Questions.

Hi everyone, I new here. I came across this website looking for answers. I hope this is the right place to post.

I have several questions. Why does God not allow my wife and I to have children? We are 28 and 29 years old and married a little over 4 years and have been trying to concieve almost 3 years. We have gone through some infertility tests and some procedures, but still nothing. We were raised in good catholic homes and followed what we were taught growing up. We never had premarital sex, never lived with each other before marriage and when we had to stay overnight somewhere, we stayed in separate rooms. We were taught that the first time you have sex, you will get pregnant. We are still waiting and praying for that moment. There has been several times we thought it was going to happen, but never did. We are very frustrated and upset on this situation. Every month my wife crys becasue it didn’t happen. Why? What did we do? We don’t undertsand why people who have premartial sex, sex with multiple partners, not married, don’t want children and are too you can have children, while there are couples like my wife and I that would do anything to have children. Can someone please answer for me because I have no clue on why.

thanks

God is not punishing you because you’ve done something wrong. When we ask God for something He either says, Yes, Maybe, or I’ve got something better. God doesn’t say No. My cousins tried for a very long time to conceive and 10 years later they had a daughter. They almost used In- Vitro but felt that God did not want that for them. No one on this forum can tell you why God is not sending you children yet. The best thing you and your wife can do is pray and accept his will, whatever that may be.

Thank you for your reply. I know God will bless us with children, but when. I pray everyday that it will happen soon. Thanks again

Mike,

I feel your frustration and pain. My husband also lived our lives like you. We used NFP, we did not have premarital sex, we were open to children from the day we got married, we’ve been faithful to one another and go to church. Yet, we struggled with infertility for 7 years. We ended up doing a round of IVF which now I know goes against Catholic teaching. The infertility clinic wanted us to do other procedures which I just “knew” weren’t right. After much thought and prayer, crying and despair, my husband and I decided to adopt. We now have 3 children, 2 girls and a boy. My husband was always pro adopting. I was a little hesitant. However, once my beautiful, sweet baby girl was first laid in my arms, I never doubted again. Our family is multi racial and I don’t even see it anymore. It’s funny when we go out, it takes me a moment to figure out why people are smiling at us. I think this is what God had planned for us. I would still like to adopt more, but we’re in our 40s now and things are tight financially…but I’m not giving up hope. I sometimes felt that there was a hole in my heart while going through the infertility times. Now, the hole is filled with love. I will keep you and your wife in my prayers.

God Bless You
Giannawannabe

[quote=StratusRose]God is not punishing you because you’ve done something wrong. When we ask God for something He either says, Yes, Maybe, or I’ve got something better. The best thing you and your wife can do is pray and accept his will, whatever that may be.
[/quote]

Another thing you may consider is to not “try” to concieve. Just let it happen at God’s pace.

My husband and I tried to get pregnant for almost 2 years. As soon as I finally decided to take my husbands advice and turn it over to God, I was pregnant the very next month.

Relax and love each other.

God Bless

Hello and welcome to the board!

I too know what you are feeling it tok my husband and I almost four years to have our son with a miscarriage before. Don’t think that God is trying to punish you just know that God has a plan for all of us, keep trying and if it doesn’t happen maybe you could look at adobtion, there are a lot of children out there who need loving parents. Pray for guidence and remember that God knows where he wants you and how he wants you to be parents.

Good luck! :wink:

It is the same for you as the super-fertile couple who wants to know why God can’t give them a break – it is a matter of total trust in God - He has the plan, we can either fight it or surrender to it. Surrender to God’s will is the greatest thing that can happen to a couple, because you become completely open to all the immense gifts God has in store for you. They may come wrapped in strange looking packages, tho, I should warn you.

Please check other NFP threads for links on Na-Pro technology which is helping couples conceive at a better rate than IVF, couple to couple league should help you here.

BIL & wife tried for 5 years, when they went through a period of anxiety over his dad’s stroke and heart attack - boom, 9 months later. DD and hub just brought our grandson for a visit, she was told 8 years ago she was incapable of conceiving. It isn’t over until it’s over, pray for the virtue of trust in Divine Providence, and turn your prayers for children over to the Holy Spirit, and let Him pray for you, he knows what you need and want better than you do.

Na-Pro technology :nerd: check it out

take care

[quote=Mike2004] We were taught that the first time you have sex, you will get pregnant.
[/quote]

Mike, if that’s what you were taught it is incorrect. My wife and I had problems having another, after our second child. First two were 18 months apart, then seven years before the number three. We eventually had four, but it did take several years to have the third. It’s just life, it’s not a punishment, but I do know it can be very stressful. My prayers are with you. I know it’s difficult, but just relax, trust God. Some times it’s as easy as relaxing; stress may be the cause of not conceiving. Remember all the women in Scriptures who thought they would never have children? Sarah, Elizabeth, etc. And their children were indeed special.

You might want to pray to St. Gerard to intercede for you. He’s helped many childess couples. Trust in God…He knows what is best for everyone.

A friend of mine had several miscarriages, tested, waited, prayed and prayed. After 15 yrs. of marriage a daughter was born, then 5 yrs. of more prayers, etc. a son was finally born a few months ago. :dancing:

[quote=Mike2004]Thank you for your reply. I know God will bless us with children, but when. I pray everyday that it will happen soon. Thanks again
[/quote]

Hey Mike,
In my life I have seen this fertility system work incredubly well:
Begin the adoption process and I can all but guarentee that your beloved will become pregnant… :thumbsup:

You two were a great witness to premarital life. A Gospel witness sorely needed. It is ironic isn’t it that you would be radically respectfull to the conjugal act and it not bear the fruit of children for you. It has two purposes, one is to maintain unity and the other is procreation. I suspect you both are making a job of it ie " we’re trying" If this is so you may be dividing the act and have become a counterwitness to the Gospel preached by your premarital lives. If God has something He wants you to learn by this ( not meaning he is causing it) that would be something important to your lives as married Christioans… I don’t think God is putting you two to the test but I would suspect there are rewards in gleaning this field of opportunity.

