I certainly don’t want to belabor this past its due, but since I do not think you have read what I have written clearly or correctly at all (possibly letting your emotions and fears about the issue torule), please read what I’m going to say carefully and with the intent in which it is written.
You said of me, "Using a Sacramental to imitate (and that is exactly what you are talking about) a Sacrament is scandalous.
You are completely in error in the above statement and all of what I have written previously proves that. I specifically stated just the opposite, which makes me wonder why you are reading the way you are and why you would make such an accusation.
Possibly the terminology is misleading you. When someone places oil on another the term used normally in our language is ‘annoint’. If we are using theological terms, then annointing is a action limited to a priest. That much we can agree on.
So lets drop the term ‘annointing’ in regards to a sacramental and replace it with the word ‘blessing’ which word you have used concerning your husband and his ministry. Now, please tell me, why giving a formal ‘blessing’ by a deacon could not be seen as causing the same confusion that annointing with oil might? All Catholics know it is the priest who gives the blessing------why does that not confuse them when your husband does so?
You are in error of church teaching if you say that a deacon may not ‘bless’ oil and then use that ‘blessed oil’ to give a ‘blessing’ to another Catholic (which ‘blessing’ comes in the form of the deacon ‘annointing’—remember we’re using real language here). Blessing oil and using it is a licit form of the ministry for deacons. If your husband REFUSES under ANY circumstances to do such (not just that there is no opportunity), then, for the life of me, I can’t understand why that refusal would not be against his vows as a deacon. He does have the option of asking if they want a priest, but it isn’t ‘just that simple’ as you say if again, in his personal judgment, he refuses to accept the licity of what the church allows him.
Again, this is your perception of the ‘possibility’ of possible scandal, not the probability, and it’s not as if the church is unaware of that possibility, but still allows a deacon to function as an ordained clergy. (And again, a blessing from a deacon can possibly be just as confusing)
Your fears may have some validity, but when you state regarding my family member who is a deacon, “he is venturing into what I consider to be dangerous territory” you are confirming what I have said, ‘you consider’. You have placed your own judgment over against that of the church itself in allowing oil to be used by a deacon. We can all discuss whether something allowed is prudent, but that does not change the decision of the church. If a deacon, because of his own personal beliefs and judgment, refuses to allow what the church allows, I would question who is in dangerous territory…my deacon relative who will ‘bless with oil’ when appropriate according to rubrics and NOT imitating a Sacrament, or your deacon husband who won’t.