Raising children is BOTH a Woman and a Man's job!

I was recently looking through a certain message board and the subject of abortion came up. The back and forth went on and on until the sub-subject of a man’s responsibility if a woman decided to have a child after a one-night stand. One ale poster said basically,“Child-rearing is a woman’s job. Why should a guy be forced to pay for a child she decided to have when he did not want it in the first place?”

Another male poster (who was pro-life, BTW) said that if she decided to have the child, she could then “hold money over the guy over the next 18 years.”

I’m not a feminist----but I feel it is not a “burden” to pay for child support—it is a moral obligation after BOTH sides were irresponsible in their actions. I was ticked off at these people. :mad::mad:

I fell it is this “it’s your fault, honey----I’ out of here” sort of attitude that contributes to the stereotype of en not stepping up and taking responsibility for something like this—and also contributes for men being left out of the “discussion” as to a possible abortion.

Men and women BOTH should be parents in raising a child----children need BOTH parents----don’t you agree? Women need to stop having abortions and men need to step up and take responsibility for thei children and their obligations!!!:thumbsup:
Anybody agree with this?:slight_smile:

some women are forced into having an abortion, plus people need to be educated in why so many people are against abortions to, doctors etc fed lies to the people involve and as they don’t know any better believe what is being told to them, i read recently that if abortion was stop today it would take decades for the catholic church to sort the mess out that was created.

I’m in a position where my daughter father walked out on us five days after she was born, was the third best day of my life, i wouldn’t like my daughter to grow up with someone who cares more about themselves then a child, personally its better for a child to have a least one parent that cares about them then to have two that don’t care at all, which is what i put up with when i was a child

Well of course both people are responsible for the raising of a child they bring into the world
, but life is not so clear cut as we might like, either parent may refuse to take responsibility
… For whatever reason which may or may not make sense to a rational thinking person,
But what can be done if one person takes responsibility and the other refuses ,
Maybe the one which takes responsibility would be better off without the other,
Because that other, may never present the respect which is required in a healthy relationship

OrdinaryMelkite, I am entirely with you: that attitude (to my mind) is pretty much unacceptable (I do consider myself a feminist, albeit within reason…).

I particularly don’t quite understand the attitude of the 2nd poster (“hold money over the guy for the next 18 years”): I don’t know how consistent is to be pro-life on the one hand and then imply one could be wayward about parental (at the VERY least financial) responsibilities if a child arose because of sinful and at best morally-ambiguous fumbling around.

I know (I meet many because of my job) some absolutely fantastic single mothers (and indeed fathers), but absolutely the very best environment to raise a child is to have both parents there. Many further (I suspect, this is just my intuition speaking here), do ultimately decide to have an abortion, not because they callously want to disregard the new life inside them but because the father utterly abrogates his responsibilities and they feel they simply cannot cope on their own.

It’s particularly galling, that men STILL can feel in a position to blame the woman if a child is conceived. If two people are going to engage in a one-night stand (of course plenty of us would tentitively suggest they shouldn’t, but the best of us can fall down sometimes), the very least they can do is be aware of the consequences (even if they use contraception) and be prepared to face up to the potential responsibilities. Both men and women have obligations with regard to raising a child; ideally both can be there as parents but the real world, of course, is much messier than that - but that’s no excuse for the ‘cut and run’ attitude which I find is still too too prevelent.

God bless,

Ellie

I completely aree with this. Very well said. It’s also a legal responsibility to pay child support for a child one night stand or otherwise.

Mary.

:thumbsup: Some great well thought out posts on this thread. Very refreshing!!

I think your reaction of disbelief and being “ticked off” is entirely appropriate in this situation. If it was a one-night stand, I’m pretty sure the woman wasn’t planning on having a child either.

I do think that the bad forms of feminism unwittingly feed this sort of attitude. Such emphasis is placed on “my body, my choice” that guys feel that there is therefore nothing wrong with them stepping out if it was not their choice.

Of course it is a job for both the mother and the father.

But . . . . . maybe what they were trying to get to was this.

