So, I’m a freshman in college, there’s a girl I really like, and she likes me. We’re both pretty serious and sincere Catholics, and I’m thinking about trying to date her. A few questions have come up that I’d love an answer to, before I pursue her any more. In a young college relationship, what is the role of physical affection? We’re both pretty new to this dating thing, she’s never been in a relationship before, and I’ve only been in one for a pretty brief time a few years ago. When I was in my last relationship, it seemed like things like kissing and cuddling were for my own pleasure. Totally selfish. I would only want to kiss her to get the experience of a kiss. I know this is wrong, but I don’t know what is right! What is this place of say a kiss? How can it be a less selfish act? Because I definitely do not want to go down that same self-centered path. What do you all think? About kissing, or physical affection in general. One note, I’m not talking about sex – I would swear on a bible by saying that’s not an issue we would need to talk about – I’m talking about things of a much lesser magnitude! Thank you all!
First, please don’t swear on the Bible as it is the word of God. Your word should speak for itself until proven otherwise.
Second, it’s good to recognize that a relationship is not just about you and what you want, but I’d be careful here not to over-analyze the details. Let the relationship flow in a moral way. And it sounds like you are attracted to this woman and I don’t see how you’d be using her just for practice.
It has been said that married couples may indeed seek to desire one another physically, and even in a budding young romance there’s going to be times when you really want to cuddle or kiss.
I don’t see the problem with wanting appropriate contact with someone you are dating.
Try to make physical affection a sign of your affection and attachment to her. Yes, it will still be pleasurable, and the pleasure is not wrong or sinful, but try to focus more on showing affection than gaining pleasure and you’ll be on the right track.
I may be too conservative here, but I wouldn’t kiss a girlfriend until I knew her for several months, maybe even a year. Kissing a woman could cause a man’s thoughts to wander into impure thoughts. I also think it is easy to go from kissing to touching private areas and then sex, especially if the couple is alone. I think hugging, holding hands, and kissing on the cheek or forehead are all fine though.
Relationships usually start out as infatuation first. Later you come back down to Earth and see the person how they really are. It is only then when you know if the person is really someone you want to marry. So when you get past that “puppy love” phase and truly love the person, it would probably be okay to kiss on the lips. You love them so much you are not likely to hurt them with impure thoughts or sinful advances.