[quote="ToeInTheWater, post:10, topic:224709"]
Well, my point is more that it seems that whenever a virgin dares to express any reservations about a suitor's sexual past, they are guaranteed to be showered with accusations of being judgmental, holier-than-thou, "who do you think you are", etc. Which seems very, well, judgmental, to me! Yet, it seems most people would draw a line somewhere, even if it's at a different point.
I also find it rather ironic, that often when a woman finds out her boyfriend has ever had any kind of porn habit, she is advised to break up with him, because such behavior is very addicitive and ingrained, and that even if he sincerely repents, he is very likely to fall back into that sin, and that his attitudes toward sexuality will have been affected badly.
Yet, a woman who finds out a boyfriend was having frequent sex with actual real, live women in the past is pretty much told to just get over it with and suck it up. Any concern that such behavior would affect the marriage bed seems to be dismissed out of hand, and it seems any concerns someone has about the effects of this kind of sin are dismissed as just arising out of irrational jealousy or cold-hearted legalism.
Now, to me, a man having a porn habit is not as big a deal as him actually committing fornication. Yet, I wouldn't pooh-pooh the concerns of women who do have a problem with men who view porn, or label them as judgmental.
I think it is legitimate for anyone, man or woman, to say that they don't think they can deal with the effects of past sexual sin in a prospective spouse, much as it's legitimate for someone to say they can't deal with stepchildren and/or an ex-spouse (even if the marriage was declared null). Or someone who still lives with his or her parents and expects to do so, and have the spouse move in with them too, and take care of them until they die of old age. (Even though that's normal and expected behavior in many cultures.) Or because they don't see eye-to-eye about whether a mother should stay home with the children. (Often, these days it's the husband who wants the wife to work when she'd rather stay home, not vice versa.) Everyone has deal-breakers when it comes to marriage, and it seems silly to single out some people for saying they, personally, draw the line at a different point than someone else.
While sex outside of marriage is a valid concern, porn is a HUGE concern. It changes the brain chemistry outside of "regular" sex. Also, I remember a video my ethics professor showed us in college....where 99% of the inmates in the maximum security prision had viewed large amounts of porn, all of the sex offenders admitted to not only large amounts but many wierd fettish materials. It's not saying everyone who views porn is a criminal, but that the universal thing criminals have in common is porn...gender, age, sexual orentation, social status, race....it is a troublesome fact. There were, fyi, several criminals who'd never had sex in real life...(they were mostly hispanic and had commited violet crimes (robberies) in their mid-teens)