Ready to give-up on chastity


#1

I thought about posting this in another thread. However, I didn’t want to hijack the whole thread so I thought I’d make my own.

 The thread was titled “How to love a nonvirgin”. It basically consisted of a guy asking how he could get over his girlfriend’s sexual history. He admitted it was his problem and that he was just being “insecure”. Every response he got basically boiled down to the same message: Get over it! Not a single person congratulated him on waiting for his future wife. It was as if it didn’t matter at all. 
 
 Then his girlfriend joined the thread and told everyone about how hard this had been on their relationship. She described it as a “dark cloud”.  Everyone seemed to sympathize with her and tell her she hadn’t done anything wrong. She (the gf) even seemed to wish that he’d lost it already, that way it wouldn’t be an issue. 
 
 Here’s where I fit into this. I’m 21 years-old, a college student, and up until now, a devout Catholic. I had no problem staying chaste in high school. The past few years, in college, I’ve tried to actively avoid situations where I would have a hard time staying chaste. I never had any doubt that I was doing the right thing. However, after reading the thread I mentioned above, I’m not so sure anymore. Quite frankly, if that’s what I have to look forward to, I see very little reason to remain chaste. 
 
  I have no idea if or when I’ll ever get married. One thing I know is that the chance of marrying a woman that waited for me is almost non-existent. I also know, based on the responses to the above-mentioned thread, that if I were to become sexually active, I would always be welcomed back to the Church. If that’s the case, why stay chaste in the first place? It doesn’t seem to matter to anybody anyway, including people who call themselves “Catholics”. 
  
  Several months ago, I met a girl at work who I’ve become good friends with. I’ve never wanted her to be anymore than a friend. She has two kids and just recently broke-up with her boyfriend. After we met and talked initially, she became nearly obsessed with me. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that she must have sent me 100 text messages everyday for two weeks. She asked me early-on if I had ever “gotten any”. I told her “No, I’m saving myself for marriage.” At first she seemed confused, but eventually she said that she respected my decision. Nevertheless, she started begging me to lose my virginity to her. She said she’s never been with a guy who wasn’t already very experienced and that she wants to know what it’s like. She’s even invited me to her apartment on several occasions when her boyfriend wasn’t home. Up until now, I’ve always said “no”. Now, however, I’m thinking about saying “yes”.  
  
  My question is simple: Why shouldn’t I say “yes”? If I’m the only person who cares if I stay chaste or not, why should I? The impression I get from this forum is that saving myself for marriage is more of a liability than anything else. If that’s the case, what’s the point? Can anybody give me one good reason, other than “because the Church/Bible says so”?

#2

So, what is your purpose for living chastely?
To avoid sin in your life?.. or to use it as a bragging right or proof of your holiness?

Now, I didn’t take the time to fully read the other thread you’re referring to - I glanced at it, but didn’t devour it… so excuse my ignorance…

You don’t achieve holiness by checking boxes on a to-do list…
Virgin? Check!
Mass every week? Check!
Didn’t worship idols? Check!

Okay - I did it :D… now what’s my prize? :shrug:

No, it also requires humility, patience, kindness, charity… these things aren’t always easy.
EVERY human being sins… just because you or I have been able to avoid sin in ONE area of our lives doesn’t mean we’re sinless or can hold that virtue over someone’s head as if we’re more saintly.

Does that mean it’s OKAY to sin? No way!
Temperance and diligence are a couple more virtues that need to be in the mix… :wink: You can’t just GIVE UP!

Yes, it’s tough… deal with it. :stuck_out_tongue:


#3

[quote="Nick_89, post:1, topic:240027"]
I thought about posting this in another thread. However, I didn’t want to hijack the whole thread so I thought I’d make my own.

 The thread was titled “How to love a nonvirgin”. It basically consisted of a guy asking how he could get over his girlfriend’s sexual history. He admitted it was his problem and that he was just being “insecure”. Every response he got basically boiled down to the same message: Get over it! Not a single person congratulated him on waiting for his future wife. It was as if it didn’t matter at all. 

 Then his girlfriend joined the thread and told everyone about how hard this had been on their relationship. She described it as a “dark cloud”.  Everyone seemed to sympathize with her and tell her she hadn’t done anything wrong. She (the gf) even seemed to wish that he’d lost it already, that way it wouldn’t be an issue. ...

... My question is simple: Why shouldn’t I say “yes”? If I’m the only person who cares if I stay chaste or not, why should I? The impression I get from this forum is that saving myself for marriage is more of a liability than anything else. If that’s the case, what’s the point? Can anybody give me one good reason, other than “because the Church/Bible says so”?

