Since there have been a number of posts here recently (as well as before) about virgins dating non-virgins, I wondered what, if anything, would be a complete deal-breaker in this aspect. The standard answer given out by many here seems to me, that if the person is truly repentant and has confessed and received absolution, then the past should be treated as if it was completely erased. Also, the idea that past sexual sin has temporal consequences often seems to be ignored by those who say “confession wiped his (or her) soul clean and now it’s pure as the driven snow!”. (Even though it seems people around here don’t accept the “secondary virginity” notion sometimes hawked in evangelical circles).
Okay, but would you advise a friend or family member to date someone who has a child out there who he only pays child support for and otherwise ignores, or who was responsible for an abortion? Or someone who’s not even sure how many children he has? What if he’d had homosexual encounters? How about a man who has in the past committed date rape, perhaps while intoxicated, or as part of a “gang-bang” under pressure from other men? And while I get the feeling that no one here would ever advise dating a man who has engaged in pedophilia, what if he was a 17 year old who had sex with a 13 year old who he was dating? That can get a teenage boy arrested if the parents of the girl want it, and even onto a registered sex offender list.
It seems that in order to be consistent with some concepts I’ve seen espoused here, even grievous, criminal sexual sin has to be forgiven and forgotten if the sinner has truly repented. Yet I must admit, while I wouldn’t exactly be running for the door, any of the scenarios I’ve discussed would give me serious food for thought when it comes to dating and marriage…
So, am I being cold-hearted, cruel, and judgemental by this? Now, I’m not saying I’d turn away anyone with a sexual past, but I don’t want to be the “good girl” that some guy decides to settle down with after having a grand ole time “sowing his wild oats”, either. I’ve also seen male posters rebel against the notion that they should be happy to be the “nice guy” that girls settle down with after getting tired of having their hearts broken by the “bad boys”. Are people who feel this way just being bitter and resentful?
ETA: I don’t want to say that truly repentant people should be rejected just because of the past. However, the idea that repentance takes away all of the consequences of sexual sin, seems to be implied by many around here who advise people contemplating these issues to just “forgive and forget”. Especially as some sexual sins, such as porn and masturbation, seem to be very tenacious, almost addictive. I guess I find it hard to believe that someone who, say, has had 100 sexual partners wouldn’t carry some of the effects of such a lifestyle, even after they repent of it.