Questions about Marriage and Communion


#1

I was raised Catholic and fell away from the Church after my mothers death when I was 18. I am married outside of the Church to a former Baptist. After my husband and I started to search for a new "church home" my heart was drawn back to the Catholic Church. I have been attending mass alone and not receiving Communion. I am waiting and praying for my husbands heart to be open to the Catholic Faith and to us being married in the Church and baptising our two children there (and lately have seen the door opening ever so slightly through comments and questions here and there). I am having trouble however wrapping my mind around things like my brother and his now fiance that recently baptised their daughter in the church and receive communion. I have an aunt who has been "getting her marriage annulled" for 20 years now and in that twenty years has had another child with another man. She still recieves Communion...are they receiving in error or is there so strange double standard? It seems odd that I am married albiet outside of the church and cannot recieve while individuals in situations such as these continue to.


#2

Please speak to your Priest. If this is the 1st marriage for both you and your husband all you may need to do is go to confession and you can receive. If this is the 1st marriage for both of you, you may need to have it blessed. I may be wrong, but I think the term is convalidated. Unless your brother, fiance and aunt have gone to confession they are receiving in error. Only your Priest can give you the correct guidance.

Welcome home and I'll pray for you and your family.


#3

As long as you and your husband have never been married to anyone else, you can get your marriage convalidated. You would need to go to confession, too. Then you could receive communion again. Talk to your priest about how to do this. I have a friend that can't recieve because her husband was married before her. He won't even fill out the paper work to try to get a decree of nullity so that they can be married in the church. It hurts her so much. Hang in there and keep praying.

As for your brother and fiance, I don't know if they are receiving in error or not. They should have gone to confession, and then live in chastity according to their station in life, ie single people. Maybe they have done that. I will say that I am amazed at how many people don't know that it is a sin to be receiving when they are living together and not married. Pray for them. The same goes for your aunt. Pray for her. Keep focused on your own life and pray for them sharing with them the great things you are learning about confession and communion. Who knows, your sharing may prompt some research of their own and confession if they have not already gone. :shrug:


#4

I commend you on your piety and devotion to the Blessed Sacrament. Only a faithful person would avoid the chance of sacrilege like you. Your relatives are wrong, but is it possible they do this out of ignorance? There is much confusion in the world about our faith and not everyone has a cultivated respect for the True Presence!

You will be in my prayers as you attempt convalidation. I wish you the best of luck.


#5

If this is you and his "first marriage" the marriage would need to get convalidated --not difficult...go see the Priest and then you will be validly married in the Church and then be able to go to Confession and Receive Jesus in Holy Communion...his becoming Catholic can be either a near or future possibility but he does not need to become Catholic for you to get the Marriage sorted out etc.


#6

[quote="ChrissyB364, post:1, topic:286718"]
I was raised Catholic and fell away from the Church after my mothers death when I was 18. I am married outside of the Church to a former Baptist. After my husband and I started to search for a new "church home" my heart was drawn back to the Catholic Church. I have been attending mass alone and not receiving Communion. I am waiting and praying for my husbands heart to be open to the Catholic Faith and to us being married in the Church and baptising our two children there (and lately have seen the door opening ever so slightly through comments and questions here and there). I am having trouble however wrapping my mind around things like my brother and his now fiance that recently baptised their daughter in the church and receive communion. I have an aunt who has been "getting her marriage annulled" for 20 years now and in that twenty years has had another child with another man. She still recieves Communion...are they receiving in error or is there so strange double standard? It seems odd that I am married albiet outside of the church and cannot recieve while individuals in situations such as these continue to.

[/quote]

Welcome to CAF! And welcome back home to the Church!

You are doing the correct thing by NOT receiving the Eucharist. Your relatives MAY be committing serious sin by continuing to receive, but it is not your business to tell them that. Many people receive the Precious Body and Blood of Jesus in mortal sin, and think little of it. But you are correct in that we are not to receive if we are not in a state of grace. Here is what St. Paul says in 1st Corinthians 11:26-30:

26 Whenever you eat this bread, then, and drink this cup, you are proclaiming the Lord's death until he comes.

27 Therefore anyone who eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily is answerable for the body and blood of the Lord.

28 Everyone is to examine himself and only then eat of the bread or drink from the cup;

29 because a person who eats and drinks without recognising the body is eating and drinking his own condemnation.

30 That is why many of you are weak and ill and a good number have died.

If those passages don't put the fear of the Lord into you, then nothing will! :eek:

Go and talk to your priest, ASAP. It could be that coming back to the Church will not be as arduous as you think. Christ is waiting for you at the altar.