[/quote]

Below is the post from the girlfriend in the other thread. She has regrets because she is not a virgin. Perhaps you should consider her words.

[quote="msssc, post:34, topic:239502"]
I am his girlfriend. cdd and I have been dating for almost two years. We were friends for a long time before that and I was always honest with him about not being a virgin. He pursued me anyway and we have been dating ever since. We have argued this so many times I can't even keep track anymore. I feel absolutely horrible about my past and wish I could erase it but I cant. I don't know what I can do to make him feel better. I was young and stupid and made mistakes with two men I didn't belong with. It's the biggest regret I have. It follows me around like a dark cloud over our relationship. It makes me feel unequal to my boyfriend, like he is better than me. I can't stand feeling this way. All I want is for him to look at me without seeing the mistakes I've made. I love him so much and know from the bottom of my heart that I want to marry him. He is such a good man. I hate that I am unable to make him happy. The two men I was with before treated me badly. They were immature, selfish, jerks who used me and dumped me. I regret every having met them. Being with them caused me nothing but sadness, emptiness, and pain. I've been trying for two years to try to get him to move past it. I would appreciate some advice for what I can do on my part to help him. I know I can never get my virginity back, but I have so much more to offer. And I KNOW that my marriage will mean a million times more to me than any other experiences I have had.

[/quote]

By the way, I disagree with your point below:

[quote="Nick_89, post:1, topic:240027"]
...She (the gf) even seemed to wish that he’d lost it already, that way it wouldn’t be an issue. ...

[/quote]

All I see from the girlfriend is regret that she isn't a virgin anymore and cannot offer that to the man she loves. I do not see that she wishes he would lose his virginity, all I see is regret that she already lost hers to someone else.


#4

Nick, I sympathize with you. I saved myself for marriage, but my husband did not... It was a very difficult thing for me to get over, but he had so much admiration for my firm adherence to what I believed was right.

Don't give up; stay true to yourself and your faith. There are girls out there saving themselves for marriage... I am proof of that!:) What matters most right now is your relationship with God. He wants your love and faithfulness. And when you find the right girl, she will have so much love and admiration for you. Just pray every day that God will bring you the girl He wants you to marry. And if she saved herself for you, then wonderful! If she didn't, that doesn't change who you are and the faith you stayed true to. And you will see who she is beyond her sin, who God created her to be, and she will rise to a more noble and loving life with you.


#5

Yes, because your future wife is going to care. She is not going to like thinking about you engaging in casual sex. That does not train you in faithfulness. DONT.


#6

The answer is: Because you say so, because it is important and sacred to you, YOURSELF!!

I don't get the idea you are bragging or conforming to a check-list. Good for you, this world is hard enough and you are doing a great job avoiding the temptations! But you must get away from this girl, drop her instantly! Anyone who is openly encouraging you to do something against your morals certainly isn't trying to be a good friend to you and you should avoid her at all costs. Let her perpetuate her toxic influences on someone else!

Good luck :)


#7

Hi Nick,

What happens if you sleep with this woman that you mentioned, and then some time later you find out that you are the father of her third child?

Also, you say “if I’m the only person who cares if I stay chaste or not…” But you aren’t the only person. God most certainly cares. Mary cares. Your guardian angel cares. And if you are fortunate and blessed enough to find a wonderful woman to marry some day, there is a very good chance that she will care too.

And yes, as someone else said, there *are *women out there who are saving themselves for marriage. Maybe the woman you marry will be one of them, or maybe not. And almost certainly those women are in the minority. But they are out there.

I understand the temptations you are facing. Believe me, I do. I went through uncertainty about chastity in my early 20s, similar to what you are facing. And I know that the temptation to give up on chastity can be extremely powerful. It is so easy to rationalize what we really want, and to convince ourselves that it wouldn’t be such a bad thing. You need to try to avoid this trap that is so easy to fall into.

My advice: Pray, and stay strong. Don’t give in to the temptation. Cut off all communication with this woman if you have to, block her text messages, whatever – in order to avoid this temptation.


#8

Why do you need more reason than that? You act as if the Church and the Bible are two small, irrelevant sources of morality, and you need more to justify an action.

You could say “Can anybody give me a good reason why 2+2=4, other than “because mathematics says so”?” — It would make just about as much sense.

Chastity is not kept so other people will be pleased with you. Chastity is in accord with obedience to God. To value chastity simply because others praise you for it is Pharisaic.

