Quick Question


So my fiance and I live together, we have our own apt and been living together for 2 yrs, but right now hes in the Military hes in Germany, I wanted to ask, can i take the communion? I know that while living together its living under sin, but he is not here, does that still count?


Have you confessed cohabitation (and any sins against chastity…not accusing here, I just know that they usually go hand in hand and close quarters makes them very easy to commit, from personal experience!)? Do you intend to stop cohabiting (or get married) when he returns from Germany?

Talk to your priest. These are the steps one should take when they are aware of mortal sin–confess the sin and firmly intend not to commit it again in the future. Anyone conscious of mortal sin, as you seem to be, should refrain from receiving the Eucharist. But like I said…talk to your priest.


Well last time i confessed was before i moved in with him 2 yrs ago i know bad, i go to church at least once a month but dont do confession, i havent done anything wrong in those 2 yrs, and yes we plan on getting married when he comes back from Germany but thats in 2 yrs.


fornication is a serious sin and must be confessed and absolved before receiving communion. absolution demands you are contrite-- imperfect contrition will do-- meaning that you are sorry and intend to ammend your ways because of fear of punishment or because of the ugliness of sin. (perfect contrition means you ammend because you love God.)

if, when your fiance comes home, you have every intention of continuing premarital sex, then your contrition will not even be imperfect-- it will be nonexistent.

so if you go to confession without contrition and then if you receive communion, you will have added another sin onto already serious sin-- perhaps the sin of presumption.

why not, instead, use this time apart to reacquaint yourself with church teaching on sexuality. pray for conversion of heart. keep confessing. if you truly desire conversion of heart, go to Communion. receive Jesus in Eucharist. many Communions and many confessions will give you many graces to ammend your life.


hey gris84. u gotta go to mass every week. and just pop into confession tell the priest you sins, then you can go up and receive our lord. no problem.


It seems like you’re having some cognitive dissonance here. In both posts you seem to be conscious of a sin–the sin of living with your boyfriend outside of marriage, and also that you haven’t gone to confession in two years. But you also say that you “haven’t done anything wrong in those 2 years”. :confused:

I suggest a solid examination of conscience, followed by confession. I know confession can be hard–I have had to force myself to go–but you will feel better afterwards, and as monicatholic said, you NEED the graces from both sacraments (Confession and Eucharist) to help you change your life and be the person God calls you to be.


Reason i dont go to mass every week is because i work and have school im trying to get my masters done and i know thats not a excuse, but then i live with him i know thats bad i know thats a sin i know that im not confused about that, i know people that sin and are worst than me and they go and take communion, so what does that make me a bad really bad person because i made the choice of living together with my fiance, we have every intention of getting married. and i dont think i have to go to mass every week, i know people that go to mass every week and as soon as they get out of mass there on to their bad ways.


from your posts, it’s difficult to see that you’re working on your masters degree. are you, perhaps, a long way away from completion?

there is no apparent contrition in this, only justification of sin and deflection of blame: * i know people that sin and are worst than me and they go and take communion, so what does that make me a bad really bad person because i made the choice of living together with my fiance, we have every intention of getting married. and i dont think i have to go to mass every week, i know people that go to mass every week and as soon as they get out of mass there on to their bad ways. *

when you intend to ammend your life, go to confession. till then, you’re living in sin (or have lived and intend to continue doing so) which means you are not properly disposed to receive Communion.


Based on this post alone, you need to go to confession and until you do so, you can not receive communion.


I think you need to speak with a priest and get his advice on what to do. You shouldn’t be living together before marriage and you definitely should not receive Communion until you go to Confession.


I disagree with the church making a sin out of cohabitation. It’s presumptuous for people to believe that living with a person of the opposite gender outside of marriage definitively equals that they are having pre-marital sex. There can be numerous extenuating circumstances that give these two adults good reason to live together before marriage. If people wish to make a scandal out of it with gossip, then it is THEY who are committing the sin. I see no reason at all why you can’t follow the normal means to receiving the communion.


Gris84, what other people do has nothing to do with *YOUR *relationship with God. Just because they sin does NOT give you the right to sin.

and i dont think i have to go to mass every week, i know people that go to mass every week and as soon as they get out of mass there on to their bad ways.

Same thing here. Don’t pay attention to what other people are doing. Pay attention to what YOU are doing, or in this case NOT DOING -like not going to Mass every Sunday, which is considered a grave sin. I highly reccommend that you have a talk with a Priest. He will help you understand these things.


no one can answer this question for you, personally, except your priest in confession during which you have been entirely honest about your past and present situation. You already know the teaching or you would not ask. And the replies here will be accurate as to that teaching. If you want advice from old married people who have been through this: The health of your future marriage is in jeopardy if you continue this irregular manner of living when your fiance returns home, so resolve to use this separation to learn how to love while apart.


Because she hasn’t been attending Mass every Sunday -that’s a grave sin. Because she hasn’t gone to confession in 2 years -that’s a grave sin. Because when she DOES go to Mass once a month, she receives Communion without having gone to Confession for the above sins, -that’s another grave sin. Now the only possible way that she hasn’t committed grave sin is ***‘IF’ ***she wasn’t in full knowledge that these were ‘grave’ sins. -See Catechism #1857.

I suspect dear PrayerShark, that you too have not read the Catechism. Try it, -you’ll likely find it interesting, -to say the least. Blessings, Joseph


I disagree with your statement but also must ask, what is an Anglo Catholic?

More specifically, an Anglo Catholic is a Protestant, correct?


My good friend Joe. Your statement confuses me. The degree of her sins does not preclude her from pursuing the normal means of receiving communion. I don’t see her having to perform any extraordinary penance for not attending Mass in 2 years. Her wanting to receive communion is acknowledging her sins. I don’t understand where you take conflict with this.

However, if you are alluding to her living with her fiance as living in sin, then you are pursuing the disappointing and typical line of thought that I mention in my previous post.


The OP seems to recognize that her living arrangement is sinful.
Moving on from that, she asks if “all is forgiven” since her fiancee is overseas.
The logical response from Catholic Teaching is that she needs to see a priest.
To continue living in her current arrangement is, by her own admission, sinful.
IOW, the fiancee returns from Europe, the sin is again in action.


Cat, I would most enjoy hearing you elaborate on why you disagree…

As to your question regarding my faith; Catholic on my father’s side and Anglican on my mother’s. I find the Anglican Church to be somewhere in between Protestant and Catholic. I hope you do not believe this invalidates my thoughts.


I’ve never used the name Cat. It seems to be a misnomer to me.

As for your religious faith, your answer is that you’re Protestant?
That explains why you wish to advise from a point of view that is not Catholic.
The original poster is Catholic, asking for Catholic perspective.

I am confident in the teachings of the Catholic Church. It’s that simple for me.
Your thoughts are not atypical for a Protestant, IMO, but not relavant to the OP.


I feel taking this tact, would be for us, the readers, to jump to conclusions. There is a good chance that the OP is worried about the perception of her Church refuting her wishes to return to the sacrament, rather than her belief that she is living in sin. Like I said originally, there may be extenuating circumstances for her current living arrangements. It is not so simple to suggest that she starts living on her own. What if she cannot afford it? What if her family live in another state? What if she can’t find somewhere else to rent? The list goes on. I think it is better to encourage her return to regular Mass rather than fuel her guilt. She will no doubt confer with her priest about this.

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