Question?


#1

I know the teaching on oral sex, but I had a question. Is my wife allowed to give me oral, but me not finish? What if I just like having her do that, but I know finishing would be a sin.


#2

What teaching are you refering too. I know there are several conflicting opinions out these. Love wants to give, lust wants to take.


#3

[quote="brendenseth, post:1, topic:317457"]
I know the teaching on oral sex, but I had a question. Is my wife allowed to give me oral, but me not finish? What if I just like having her do that, but I know finishing would be a sin.

[/quote]

buy "The Good News About Sex and Marriage" Christopher West.

Any question you need answered about this stuff is there.


#4

[quote="brendenseth, post:1, topic:317457"]
I know the teaching on oral sex, but I had a question. Is my wife allowed to give me oral, but me not finish? What if I just like having her do that, but I know finishing would be a sin.

[/quote]

Gosh, can't the two of you work that one out! ;-)

I didn't know there was a teaching on oral sex. I don't suspect it's sinful under the conditions you mention, at least, I don't see why it is. Presumably one is showing one's love and desiring to pleasure one's spouse, which are good things.


#5

Oral stimulation counts as foreplay for sex. It is intended for the arousal of the spouses for climax at the end. To take it out of this context, and use it only for pleasure, is lust.

Your question is vague, especially the last sentence. Can you clarify exactly what it is you are asking?


#6

You know what he means! And yes, it wouldn’t ordinarily be right to reach orgasm through oral sex (for you, anyway), unless you were very agile.


#7

:popcorn:


#8

:knight2:


#9

[quote="jonathan_hili, post:6, topic:317457"]
You know what he means! And yes, it wouldn't ordinarily be right to reach orgasm through oral sex (for you, anyway), unless you were very agile.

[/quote]

Actually, no, it is vague. He says that "finishing would be a sin." but I'm not sure if he thinks that it is a sin to finish outside of his wife or if it is a sin to finish at all. I'm trying to find out what he knows and doesn't know so I can answer the question.


#10

[quote="jonathan_hili, post:6, topic:317457"]
You know what he means! And yes, it wouldn't ordinarily be right to reach orgasm through oral sex (for you, anyway), unless you were very agile.

[/quote]

I said I didn't reach orgasm, my question was is it acceptable to receive it just for the feeling with no climax.


#11

[quote="dshix, post:9, topic:317457"]
Actually, no, it is vague. He says that "finishing would be a sin." but I'm not sure if he thinks that it is a sin to finish outside of his wife or if it is a sin to finish at all. I'm trying to find out what he knows and doesn't know so I can answer the question.

[/quote]

I know it's a sin to finish outside of my wife, therefore being mindful of that I didn't let myself finish. I just wondered of that act was sinful, or maybe this would fall into the near occasion of sin category?


#12

[quote="brendenseth, post:10, topic:317457"]
I said I didn't reach orgasm, my question was is it acceptable to receive it just for the feeling with no climax.

[/quote]

[quote="brendenseth, post:11, topic:317457"]
I know it's a sin to finish outside of my wife, therefore being mindful of that I didn't let myself finish. I just wondered of that act was sinful, or maybe this would fall into the near occasion of sin category?

[/quote]

I believe that it is either a near occasion of sin or a sin to receive stimulation with no intention of finishing. When you do this, you essentially using the act of sex to obtain personal pleasure and gratification (lust) instead of engaging in an act of love with your wife. I would definitely suggest not trying to receive stimulation without actually engaging in the marital act, because then the purpose of it is gratification instead of opening the door to God to give a child.

Remember, the two purposes of sex are unification between the spouses and cocreation with God. Oral stimulation achieves neither, in the context you are describing.


#13

While you won’t read any definitive lines in the Catholic Catechism when it comes to oral sex, the church does draw some directives from its traditional teaching on sexuality to provide some guidance. Many people are surprised to hear that even within marriage, the church makes a distinction between oral “sex” and oral stimulation. If we define oral sex as orally stimulating the male partner to orgasm, then the church would prohibit that even for married couples.


#14

This may be a silly question but, have you talked to your priest about this?