However, I do agree with you on the thread you mentioned. People unfortunately missed the entire point of the thread. Instead of giving the young man what he asked for – advice – people made it more than clear to him that he was wrong and must change, something he already knew.


#9

If you believe that Catholicism is the truth, you should agree that engaging in premarital sex, intentionally, deliberately, and fully understanding Christ’s prohibitions against it, risks your eternal soul. Not only if you happen to get hit by a bus after your illicit sex, but many people find that mortal sin begets more mortal sin, particularly when that sin is sexual in nature. Sexual sin is a dangerous parasite that is quick to latch on and very difficult to kill.

If you don’t believe Catholicism is the truth, then go follow your conscience. But realize that your desire to have sex is probably even tainting your thinking about religion. I remember that when I was deep in sexual sin, right before committing it, I would tell myself “God probably doesn’t exist, and if he does, I’m sure he’s cool with this.” Of course, when my head was clear, I knew that not to be true…

Besides that, I DEEPLY regret my premarital sex, even though it was before I became Catholic. I wish my wife and I shared our first moments together. It is always a cloud that hangs in the background of our relationship, even though I have confessed it and she has fully forgiven me. She will always know that I have known the embrace of another woman–something I can never forget. That will bother any devout Catholic woman.

Good luck. You are in my prayers–chastity is often a very heavy cross, but know that the heavier the cross, the greater the graces.


#10

It sounds like you are in a very broken relationship right now. This woman is obsessed with you and has an ex-boyfriend who still lives with her? Run, don't walk, quickly in the other direction. Put distance between yourself and this disturbed woman.

To say that the Church will welcome you back even if you have casual sex is a sin. It's a presumption of God's mercy. This is like someone who decides to get sterilized but it's OK, because he can just go to confession later and it will be done. Falling down and making a mistake is one thing. Violating God's law in a premeditated act is a grave, grave sin indeed.

Do not despair. There are women out there who will accept you without this kind of obsession. I kind of know how you feel. After leaving the Church for many years and going through a period of immorality, I am trying to again experience God's love without a bunch of empty relationships, and it is very hard finding someone who will agree with my convictions. But I firmly believe that I will find someone who is right for me, it's just a matter of faith.


#11

Don't, repeat, DO NOT GIVE UP! Good, wholesome girls ARE out there. I'm one of them. I waited for marriage. My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship, so obviously he wasn't a virgin when we met. We've been married almost 7 years and, to this very day, he still talks about what a privilege it is for him to have been the only one I've ever expressed my love to. I personally had NO interest in sex with ANYONE outside of marriage. Do you understand the kind of respect my husband has for me because of that? I'm sure he would have loved me regardless, but it makes our sexual relationship so very sacred and special. Don't throw that away! God has a plan of no fornication for a reason. In the short run, it's not always easy. But in the long run, it's so worth it. You are in the minority, I know, but the fact you're waiting is something so many girls want out of their mate! Don't give in like so many typical guys these days. You're better than that! Cut ties with this girl TODAY! There is a prayer called "The Way Of the Cross" found in the Pieta book. One of the prayers says "O, Jesus, may no human tie, however dear, keep me from following the road of The Cross". Very powerful words, indeed! Basically, don't let others, no matter how close of a relationship you have with them, keep you from doing what's right (not necessarily what's EASIEST, mind you!). You know in your heart that living a chaste life is the better road for you. Stick to your guns about this. You will NEVER regret it!!! Pray to St. Therese, The Little Flower, for guidance. I'll pray you stay firm in your convictions :)


#12

Interesting conundrum you have here, Nick. Let me put some thoughts together:

This is who you fear you'll be:

[quote="Nick_89, post:1, topic:240027"]
It basically consisted of a guy asking how he could get over his girlfriend’s sexual history. He admitted it was his problem and that he was just being “insecure”.

[/quote]

This is what you'll fear will happen with your future wife (whom you waited for - and I applaud you for that!)

[quote="Nick_89, post:1, topic:240027"]
Then his girlfriend joined the thread and told everyone about how hard this had been on their relationship. She described it as a “dark cloud”.

[/quote]

This is your thinking so far.

[quote="Nick_89, post:1, topic:240027"]

However, after reading the thread I mentioned above, I’m not so sure anymore. Quite frankly, if that’s what I have to look forward to, I see very little reason to remain chaste. ... One thing I know is that the chance of marrying a woman that waited for me is almost non-existent.