Dear Mike,

I apologize for the length of this post, but please bear with me! I was very touched by your questions.

You might want to take a look at this website: popepaulvi.com/

The Pope Paul VI Institute was founded by Dr. Thomas Hilgers and has helped countless couples acheive pregnancy. He has done so much research and has a better success rate than IVF. Also, no morally wrong methods are used - only those well within the guidelines of what the Church teaches is acceptable. I am not surprised that you and your wife have had no luck within the medical community - most ob/gyns are taught to treat women as if they are all the same and all have a “normal” cycle and thus they do certain tests, like drawing blood to test hormone levels on a certain day of the cycle, instead of really looking at that individual woman and how her body works and then taking the tests on what would be the right day for her specifically.

The research that Dr. Hilgers has done has led to NaPro Technology (you’ve heard that mentioned by a couple of other posters on this thread). This technology looks at each woman as an individual case and using natural signs that she charts, is able to help doctors better understand what might be the trouble. They are then able to test for specific things at the “right” time for that individual woman. Then, instead of just trying to help you get pregnant and get you a baby (the mentality of much of the medical community), this technology helps “fix” whatever the problem is. For example, if a woman has a low progesterone problem, progesterone shots are given at a certain point in her cycle where it is needed. If a woman has endometriosis, a surgery is performed to remove it. These things help a couple acheive a pregnancy on their own, with a little help specifically geared towards what they need. Some fertility drugs might be employed, but usually something along the lines of Clomid, which has something like a 15% chance of twins and less than 10% chance of triplets - nothing that will cause super-multiples and really risk the lives of the babies or the mother.

Many people go to see Dr. Hilgers and have had great success. You also might be lucky enough to have a dr. trained in this technology in your area. The first step is learning the Creighton method of NFP. This means finding someone who teaches it in your area. You can start looking by going to this site: fertilitycare.org/

After just two months of charting, you can send your charts and a brief medical history to Dr. Hilgers. He will take a look at it and let you know what he thinks might be the problem. If you want, your wife can then start a series of blood tests which will be sent down to him (he is in Omaha, NE by the way). After that you can set up a time to go see him, when more tests will be done. He will diagnose you (really your wife of course) and will set you up on a treatment plan which you can do long distance.

I will finish this in a second post as this one is getting too long!

Nicole

continued from previous post…

I should mention that there are several causes of infertility and most are very treatable! Sometimes people say just relax and it will happen (out of sincerity and meaning well), but that is so difficult to do when you ache to hold a baby and aren’t able to. And if there is a medical underlying reason, it’s best to pursue having it treated, not ignore it. The majority of infertility is due to a problem in the woman’s reproductive system. This isn’t always the case though, and if nothing is found with your wife then you might have to be tested to. I would suggest if it comes to this that you go through the Pope Paul VI institute for that as you can be sure no morally illicit means of testing are used.

As for the heartache caused by not being able to conceive… it is so hard and only those of us who have gone through it will really ever understand. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for close to 6 years now (since we were married), although the first couple of years we thought it would just happen and didn’t start any testing of any kind until 4 years ago. At that time all the doctors we went to found no problem at all with me. That’s crazy, because when we found out about NaPro and began charting and testing we found several things were wrong with me! We had two previous miscarriages, but were still considered infertile because of the almost impossible time we had of conceiving. When we started this program we became pregnant and stayed pregnant for quite a while. Unfortunately we ended up losing this third baby too. In July we are going down to meet Dr. Hilgers and have some more testing done as apparently we haven’t uncovered all my problems yet. But, we have hope and are very optimistic. Infertility is a heartbreaking thing to go through and I want you to know my prayers are with you and your wife. I have found the example of St. Peter’s faith to be a real model - when Jesus asks if the disciples are going to leave like others have (in John 6 I think) and Peter says, “to whom would we go?” and of course the answer is there is noone else to go to. I admit I have felt angry with God and confused about why He is letting this happen to us, but in the end, you must make a conscious decision to carry the cross you’ve been given and to realize that you must follow Christ as there is noone else worthy of following - while He could change our situation, but doesn’t for some reason, still He is the source of our comfort too. I hope that makes sense! I have found my relationship with Christ growing, albeit in a way I never would’ve chosen, by all the suffering we have been through. As for people who don’t want babies and young kids getting pregnant, etc - it is very unfair and hard to see. I imagine, though, that bearing a child and raising him/her may be the way God leads these people to becoming better people and hopefully holy people as that is what He desires above all else for all of us.

There are several saints you can pray to - I would start with asking the intercession of the Old Testament saints like Sarah, Rachel, and Hannah who beggd God for children and were eventually blessed. Also, St. Elizabeth and of course Mary. Especially the Virgin of Guadalupe - this is the only image of Mary where she is seen pregnant. Also, pray to the angel Gabriel, who loves to bring news of new babies! Ask the Giver of Life to show you His mercy and compassion and lovingkindness and to grant you a new life for your family. The good news is that although you are tired of waiting, both you and your wife are young enough to have several children!! You just have to get past this roadblock of finding out what is wrong.

I have been involved in the Creighton method for a couple of years now and am seriously considering becoming an instructor or practitioner (the person that teaches the charting method to couples). If you or your wife have any questions, please feel free to contact me via email or pm and I will be happy to help you however I can.

God bless you!
Nicole

A BIG thanks to everyone all your input has helped.

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