baptism.


#12

Thank you everybody. I plan on talking to a priest on our Military base this weekend.


#13

[quote=puzzleannie]no way does the Catholic Church expect separation and divorce to be an option.

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I think that the man in this situation is certainly going to consider it an option. He isn’t likely to be that in tune with supporting a woman and her children if he isn’t in a relationship with her.

As far as her children from her first marriage, you’re absolutely correct, if they were baptized Catholic, they need to be catechized in the faith possibly including CCD classes, regardless of what her living arrangements or marital status is.


#14

[quote=puzzleannie]no way does the Catholic Church expect separation and divorce to be an option. The Catholic party is bound by Church laws in marriage, not the non-Catholic party. By marrying him outside the Church she deprived him of the opportunity to be informed about her obligations, which they are both now going to discover.

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While the Church hopes that separation is not an option, the Church teaches that it may become a reality. The Church does not sanction civil divorce, and if a civil divorce is granted, for whatever reason, the Catholic in that marriage is still bound by their marriage vows unless they are granted a decree of nullity from the marriage. From the Catholic Catechism, the Holy Mother Church teaches:

1649 Yet there are some situations in which living together becomes practically impossible for a variety of reasons. In such cases the Church permits the physical separation of the couple and their living apart. The spouses do not cease to be husband and wife before God and so are not free to contract a new union. In this difficult situation, the best solution would be, if possible, reconciliation. the Christian community is called to help these persons live out their situation in a Christian manner and in fidelity to their marriage bond which remains indissoluble.157


#15

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