:crossrc:


#7

I appreciate everyone's advice. I hope that in learning more about my faith it will help my family to become better Catholics. It is a first marriage for both of us. When I told my husband that I wanted to return the the Catholic Church he said that was fine but he and the girls wouldn't be going. He has a lot of trouble with purgatory, prayer to saints and the pope and I think he may be one of the last people who holds the crusades against the Church. I've been trying to set a good example and going to mass and learning more about the Faith and he suggested Mass on Easter Sunday and asked about going just this Sunday (sadly I took the girls myself). I know my husband will dig in his heels when pushed so I'm just keeping quiet and continuing to pray about it. As I understand part of being married to a non-Catholic in the Church is that the partner agrees to raise the children Catholic and I think it will take quite some time before he would be on board with that. I have wanted to tell him so many times when he states his opinion on so many matters that he's already Catholic he just won't let himself be. His family is Southern Baptist and he doesn't want them to even know that he's been in a Catholic Church.


#8

[quote="ChrissyB364, post:7, topic:286718"]
As I understand part of being married to a non-Catholic in the Church is that the partner agrees to raise the children Catholic and I think it will take quite some time before he would be on board with that.

[/quote]

The non-Catholic makes no promises or agreements. The Catholic promises to do all they can to raise their children Catholic.

You need to talk to your priest about two options: simple convalidation (where you and your husband exchange vows in the Catholic form) and radical sanation (an option that might be available to you if your husband refuses to exchange vows again).


#9

I can help with the Crusades problem, but he's going to have to do a bit of reading. The Crusades were not a campaign to slaughter innocent people, but a RESPONSE to the invasion of Islam into Europe. Islam had progressed all the way up to Spain when it was finally eradicated. Sure, a lot of people were killed in the process. But then as now, Islam was not a peaceful religion. Islam was spread by conversion or killing, not peace. You have to look for objective history books (few and far between) that will explain the entire picture of the world at the time. If the Crusades had not happened, we'd probably all be Muslim.

As for the rest, your husband only needs to say that he will not impede you in raising the children as Catholics, but that is tricky because you married him without practicing your faith. It's a delicate path to walk once you've taken vows, and now you want to change the terms. Don't push too hard right away, and apply lots and lots of prayer. One of the main stumbling blocks for Protestants is their idea that the Bible is the only authority, when the Bible didn't even exist after Christ rose, and for a long time after that. But our Church did. Your husband will have a hard time with Peter's role in the Church too. It seems so plain to me what Christ intended. His words are just as clear as glass, but Protestants insist that is NOT what He meant at all!

:shrug:

Take it one step at a time and pray, pray, pray! A good book to start with is "Catholicism for Dummies." It's got the imprimateur so you know it's legit, but a lot of people aren't threatened by "Dummies" books.


#10

:confused: I am so glad that I found this. My husband is a cradle Catholic & I was baptized Methodist. We were married 2 years ago by a justice of the peace & we want to have our marriage blessed by the Church. I have been previously married 2 times & my ex-husbands have both been married twice before me. Do my husband & I need to have a convalidation ceremony? My mother said that I was never truely married because my ex-husbands were both previously married. Is this true?
Our deacon at the catholic church where we are going (I only have to be confirmed to become a full member of the church) said that he needs my previos marriage certificates & my ex-husbands' previous marriage certificates to know which direction we are going. What does any of this mean?
My husband & I want to have a real wedding with the dress, tux, flowers, something we never got to do. Would this be appropriate? Thanks for any help.


#11

I know my husband will dig in his heels when pushed so I’m just keeping quiet and continuing to pray about it

This is how my then BF was. Pray, pray, pray for him, and respond when he leads with questions. As you said, don’t pressure him, just set a good example, and pray as much as you can!


#12

[quote="buckle126, post:10, topic:286718"]
:confused: I am so glad that I found this. My husband is a cradle Catholic & I was baptized Methodist. We were married 2 years ago by a justice of the peace & we want to have our marriage blessed by the Church. I have been previously married 2 times & my ex-husbands have both been married twice before me. Do my husband & I need to have a convalidation ceremony? My mother said that I was never truely married because my ex-husbands were both previously married. Is this true?
Our deacon at the catholic church where we are going (I only have to be confirmed to become a full member of the church) said that he needs my previos marriage certificates & my ex-husbands' previous marriage certificates to know which direction we are going. What does any of this mean?
My husband & I want to have a real wedding with the dress, tux, flowers, something we never got to do. Would this be appropriate? Thanks for any help.

[/quote]

It means that the deacon will have to do quite a bit of sorting things out to guide you through the process. First your prior marriage(s) will have to be examined, each in turn. There are a number of factors that influence this including whether or not any of those marriages were in the Catholic Church.

Simply follow your deacon's guidance on the matter.


