Has anyone here had a radical sanation granted for their marriage and then had that marriage annulled? I’m considering an annullment only 9 months after my marriage became valid. How hard is it to get an annulment granted when one does a radical sanation?
I truly made a mistake by petitioning for validity and now my marriage is worse than hell on earth.
I’m afraid to go to him right now. I’m afraid he’ll say “I told you so”. He had already told me to leave him or start saving money for when and if the time came, but DH beat me to it. I never thought things would be getting this bad.
Oh, Yessi, honey, you’ve been through so much the last year or so. I’m so sorry. I wish I could say something that would help, but all I can do is pray for you. :crossrc: Know that this marriage was not for nothing, you now have your very own saint in heaven who is praying for you constantly. Stay close to Jesus and Mary, they will get you through this. God loves you very much, and He will help you through it.
If your priest blessed your marriage, but still had serious concerns or doubts that it would not work out, then it very well might not have been anything more that “presumed valid” in the eyes of God. No priest can make something valid that really just is not valid, when serious doubts or conditions would otherwise make it invalid. Yes, you still were blessed with presumed validity, so nothing you did during that time was sinful, but, at the same time however, it appears that it may very well have actually been invalid all along. Does that make any sense?
For a radical sanation to take place, several conditions must apply. First and most basically, “A radical sanation is not to be granted unless it is probable that the parties intend to persevere in conjugal life” (CIC 1161:3). If there is evidence the one or both of the parties intends anything less than a permanent marriage, radical sanation is ruled out. From catholic.com/thisrock/1995/9504qq.asp
The Bishop himself granted the radical sanation 9 months ago, only to have Dh hit me the first time the month after it was granted. The tribunal never spoke to him, they only took my word for what I thought was a great marriage since we had had a great 13 months. Since they thought it would work, the Bishop granted the validity of my marriage.
The problem I have is how to annull a marriage when it was “sanated” by the Bishop himself. Well, that is when and if everything comes to an end.
He hasn’t called or anything, not even to apologize, the last 2 times he was begging forgiveness, and he looked like his apology came from the heart. I had left the house and after he committed to go to Retrouvaille and told me how ashamed he was of himself, etc, I came back… this time around he only text me on my cell asking me to rest, to feed the dog and to not miss school since I’m almost done.
I wrote a letter to him and sent it by email, the way Retrouvaille taught us to. Teakafrog knows what I’m talking about.
That’s what I’m afraid of. Even his sister told me that. She’s all for me leaving him since she cannot believe her little brother could have been capable of ever hurting his wife. She said they are on my side on this, so at least now his family knows in case I have to tell the police. My Retrovaille group knows, my priest knows, my family knows, now his does too. I’m not about to keep my mouth quiet on this. Even though this time I’m not telling my parents (they’re in Chile) or grandparents. I only told my aunt and my sister.
He’s also done a little emotional battery on you. Anyone who would tell his wife after less than a month that she shouldn’t be grieving about a miscarriage anymore… :mad: Well, let’s just say he doesn’t get to tell YOU how to FEEL!
By the way, stuff like this in families doesn’t stay secret for long. Don’t be surprised if once things like this break open, you start finding out people’s REAL opinions about him.
It might be because of the pregnancy and because you are wanting a baby that he is showing this side. One of the most dangerous times for a woman who is in an abusive relationship is when she is pregnant. For some reason, a baby is very threatening to someone who wants all of the attention, all of the control.
As for the radical sanation…that brought grace into what was supposed to be a marriage. I think it brought the truth of what was always there to the surface, where it could not be ignored. With my ex, problems that he had always had with being cruel and selfish immediately intensified and became unignorable within a week of him being baptized. Honestly, I think of God hardening Pharaoh’s heart so his people would leave to find the promised land.
God wants something better for you, Yessian. I am sorry that you are going through this, but I am happy that it is happening for you now, at this point in your life. That grace that is there to help a real marriage is still there to help you get out of this one. This is what my priest told me.
I really do recommend that you call a domestic violence center. They will have a lot of good advice for you and a lot of free or low cost services including legal help and counseling.
Right now I don’t know what I’m going to do, if I’m going to talk to him or just go ahead and speak to my priest on how to proceed. But about Dh and maybe getting jealous of a baby… I don’t think so. He was extremely happy when we found out I was pregnant back in October, and was completely heart broken when the miscarriage happened last month. He cried and cried with me the first few days.
I think all the economical problems we’ve been having is what actually brought this side out to the open. 2 months after we bought the house was the first time it happened. And now that I don’t have a job and I complained he was going to Taco Bell when we only have $600 left and have to pay so many things (including the mortgage), he went nuts and did this to me. When we lived in the apt and paid $2000 less a month to have a roof over our heads, everything was fine. Maybe getting the house brought the real him to the surface?
We bought the house in March, the wk we moved in he had an accident that caused him to have surgery, be hospitalized for a wk and was out of work on disability for 3.5 months. I was the only one working and money was tight. In May he hit me the first time. This time around, I don’t have a job, we have no money… I’m pretty sure it’s all due to the finances, but that doesn’t give him an excuse to do what he did to me.
Even though I don’t have any bruises from this, it was worse than the last 2 times. I’m pretty sure now he’s even more angry because I let his sisters know he had done this. I just don’t know how he’s taking all of this and wonder how he’s going to react. I’m considering changing the locks…
It’s all about control. When he loses his illusion of control, he reacts violently. There is no excuse. There are men who lose jobs and have financial problems who DON’T hit their wives. And if he is the kind who hits his wife, Dulcissima is right… the pregnancy and birth is a time when that side emerges in full force. It doesn’t mean they aren’t happy about a pregnancy. But when the full implications of a baby emerge, they don’t handle it well. The baby becomes competition for attention.
Please call SafePlace. Or check it out on the internet. They have a lot of good information. Most batterers start up within the first two years of a marriage, if they didn’t start before. The Jekyll/Hyde personality… everyone OUT THERE thinks he’s wonderful and YOU get the horrible stuff.
It’s a confusing time. You need to make decisions based on facts. Please read about this behavior. It doesn’t matter what you said or how mad you got about Taco Bell. He doesn’t get to take his frustration and rage out on you.