Once a woman is pregnant, it is totally up to her what to do next. If she wants to be a mother, she can have the baby. If she doesn’t she can have an abortion. And this is totally and fully up to her. He has no say. It doesn’t matter if the couple was a one night stand, if they were dating. It doesn’t matter if they were married.

If she wants an abortion, she can walk into any clinic and have it done. She doesn’t need him to sign off, she doesn’t have to tell him that she is even pregnant.

If the woman wants to give the baby up, and the father doesn’t, all she has to do is to hightail it to Utah. IF you find the baby, it might take years to get the child back. And it may not ever happen. Because first you have to find a friendly judge that won’t blame the father for everything.

And lastly, if the woman wants to keep the baby. The man is then obligated to pay for the next 18 years. And if he wants to see the baby, he might have to fight tooth and nail, every step of the way.

So yes, it *should *take two. But all of it is at the whim of the woman. I am sure that bothers a lot of men. And I don’t really blame them.

Well, of course raising a child is a man’s and a woman’s job; sex should occur only between a man and a woman who are married to each other, and any resulting children should be raised in a Godly, loving home.

The sort of transaction you’re talking about–“You’re the father. Now give me money” is lousy. A father is not just a money source. Yes, it’s quite true that if you have sex you need to take responsibility for your kid, but that responsibility shouldn’t be just funneling money to the mother.

I’m a feminist and I agree 100%.

:thumbsup:

I would guess that most people here would agree with you. Not many people here believe abortion is a good solution and that it is okay for men to just walk away. You are right to be upset but in my opinion this problem does not have an easy fix and needs much work.

I believe the problem in our culture is deep, and will need much prayer and effort to reverse what is going on. Contraceptives and abortion, meant to “free” women sexually, in fact made them victims of a culture that sees sex as common recreation. Sex is just something that people “do”, no big deal.

Since 1960 when “the pill” became available in the United States. Children born to single mothers has increased.

1960 - 5% of children born to single parents
1880 - 18% of children born to single parents
2011 - 40% of children born to single parents

Children born to single parents have a significant risk that they will live in poverty. Also the odds that they too, will have a child out of wedlock increases. This is not a trend that will turn around quickly. Sex has been over-sold as recreation, and the more sex people have, the more abortions there are and the more babies born.

I believe all of this contributes to men, young and older alike having a casual attitude about their responsibilities. They don’t want to pay child support or be responsible, they just want to get in and out of bed. Our society has created this mess and cannot fault all of the young people out there for what is happening. Just my two cents. God bless.

A man should choose to have sexual relations in the context of a marriage where there are mutally agreeable terms on how a child will be raised. If he engages in a sexual relationship with a woman he does not know and gets her pregnant then of course the above apply. That’s the risk he takes and he should be held fully responsible for 18 years of child support. Anyone who has a son should explain this to him and anyone with a daughter could also find her pregnant with the man hightailing it somehwere out of the picture never to be found, or refusing to pay child support, or unable to pay child support and on her own. Parents should tell their children the consequences of their behaviors before such things happen.

Mary.

No kidding. That would be the ideal.

But since 40% of children born today are born to single mothers, that is obviously not the case.

And I have a son. I have explain this in glorious detail to him.

I might hope some single mothers direct their children to choose a path that would including sex in the context of marriage, and having a child when both married parents are able to be competent parents.

Mary.

I hope that goes for single fathers to, as i was corrected by a priest that this applies to them as well.

And this is why premarital sex is foolish. Yes, both the man and the woman need to accept responsibility when they create a child.

:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

I think the poster was implying that a lot of the women in that situation are trying to deliberately “trap” the man; that is what was ticking me off.

It does happen, but it does not mean it is in the overwhelming majority of cases. The poster was generalizing to the Nth degree. It is actually disrespectful and insulting to the woan and totally unfairly exculpatory of the an to say—particularly without evidence. It also gives the guy yet another reason to “walk away”-------“you trapped me—I am not paying for deceit.” Wrong, wrong, wrong.

That is all I am saying.

True—you have a point.

Although one should not let the actions of a SOE woen ruin the iage of the MAJORITY of women.

That is true too.

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