My dh and I are seeing a marriage counselor. I don't like him, but my dh does. All we have done is fight more since seeing him. My cousin has her doctorate in Psychology and I told her my concerns about this counselor. I did not give details of what is being said, but how this counselor works. She told me he is a counselor that works with the here and now and not the past. I think she called it Cognitive Counseling. I don't think that will work for us. My dh was abused as a child and as a result as a lot of unresolved anger. I got more out of a CD from Catholic Brighthouse Media from a Dr. McDonald, I believe titled Anger and Forgiveness, than this counselor. In this CD, this psychiatrist who is also a Deacon in our Church, talks about an anger that comes from unresolve feelings from the past. He said something in the present triggers something that happened in the past and makes him angry on the love one who is closest to him, in my case me. This is what is happening in our marriage. According to this deacon, this kind of anger can only be helped with psychotherapy and prayer of deliverance from a priest. When I try to tell this counselor that all this "communication exercise" that he wants us to do is not going to work because when my dh gets angry forget it doesn't work, he is not listening. I have begged my dh for another counselor but he said I just want one that is in favor of me and this man is in favor of him and that is why I am unhappy. This counselor is in favor of him. I don't know why, but from day one, he has told me that I am criticizing my dh, when he asked me to tell him what the problems are with our marriage. When I told him that I can't communicate with my dh because at times he becomes irrational, the counselor's response was, "He is the irrational one, not you?" I was so upset. He has no idea what I have been through in my marriage. How dare he? He doesn't know the years of anger and verbal abuse I had to put up with. My dh is much better now and is not like that now, but still has issues with anger and issues of denial of this anger. A priest who we saw us picked up on that, so how can this counselor miss that?
I don't know what to do. We are suppose to see this man again this week, but I tell you, I am really to explode and tell this man that he has dismissed my feelings. He has not listened to me and how can he not think the past is important in the healing of the present? Am I crazy or thinking right?