#13

Wow, those prayers were answered quickly....I guess I was standing in my own way on this one. Husband and I were discussing religion last night and I finally laid it all out there that I missed receiving Communion and would he consider having our marriage convalidated in the Church. He said "Of course, as long as some ninja priest isn't gonna drop down and baptize me or anything" (yea, yea he thinks he's funny) I cried myself to sleep with tears of joy. So what now? I know I need to contact the church but can anyone give me a little run down of how this will work?


#14

[quote="ChrissyB364, post:7, topic:286718"]
I appreciate everyone's advice. I hope that in learning more about my faith it will help my family to become better Catholics. It is a first marriage for both of us. When I told my husband that I wanted to return the the Catholic Church he said that was fine but he and the girls wouldn't be going. He has a lot of trouble with purgatory, prayer to saints and the pope and I think he may be one of the last people who holds the crusades against the Church. I've been trying to set a good example and going to mass and learning more about the Faith and he suggested Mass on Easter Sunday and asked about going just this Sunday (sadly I took the girls myself). I know my husband will dig in his heels when pushed so I'm just keeping quiet and continuing to pray about it. As I understand part of being married to a non-Catholic in the Church is that the partner agrees to raise the children Catholic and I think it will take quite some time before he would be on board with that. I have wanted to tell him so many times when he states his opinion on so many matters that he's already Catholic he just won't let himself be. His family is Southern Baptist and he doesn't want them to even know that he's been in a Catholic Church.

[/quote]

There are two books written by former protestant theologians that address the same questions your husband has. Scott Hahn "Rome Sweet Home" and Patrick Madrid "Surprised by Truth" (I think there are several versions of this one.

Also on this site, there is a Beginning apologetics book that also addresses those questions. Mine was yellow with a green border.

It will help to educate yourself about purgatory, and the saints...etc.

It sounds like you have a loving husband, and he does care about your soul. That is awesome.

As others said...go talk to your priest and lay it out for him. Your DH may be easily willing to do this for you (and in return the grace it provides for your marriage).


#15

[quote="mamaslo, post:14, topic:286718"]
There are two books written by former protestant theologians that address the same questions your husband has. Scott Hahn "Rome Sweet Home" and Patrick Madrid "Surprised by Truth" (I think there are several versions of this one.

Also on this site, there is a Beginning apologetics book that also addresses those questions. Mine was yellow with a green border.

It will help to educate yourself about purgatory, and the saints...etc.

It sounds like you have a loving husband, and he does care about your soul. That is awesome.

As others said...go talk to your priest and lay it out for him. Your DH may be easily willing to do this for you (and in return the grace it provides for your marriage).

[/quote]

See...he was easily willing after all.
I have heard that you may have to go to classes, to teach what the Catholic teaching on Marriage is. However, I think sometimes they don't do that. But you won't know how your parish does this until you go and talk to your priest.

Awesome for you two!! I didn't have the same experience. It was much more difficult...and still is.


#16

[quote="ChrissyB364, post:13, topic:286718"]
He said "Of course, as long as some ninja priest isn't gonna drop down and baptize me or anything" (yea, yea he thinks he's funny) I cried myself to sleep with tears of joy. So what now? I know I need to contact the church but can anyone give me a little run down of how this will work?

[/quote]

Contact the Priest at your local Parish. Then meet with him. He will take if from there...

(lets hope he is not an Oriental Priest..otherwise someone may get nervous...)


#17

Good for you Chrissy! Praise our Lord!

I would immediatly call or e-mail your local parish and ask to make an appointment to speak with the Priest about having your marriage convalidated. You can then go in and discuss the situation with him and your husband and make sure everything is clear.

As I understand it, the convalidation is a simple process that can occur in a small chapel or even in the Priest or Deacon’s office. Before the convalidation I believe you will recieve the Sacrament of Reconciliation with a Priest in private (only Priests of course can hear confession), and then you will exchange vows with the Priest or a Deacon as the witness.

The parish will make a sacramental record for your marriage, and will allow you to register as a parishioner if you wish, and that should be it. You can then be a fully practicing Catholic in the Parish.

Keep us updated, your family is in my prayers.

Also, a class about marriage, or to prep for marriage is a possibility, it just depends on the Priest and how the Parish does things, he can let you know. Either way, definitely contact him and set up an appointment to discuss asap. :slight_smile:


#18

[quote="ChrissyB364, post:13, topic:286718"]
Wow, those prayers were answered quickly....I guess I was standing in my own way on this one. Husband and I were discussing religion last night and I finally laid it all out there that I missed receiving Communion and would he consider having our marriage convalidated in the Church.** He said "Of course, as long as some ninja priest isn't gonna drop down and baptize me or anything" (yea, yea he thinks he's funny)** I cried myself to sleep with tears of joy. So what now? I know I need to contact the church but can anyone give me a little run down of how this will work?

[/quote]

:rotfl::rotfl:

He IS funny! LOL

Welcome Home!

:dancing::extrahappy::love:


#19

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.