I thought about posting this in another thread. However, I didn’t want to hijack the whole thread so I thought I’d make my own.
The thread was titled “How to love a nonvirgin”. It basically consisted of a guy asking how he could get over his girlfriend’s sexual history. He admitted it was his problem and that he was just being “insecure”. Every response he got basically boiled down to the same message: Get over it! Not a single person congratulated him on waiting for his future wife. It was as if it didn’t matter at all. Then his girlfriend joined the thread and told everyone about how hard this had been on their relationship. She described it as a “dark cloud”. Everyone seemed to sympathize with her and tell her she hadn’t done anything wrong. She (the gf) even seemed to wish that he’d lost it already, that way it wouldn’t be an issue. Here’s where I fit into this. I’m 21 years-old, a college student, and up until now, a devout Catholic. I had no problem staying chaste in high school. The past few years, in college, I’ve tried to actively avoid situations where I would have a hard time staying chaste. I never had any doubt that I was doing the right thing. However, after reading the thread I mentioned above, I’m not so sure anymore. Quite frankly, if that’s what I have to look forward to, I see very little reason to remain chaste. I have no idea if or when I’ll ever get married. One thing I know is that the chance of marrying a woman that waited for me is almost non-existent. I also know, based on the responses to the above-mentioned thread, that if I were to become sexually active, I would always be welcomed back to the Church. If that’s the case, why stay chaste in the first place? It doesn’t seem to matter to anybody anyway, including people who call themselves “Catholics”. Several months ago, I met a girl at work who I’ve become good friends with. I’ve never wanted her to be anymore than a friend. She has two kids and just recently broke-up with her boyfriend. After we met and talked initially, she became nearly obsessed with me. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that she must have sent me 100 text messages everyday for two weeks. She asked me early-on if I had ever “gotten any”. I told her “No, I’m saving myself for marriage.” At first she seemed confused, but eventually she said that she respected my decision. Nevertheless, she started begging me to lose my virginity to her. She said she’s never been with a guy who wasn’t already very experienced and that she wants to know what it’s like. She’s even invited me to her apartment on several occasions when her boyfriend wasn’t home. Up until now, I’ve always said “no”. Now, however, I’m thinking about saying “yes”. My question is simple: Why shouldn’t I say “yes”? If I’m the only person who cares if I stay chaste or not, why should I? The impression I get from this forum is that saving myself for marriage is more of a liability than anything else. If that’s the case, what’s the point? Can anybody give me one good reason, other than “because the Church/Bible says so”?