question regarding marriage


When I’m older I’m going to marry a man and I’m wondering can you have a non religous marriage? because I often see religion grouped with marriage and I’m wondering if you can get a non religous wedding since I’m both agnostic and gay. Also if religion is essential to marriage then what religion do you suggest?


depends on where you live right now.


There is such a thing as a civil marriage. Speak to a local community group, they may know a Justice of the Peace who can do a civil marriage for you.


How old are you?


The state might recognise your marriage, I’m not sure of laws where you are. If you don’t regard religion as ‘essential’ to marriage and the state recognises it, then yes you could have a non-religious marriage.

However for me marriage is a religious act… even if it were done in a registry office and not in the church, it’s a compact before God.


Don’t understand the question. Do you mean, can two people who have no common religious grounds to have a happy natural marriage? Possibly. Do you mean, can a non-Catholic marry a Catholic in a ceremony outside the Catholic Church? No, not validly. The Catholic must receive a dispensation to marry a non-Catholic or non-baptized person, both parties must under go marriage preparation to insure the conditions for valid marriage are present, and the marriage must be witnessed according the rules of canon law.


Um… With the first sentence and the last sentence, I gotta ask, are you a man or a woman? That would affect a lot of things. If you’re a man and going to marry a man, there are certain places you can go to do that (the state of Massachusetts, the Netherlands, and a couple other places), and some religions will marry you (mostly very liberal Christian churches). You also can be married civilly (by a JP or notary - my mom once presided at the marriage of two of her non-Christian friends - long story there, but it was a legal marriage and everything) in those places. However, if you’re a woman, you can be married civilly anywhere and no religion has to come into it at all.


Not true. Massachusetts etc might SAY you’re married, but that doesn’t make it so. Marriage can only be true and valid if it is between 2 consenting adults of the opposite gender where all the conditions relating to them being free to marry are met.

Just God’s opinion…


If you are looking for a religious aspect to your wedding very liberal Christian churches and the Universal Unitarian Church will “bless” a commitment ceremony, but that is about it.
And I am going to get flamed for this, but a pagan Handfasting could be used as well (I witnessed many of these back in my pagan days). This involves finding a high priest or priestess who will perform the ceremony. You will write the entire thing, and then s/he will perform what you tell s/he to. The basic of this involve the statement of commitment, the blessing of some sort of diety, and the tying of the intendeds hands together to symbolize the joining of the two parties.
On a side note, I have seen a poly-amorous relationship use this approach as well. I believe 4 people were marrying each other.


I know they wouldn’t be actually married, but the OP seems to think they would be. I’m addressing what’s important to the OP, who doesn’t seem to be particularly worried about what God thinks. That’s for another time and place.


since neither being an atheist nor being gay makes you a member of a non-Catholic religion, I am still misunderstanding the question in OP. surely a forum catering to persons of either of those persuasions would be of more help to you.


Marriage is a very serious contract particularly if consecrated.

I would never encourage a couple to enter a consecrated marriage lightly. The consequences can be too disastrous if things go wrong. :mad:

The Christian conceptualisation of marriage is to provide a strong mutually supportive base for the spouses and the procreation of children. If a couple are a same sex coupling then that is not an option, therefore in the eyes of the Church Catholic at least, I cannot speak for another, marriage would be wrong.

Good luck on your search:)


Thanks for all the responses! :smiley:

There were a few questions asked so I’ll address them.
1.I’m 16 in 4 days (not planning on getting married soon.)
2.I live in Canada
3.I’m a male
4.Religion is not important in the least to me.

btw someone said that people are only truely married if its opposite gender and catholic then stated “just gods opinion…” I think you should express yous own opinion without labeling it as Gods. We don’t know what his/her/its opinion is or if God truely exists. Your free to believe as you wish, but its seems rather short sighted on your part to claim to know the opinion of a controversial omnipotent being without hearing from God yourself :slight_smile:


the teachings we pass on have been received from God Himself, which is why it is called “Divine Revelation”. This revelation is complete and entire in the Person of Jesus Christ, and the history of God’s revelation of Himself is written in the Old and New Testament of the Christian Bible, wherein we find God’s laws on marriage, relationships, sexuality, family, morality and everything governing the relations of humans with one another, as well as Humans with God. The individual Christian is not entitled to hold and act on his own opinion on these matters. The Catholic Church holds and teaches the fullness of Truth matters of faith and morals, including the teaching the God instituted marriage as the union of one man and one woman, as recorded in Genesis at the very beginning of creation of the human race, and no earthly power, government or otherwise, has the ability to change that.


Hello Shadowfire,

You may find lots of compelling reasons to consider the Christian faith if you were to post a thread in the Apologetics section challenging Christians to respond to your belief that religion is not important, and any other topics you are firmly set on.

Just a suggestion, in case you are interested in hearing views from the Christian side.



I’m glad to hear that you’re not planning on getting married soon, since 16 is FAR too young to marry.
As to your OP, I believe same sex marriages are legal in Canada, so you could get married in your home country. Also, as other posters have pointed out, justices of the peace and other civil officials can perform marriages. So you could simply have a civil marriage. If you want to have a religious marriage (and I’m not quite sure why you would, if you’re agnostic) the Unitarians would bless your union, as would pagans (people who follow naturalist religions). There are probably others, but I can’t name them off the top of my head. I’m sure you could do a search online for religions that marry same-sex couples.


Just my ‘2 pennies’ but at 16 you can’t possibly understand what ‘marriage’ means, nor ‘know for sure’ you’re gay…When I was 15, 16…infact until well into my 20s I thought I was lesbian, because I preferred to look at women, found them more attractive and just couldn’t imagine a relationship with a man…

Now I realise I simply hadn’t met the right man yet:p

So, don’t even worry about all this…until you’re MUCH older…and if marriage is on the cards for you, you’ll meet the right woman. If not, then life is still worth living:thumbsup: .

Anna x


2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

2357 Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity, tradition has always declared that “homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered.” They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.

2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.

2396 Among the sins gravely contrary to chastity are masturbation, fornication, pornography, and homosexual practices.

1640 Thus the marriage bond has been established by God himself in such a way that a marriage concluded and consummated between baptized persons can never be dissolved. This bond, which results from the free human act of the spouses and their consummation of the marriage, is a reality, henceforth irrevocable, and gives rise to a covenant guaranteed by God’s fidelity. The Church does not have the power to contravene this disposition of divine wisdom.

1631 This is the reason why the Church normally requires that the faithful contract marriage according to the ecclesiastical form. Several reasons converge to explain this requirement:

  • Sacramental marriage is a liturgical act. It is therefore appropriate that it should be celebrated in the public liturgy of the Church;

  • Marriage introduces one into an ecclesial order, and creates rights and duties in the Church between the spouses and towards their children;

  • Since marriage is a state of life in the Church, certainty about it is necessary (hence the obligation to have witnesses);

  • The public character of the consent protects the “I do” once given and helps the spouses remain faithful to it


Thanks to those who answered my question like valient Lucy and also cred to those who spoke respectively.

Do you think some of you could tone down on the preaching and such though? I’ve been stressed enough as it is with my friends talking about going around with swords slicing apart homosexuals (including myself) and bombing san fransisco to exterminate the “gay problem” and not to mention the stress I feel around my family them not knowing and the constant thought lingering in my head of “if they knew” so I REALLY don’t need reconfirmation of the fact that a whole religion seems to be against me…honestly I’m asking for help since I don’t know too much about marriages then everyone seems to be listing reasons why I’m immoral.


It seems equally short-sighted for you to presume nobody on here ever heard from God themself.

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