Questsion about dating and scandal

so I was recently reading another thread and it seemed that the prevailing opinion is that dating one person exclusively for a long time wasn’t really ook for a catholic to do. it was either, date many people casually at the same time (which I don’t necessarily think is a good idea personally) or limit yourself to a time frame (ex. we must be married in a year)

what are youru thought on this? I agree, that just dating for the sake of dating for fun is kind of a waste of time or if it’s the cool thing to do. and I know people who are in long-term relationships but who don’t want to get married which is also kind of defeating the purpose

but is it actually bad if you wait to finish college for instance? or wait to find a job, or just want ot get to know the person better? these other opinions seemed to be saying that you shouldn’t date in high school for example if you were going to go to college and not plan to marry right away, or if you were halfway through med school or something, then you shouldn’t have a stady bf/gf for more than 2 years.

I understand the temptation of being chaste but it’s not like chastity just disappears when you get married. another view was that it was like a trial marriage and that the breakup is the same thing as a divorce. for me personally, not before 16 or 17 I think is a good rule. or maybe even later. is that reasonable?

also, can you give me some examples of things that cause scandal? I’m still a little confused about the whole thing. I see how cohabitation can cause scandal. but in my experience, people have called me all kinds of names for even just having conversations with guys even though nothing has happened and we are just hanging out in public. could you then argue that seeing a girl talking to many guys is making someone else feel like it’s ok to engage in inappropriate behaviour? you have male friends and everyone thinks you’re sleeping around secretly or that you’re a slut and all that. you knonw, in a world where one night stands and random hookups are all the rage, you can’t even do anything anymore without people talking and gossiping.

could someone use a different example to illustrate? when is it actually scandal and when is it just people being stupid?

Keep in mind that is exactly what it is: opinion.

The Catholic Church has no such teaching.

This is a prudential matter. You are free to agree or disagree with these opinions.

I’m not sure what ‘people’ you refer to or why they would do so.

No. You could not argue that this is scandal. That is not what scandal is.

Perhaps you are imagining things. I doubt people think this about you. But, whether they think it about you or anyone else, having male friends is not scandal.

Which, again, is not scandal.

Big brother takes little brother to the store and shows him how to steal candy from the register area without the owner noticing. Little brother thinks big brother is cool and follows his example lifting a candy bar for himself. Big brother commits sin of theft AND scandal.

Store owner is a friend of the family and tells Big Brother to take a candy bar “on the house” since it’s his birthday. Customer sees boy take candy without paying. Customer assumes boy is stealing. Not scandal.

does scandal always come with a sin of some kind?

2 people cohabitating, there’s a chance they’re not actually being intimate. well I mean if they’re a couple.

as for above things, people have actually said mean things about me having male friends, I’m not just being sensitive. not this time

2 people cohabitating, there’s a chance they’re not actually being intimate.


Mathematically, it’s possible, but I’d say improbable.

well I mean if they’re a couple.

I know of some adult relatives who live together, but obviously the same temptations are not there as if someone were romantically involved.

as for above things, people have actually said mean things about me having male friends, I’m not just being sensitive. not this time

Well, then, you need to ignore them because the Catholic Church encourages friendships. :yup:

Those who suggest you shouldn’t have male friends, I actually find that a little scary in some sense.

Having friends of the opposite sex is fine, but like with all friends, you’ll have to decide for yourself (and if necessary talk to a spiritual director) which ones are good for you and which ones tend to lead you into sin. :yup:

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