#15

[quote="aidanbradypop, post:7, topic:317457"]
:popcorn:

[/quote]

my thoughts exactly


#16

As a married man, I have no idea why you would want to do this anyway.

My wife and I worked out that physical affection that resulted in arousal was a bad idea during abstinence phases of NFP. It led to frustration and even physical discomfort.

We found that expressing affection in other ways during this period was much more important and helpful. And doing this helps avoid lust, and reinforces a more holistic respect for your spouse, whereas acts of foreplay that don't lead to intercourse can IMO lead to lust.

Whether it is strictly immoral per se, I'll leave to those who have studied the issue more closely.


#17

[quote="underacloud, post:16, topic:317457"]
As a married man, I have no idea why you would want to do this anyway.

My wife and I worked out that physical affection that resulted in arousal was a bad idea during abstinence phases of NFP. It led to frustration and even physical discomfort.

We found that expressing affection in other ways during this period was much more important and helpful. And doing this helps avoid lust, and reinforces a more holistic respect for your spouse, whereas acts of foreplay that don't lead to intercourse can IMO lead to lust.

Whether it is strictly immoral per se, I'll leave to those who have studied the issue more closely.

[/quote]

We are in an abstinence phase of our NFP too, I just wanted to know if this was something I had to go to confession for? Me and my wife are constantly working on ways to express our affection during this time, but we do incur bumps along the road.


#18

[quote="dshix, post:12, topic:317457"]
I believe that it is either a near occasion of sin or a sin to receive stimulation with no intention of finishing. When you do this, you essentially using the act of sex to obtain personal pleasure and gratification (lust) instead of engaging in an act of love with your wife. I would definitely suggest not trying to receive stimulation without actually engaging in the marital act, because then the purpose of it is gratification instead of opening the door to God to give a child.

Remember, the two purposes of sex are unification between the spouses and cocreation with God. Oral stimulation achieves neither, in the context you are describing.

[/quote]

Hi DShix, I'm not sure here, for a couple of reasons:
(i) Oral stimulation may be a prelude to the marital act, and so therefore seen as foreplay and not a separate event.
(ii) Even if it was not part of the marital act, I wouldn't say that it necessarily follows that "you [are] essentially using the act of sex to obtain personal pleasure and gratification (lust) instead of engaging in an act of love with your wife". Oral sex may be an act of love. Furthermore, lust is a matter of intention - what if, for instance - a wife initiated the act, it need not follow that lust is involved; and I think there is also a sense of "lust" with the sexual act. Finally, oral sex is not "sex" proper, and so I think it's difficult to draw the line and forbid it as sin. I mean, aren't there other forms of affection that induce lust, like physical touch and contact, even kissing sometimes. Should they too be avoided?


#19

[quote="brendenseth, post:17, topic:317457"]
We are in an abstinence phase of our NFP too, I just wanted to know if this was something I had to go to confession for?

[/quote]

I'd say just ask your priest in your next confession. No need to rush to confession regarding this, since it clearly doesn't reach the level of mortal sin for you (ie you don't know if it is a sin) at this stage, even if you find it is considered a sin (and the jury seems out).

Your priest can hopefully advise you further. Without clear teaching from the Church, it seems appropriate to tackle this as a pastoral issue. And a prudential one - even if some might argue that it's not wrong per se, you have to consider whether it's a good thing within your marriage.


#20

Hi jonathan,

I agree with what you are saying here. I was not speaking objectively, but was rather shaping my response to fit the OP’s question. This is what caught my eye:

Is my wife allowed to give me oral, but me not finish? What if** I just like having her do that, but I know** finishing would be a sin.

The wording here doesn’t sound like an act of love. If you are kissing someone you love, it isn’t necessarily because it gives you arousal, but because it is a unitive act which expresses your love.

In the OP, it honestly sounds like a person asking if it is moral for his wife to give him pleasure. It doesn’t sound like asking permission to enjoy an act where they both express love for each other.

Now, I can’t make any judgments as to the OP’s intentions, and it is definitely possible that he just worded his post badly, but now you know the reason for the tone of my response.


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