I was just curious about something. Me and my wife are doing nfp, but would it be ok to perform oral on her? She’s fertile right now so we can’t fully have sex.




This was JUST posted on the Ask An Apologist forum and Michelle Arnold gave an excellent response.


Sexual stimulation outside of the sex act (especially when being used instead of sex) is immoral. Oral stimulation as a means of foreplay only is allowed as long as the sexual act ends in the normal fashion.


It is an excellent response. As Michelle explained so well, the concept of intimacy needs to be understood in a much broader sense within marriage. NFP can be hard, but finding ways to express your love for your spouse in non-physical ways is one of its great benefits.


If I am reading this correctly, I cannot believe that this not a sin, even if married. Oh my, but masturbation is a sin ? Whoa.


Masturbation is completely born out of prideful lust. Oral sex within the context of the marital act is oftentimes born out of the love of the other person and the wish for closer intimacy. Completely different species.


This is one thread I wish I had not opened. I need to take a good look at our church’s mind set regarding sexual activity.


No, you read incorrectly.

Oral stimulation is not the same as masturbation. Masturbation applies to one party alone, not both. The sexual act is meant to be a bonding experience between husband and wife. As foreplay, it is okay to stimulate each other either by touching or oral stimulation. Touching one’s self is not okay, because it is not a unitive experience. However, if touching or oral stimulation is used as foreplay, it may not be done to the point where the man reaches climax outside of the normal fashion. The sexual act must be completed in the normal fashion.

Using touching or oral stimulation as a substitute for sex is immoral.


Where is this written? When was the decision made that oral sex is okay.? Source please.


Couple of things:

Traditionally, the Church teaches that a married couple may engage in oral sex foreplay, but this should always lead to a climax through vaginal sex. Oral sex is not to be used as an alternative to vaginal sex, as a form of birth control.

If it is used in the act of foreplay that leads to sexual intercourse where the male climaxes into the female, then oral stimulation is certainly permissible for a couple to engage in within marriage.

And I know Pope Emeritus Benedict had something to say to the same effect, but I can’t remember where he said it.


Thank you. I will check these out. I am having a difficult time accepting this as okay. Any act for stimulation is okay in marriage although we call it perversity . Catholic Answers even had a doctor on their radio program explaining why oral or anal sex is not good. But for stimulation in marriage any act is okay as long as you wait to climax?

Thanks again, got lots of research to do and many prayers to pray.


“The Epistle of Barnabas” has a relevant passage to this particular discussion. Discussing the Jewish Dietary laws in a symbolic manner, he references the weasel. As an example of an animal not to imitate. That is, those who use their mouths to practice vice. He claims the weasel uses its mouth to impregnate!



This is absolutely eye opening. Sin is sin no matter who says no, not anymore. Thank you.


I’ll reiterate:

Oral stimulation is only okay within marriage when used as foreplay, but the man must climax inside the woman (which is often called the normal/regular fashion of the marital act). Since the woman’s climax is not an integral part in procreation, it is okay if she reaches climax from oral stimulation, but again, only within the marital act where the man climaxes inside of her.


So I could get my wife to climax after I finish? This would be a big help because she has had extra long fertile periods, so I’m rather quick haha.


As far as I know, but like I said, it is only allowed during regular intercourse, and not allowed to be a substitute for intercourse.

closed #18

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit