Ready for a child?


#1

Suddenly DH and I feel ready to be parents, or maybe it’s just that we really love babies. We have been waiting on the babies because we have many problems, financial and religious ones. He was on disability for 3 months and now that he went back to work this wk I feel as though it wouldn’t be such a big problem getting pregnant. BUT… we have the issue of him not wanting to baptize our kids. He’s a JW and refuses to have our children baptized. When we convalidated our marriage he knew I had to make the promise of raising them Catholic, and that I had the obligation to do it, but he’s refusing now.

I don’t know if that would be a good reason to still wait. I am afraid for their souls. I wouldn’t want to bring a child to this world and play it that way. If we did have a baby now, I would have to baptize him/her against his will, behind his back, and I don’t know if that would be morally acceptable.

I wated to see if anyone could help me. I’m not here for people to tell me if I should have a baby, but I am here to see if what you guys would do in this situation. Do you think it’s alright to have a child when stuggling w/this at home? Or do you think it is for the child’s soul’s sake not to have one yet…??? What about baptizing them w/o your spouse’s approval, basically behind his/her back? Would that be morally acceptable? I’m soooo confused!

We were at a party today and we said, “yes, let’s try now”, but I’m so worried for their souls… :crying:


#2

I would think twice about having a child with anyone who is backing out on earlier promises, especially those of such significance as the religion in which you would raise the child. There is NOTHING more impt. than your child’s soul. You and your husband should meet with your priest asap so the priest can talk with him.


#3

When we married civilly we didn’t talk about it. It was until we convalidated. But it was thru a radical sanation, we had no ceremony. He didn’t sign anything, I did… :frowning: He didn’t make the promise, I did. The tribunal saw that I had all the intentions of raising them Catholic, so the Bishop approved the sanation. DH only had to be notified of this promise.


#4

This is such a deja vu. I have a similar ordeal. I would have a child and baptize him but wouldn’t that hurt your marriage?


#5

:frowning:


#6

Based on all of your other posts, I would first work out the religious issues.

Honestly, you are in a very tough situation and if he is getting more and more “into” being a JW again then bringing a child into that situation is a bad idea, IMHO. JW and Catholic are just TOO different.


#7

While I agree that you might want to work your marriage problems out first and especially the ones regarding raising potential children Catholic. However, if there is no child there is no soul so what are you protecting? I think you should trust in God’s mercy and if you are ready have the child. Then you can teach the child about the Catholic faith and let him or her make his or her own decisions if you can’t secretly baptize him or her. Shouldn’t you also be concerned about the soul of your husband? You probably are yet you still are married and work around the issues. I assume the same would go for having a child.


#8

When you are having difficulty in your marriage is not the time to bring children into it. You just went to Retrouvaille, so give that a chance to work. Go to your post sessions, spend a few months dialoging and going to CORE meetings to get your marriage on firmer ground before you jump into something as radically life changing as having a child. And you must come to an agreement about how to raise the child spiritually. That baby needs to be baptized! You made a promise to raise your child as a Catholic, and that is very important. You must realize that or you would not be questioning whether to even have a child.

I think you need to give it more time to get things straightened out before the child comes, or else you will just have bigger fights about the baby after it is already here. I know that from experience. My DH was a lapsed Catholic when we got married, and I was protestant. I didn’t want our baby baptized either–we always did it when we were adolescents or adults. Lots of fighting and family interference. It was not good. I thank God that He led me to the Church and we got our son baptized when he was 4 yrs old. But what if, God forbid, something would have happened to him before that? I can’t even imagine what that would have felt like.

So basically, if you are having doubts, which it sounds like you are, then WAIT. Your child’s soul is too important to just rush into it. God bless you, and I’ll keep praying for you! :crossrc:


#9

Baptizing and raising your children Catholic is your obligation, not his. In a way, I might be more fearful for my own soul if I broke that promise I made in order to have my marriage recognized by the Church.

If he intends to prevent you from fulfilling your obligations, having children becomes a threat not only to the salvation of those children, but to your own and his as well.

I would make it very clear to him that you have an obligation to raise your children Catholic, and that no children ought to be brought into a relationship where they would be a rather direct cause for marital disharmony.

Wait and pray.


#10

From what you have posted in the past I would say this is NOT a good time for a baby. You have said how controlling your husbands family is… if you have a child they are going to hound him day and night until he gives in to their demands to raise the child JW, that religion is very dangerous, it is a cult.

And didn’t you post less than a month ago about a very serious situation between you, your husband and your dog?

Even a great marriage will experience some stress with a new child, mine did and I didn’t have all the things going on that you do.

How can you even consider having a baby with a man who can’t promise you that the baby will be baptized and raised Catholic? Without that promise I would rather never have children than risk a spouse later on pushing me to let him raise that child as a JW.

I don’t mean to be harsh, but your thinking with feelings of "oh, babies are so cute and sweet’ and they are but there is so much more to your situation, your husband belongs to a dangerous cult… personally I myself could never have married into that and secondly I would never have kids with someone who was a JW.

You need to get couples therapy and make absolutely sure, and make your husband say it to you and to his family that any and all kids will be fully, 100% Catholic, this has to be crystal clear to him and to them or I can easily see you posting in a year that your hubby wants to raise the child JW… I’ve seen it before, I have a sister in law who divorced her JW husband and they fought non stop in court because he insisted on raising the kids in the JW when he had originally promised they could be raised Catholic… it was awful… he always promised she could raise them Catholic but the people at his church put him up to it over and over and over that the children must be JW and it totally ruined their marriage and years of court fights.

I’m scared for you and for your unborn children, please make sure that you really know that this child will be Catholic, I’m sorry, I don’t trust cults, they say what you want to hear and then they change to fit their needs, I would be horrified if down the road your hubby would not support you raising your child Catholic.

I am praying that God will lead you in this.


#11

EXCELLENT ADVICE!!!


#12

My thoughts exactly:thumbsup:


#13

Thanks for all your answers. As much as we would want to have a baby, it would be better to wait. The raising them in “what religion” is not going to change, at least for now (he’s a bit stubborn).

We really don’t want to wait much, I want to be a young mom, and he wants to be a young dad, but yes, ignoring the religous part would be immature and childish.

He shows signs of not being a strong JW one day, and another day he wants to be a good JW, but I think that when he wants to be a good JW is only because his sister is pushing him to it. On the other hand, we have my Catholic family (parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, siblings, at least 50 of them live close by), and I know my parents would even get in between it if his religion people tried to have us raise them Catholic.

As far as, “if we got divorced”, I have a paper from the marriage tribunal that says all the children will be raised Catholic, so that could probably help me a bit. But we are not planning on getting divorced. We love each other a lot, and yes, we had a big issue last month, but we’re not letting that come in between. Retrouvaille has helped a lot, and it has only been 2 wknds.

I just think I’ll leave it up to God. He will know when we are ready, and I don’t think he’d send us a child if we weren’t ready. Plus, we’re abstaining in phase 1 and 2 on NFP. Oh, and let’s not forget, I’m praying every day and every time I go to Mass I ask God that DH comes back to the CC so we can start having a family, or that he’ll let me raise them Catholic.

Thank you all for your comments, prayers and concerns!


#14

Prayers for you and your husband - that it will all work out in time through prayer and prayerful reflection. Good luck whatever you and he decide.


#15

I don’t have advice, as I’m not married or a mom (though am in an interfaith relationship) but I do offer prayers for you and your husband:)


#16

Oops… I guess I was typing to fast, I meant my parents would even get in between it if his religion people tried to have us raise them JWs


#17

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