Rant time, more sadness, etc


#1

Basically, in a nutshell, I kinda want to curl-up into a ball and die right now and I’ve felt this way since yesterday.

First-off I was doing well refraining from a seriously bad habit of mine and relapsed last night after four months of controlling the habit. I feel I now wasted all that effort and I’m actually scared that I might not be able to get back up again. Secondly (and I know this is stupid and I really don’t need to be reminded of it again) is that that one friend I like is now in a relationship and it has left me completely depressed. I’m sorta glad for her since she found a devout Catholic man to date who is a friend of mine, but also because I remember having prayed awhile ago that she would find a good Catholic guy so I’m glad my prayer was heard.

Needless to say I feel miserable and I frankly feel, again, like curling-up and dying. I feel terrible for indulging my habit and I just get that feeling of disgust and isolation because of it…and I’m afraid I might not be able to refrain again and will fall back into my old weekly routine. But I’m also sad because of this girl even though I should be happy for her. I plan on going to Confession today but I’m still scared of everything, particularly because it hit me VERY HARD last night as to how evil my habit is and how serious this while issue is…I’m very scared because of it and wondering if my previous Confession was even valid. But I’m also scared because I don’t know exactly what I need to do to stop, where to go, how much to do, and it’s left me cowering.

I need prayers and advice. I really do feel like just dying right now (and no, that doesn’t mean commit suicide…I’m not like that).


#2

First of all, God knows we will always fall for the rest of our lives. That is why he gave us the sacrament of confession with unlimited use. He is there to help you and all He will see is you going to confession to get better.

It is very normal to be hurt when a girl you like finds a different guy to be her boyfriend. As much as a perfect Catholic would be happy for her, you don’t have to worry about being perfect. You simply need to act decently and ask God to change your heart. If it is too painful for you, you have every right to distance yourself from her. You don’t need it under your nose all the time. Especially since some girls once they get a boyfriend carry on and on in an annoying manner always talking about him

Keep the chin up, you are on th rigth track

CM


#3

[quote="cmscms, post:2, topic:196874"]
First of all, God knows we will always fall for the rest of our lives. That is why he gave us the sacrament of confession with unlimited use. He is there to help you and all He will see is you going to confession to get better.

It is very normal to be hurt when a girl you like finds a different guy to be her boyfriend. As much as a perfect Catholic would be happy for her, you don't have to worry about being perfect. You simply need to act decently and ask God to change your heart. If it is too painful for you, you have every right to distance yourself from her. You don't need it under your nose all the time. Especially since some girls once they get a boyfriend carry on and on in an annoying manner always talking about him

[/quote]

I guess one issue here is that we're in the same church choir and attend the same services, so this isn't really an option.

Keep the chin up, you are on th rigth track

I know but I'm still very worried right now. This is a gravely serious issue for me and I can't really afford to fall.


#4

Chin up, LotusCars. The cross is very heavy. Remember this, even Jesus fell under its weight, and he is God. When you go to confession today be very grateful that we have a God who understands how difficult it is, and allow yourself to receive his mercy and forgiveness, because that is what God wants for you.


#5

Go to your parish and inquire about access or information to christian couselers.

Then go to www.queenship.org and acquire and follow the prayer in the small booklet IN THE END MY IMMACUALTE HEART WILL TRIUMPH


#6

here’s my habit. and iam not proud of it by any means believe me. i don’t drink, i don’t use drugs. i smoke. yes that is a drug. i hate the fact that i smoke, i hate it with a passion. iam severely addicted to it. as a matter of fact, i never realized just how badly i was addicted to it until read a powerful lecture from Father Corapi. why have i not kicked the habit? in all honesty, i don’t want to. i smoke because i use it as a crutch when i get stressed out. i also like to smoke after i eat dinner or have a coffee. i berate myself everyday for the smoking. so merry, why don’t you go on the patch? last time i went on the patch it adversely effected my heart so i wont go near it. so why don’t you use a prescribed med to stop? because the meds they use effect my heart. oddly enough, smoking does not cause my heart to go tachycardia like meds do so i shy away from those. no matter what your habit is, you have to trust in Jesus. you have to, i beg Jesus to help me kill my habit once and for all. as soon as i get ready, a stressful events occurs and i give in and smoke. if we were all perfect, then we’d never sin or relapse into a bad habit would we? obviously not.

i quit for 10 years once. then i met a guy and he smoked and i just picked it up and have not been able to stop since and that is 13 years now, and the guy is long gone john.
the thing you have to realize about addictive behavior is the source of it. once you can admit to yourself you have a problem then you need to deal with it and find yourself a support group asap. identifying the source is the most important issue then you find out how to deal with it and you avoid the source of the addictive behavior at all costs.

i know why i smoke. i know why i wont quit. because iam selfish and use it as crutch.
but i will quit when i find the right group for me. iam diligently looking. please pray for me because iam a stubborn old bird and desperately want rid myself of this filthy habit. as for the op, i will pray for you, stop getting mad at yourself, and know that there are people out there going through similar things even if it is not the same as yours. remember Jesus died for ALL of us, even you. He loves you, and don’t forget that :slight_smile:


#7

I have smoked on and off for 40 years. The last time 3 years ago Lent, I sat on my porch with a cigarette in my hand and prayed to the Lord while I was smoking asking him to tell me how to give them up. I sat still and listened, I received the advice, it worked and I have not smoked since. It took me 5 days to quit a 2-3 pack a day habit. I can count on one hand the number of times I thought of restarting.

With God you can acomplish anything. You with His help can do this.

Yes, we all fall, like anyone with any addiction, we take it one day at a time and pray. It is not the end of the world to fall. We can with God's help get up again and start anew.

My best to you and I know if I can do this you can too, Don't forget to pray, the rosary really helps too.:thumbsup:


#8

Amen! :gopray:

Lotus, I also am going through a lot right now and understand your pain completely. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers today. God bless you with His love and peace. He really REALLY DOES love YOU!!! :slight_smile: Even though you can’t feel it right now.

Also, please seek counseling from a priest right now during this difficult time. Maybe a professional counselor or a trip to the doctor for some mental health medications might be in store too since you are having thoughts of wanting to die. I am in counseling and taking medications myself. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. They really do help take the edge off.


#9

Lotus, remember Jesus said, "Be not afraid."

We can come back to him like a repentant child and he takes us in his arms, and fills us with his grace.

Don't allow satan to discourage you!


#10

The 4 weeks are not wasted. Consider it a bench mark. Now it's time to see how much longer than 4 weeks you can go.

I don't know if this will help you or not, but I heard an old broadcast by Father Corapi on the radio the other day He said that he deals with every temptation the same way -- most temptations are over in about 20 minutes, so he simply pulls a Rosary out of his pocket and uses that time to pray the Rosary. So, maybe if you keep a Rosary with you at all times, even when you go to bed, you'll have more success in the future.


#11

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