[/quote]

Let me tell you my story. I had sex for the first time when I was 18. The relationship lasted 3 months and was gone. I slept with (or tried to sleep with) every girl I dated after that. By the time I met my wife (at 24), I had slept with 9 women (maybe 10, I don't remember). My wife was a virgin. She gave me her virginity on our wedding night, even though while we dated it was a "dark cloud" for her. At one point she asked how many girls I'd had, and I asked her why it mattered, she simply said "just tell me if it's more than 50". So she had this horrible idea of me being a man-whore. My experience is something she grudged until we were married - and her lack of experience is something I treasured, and still do. I'm the only man she'll ever make love to. Say you meet a girl, fall in love, she's a virgin, you're a virgin. Wonderful! But if you meet a virgin, and you're not a virgin, you can't undo that. You can only offer that gift once.

[quote="Nick_89, post:1, topic:240027"]

if I were to become sexually active, I would always be welcomed back to the Church. If that’s the case, why stay chaste in the first place? It doesn’t seem to matter to anybody anyway, including people who call themselves “Catholics”.

[/quote]

It absolutely matters. Sex isn't just about pleasure. It's emotional, it's visceral. You are actually inside of another person. That's an extreme vulnerability, and it leaves people with lots of baggage if the relationship - the committment - isn't there. We've taught this for 2,000 years, and it was taught for 4,000 years before that. Sex is extraordinarily powerful and it can be devastating. Most of us might let the Church down, but I think most of us realize after the fact that the Church is right. I'd rather not have slept with 9 women. My wife being a virgin, my experience didn't add anything to our intimacy. If anything, it took away from it because anything we tried she wondered if I had done with someone else. Virginity allows you to give the entirety of yourself - including your history - to just one person.

And why would you beggar Christ's forgiveness by intentionally committing mortal sin? You have to cease sinning - or at least intend to - in order to receive forgiveness. You can't really approach the Church with a "try now and think about later" attitude.


#13

You have a wonderful gift to give your bride one day. Imagine you had something precious that had been given to you by God. It was so powerful, spiritual and life lasting that he wanted you to give it to the person who was going to be blessed by him personally. He would join you and this person, who you have yet to meet, in perfect marriage. This was the gift of creating another life in His and your image.

When you find this person, and you invite her to the rest of your life together, under God, wouldn't you like to give her this gift, unbroken on your first night together.

She will never forget that you saved yourself for her. Ever. And neither will God.

So if you can eat from the Tree of Knowledge after all that, well then all I can say, is I wish someone had this talk with me before I met my wife of 32 years. She was worth saving myself for.


#14

[quote="camerong, post:9, topic:240027"]
She will always know that I have known the embrace of another woman--something I can never forget. That will bother any devout Catholic woman.

[/quote]

Please refrain from speaking on behalf of all devout women. There are in fact many who are strong enough not to be bothered by the sins their spouse committed ands repented from before they met.


#15

Let me add to my previous post, this girl you spoke of doesn't even love you. She wants you for an experiment. I could be more sympathetic if you were in a committed relationship and were fighting with temptation there. You're considering doing this for casual reasons??? Sex shouldn't be casual, and shouldn't be done outside of marriage. I'm rooting for you!! Stand your ground and hold tight to your faith, not to mention your self respect and dignity!


#16

How about this? You save yourself until you find the girl that you want to marry. If she hasn't saved herself for marriage you go out and find some promiscuous girls and sleep around until you have the same count as your future wife. That way you can be all square with your fiancée and you will not have to feel like you've been cheated. If she is a virgin, then great, you don't have to worry about getting even and you will not regret anything.


#17

[quote="Nick_89, post:1, topic:240027"]

Now to your second question - the imminent issue prompting all this. This girl you work with. She would be bad news even if you had ever "gotten any":

Sign 1:

That's not respect, dude. Respect is "I won't offer but I'll be your friend." Think of if it were reversed - she's the virgin and you're the guy begging her for sex. You know what that is? Harassment. You can get fired for that. She could put a restraining order on you or have you arrested.

Sign 3:

[quote="Nick_89, post:1, topic:240027"]

She’s even invited me to her apartment on several occasions when her boyfriend wasn’t home.

[/quote]

So she's involved with someone, not committed to him, and she's either going to use you for her own sexual gratification - demanding that you give something you can only give one person so she can taste it - and possibly get your hide beaten by this boyfriend. This is bad. Guys get murdered over things like this.

Sign 4:

[quote="Nick_89, post:1, topic:240027"]
She has two kids and just recently broke-up with her boyfriend.

[/quote]

Crikey, man, do you want to be that guy in the kids' lives that their mom sleeps with when their daddy isn't home?

[quote="Nick_89, post:1, topic:240027"]

My question is simple: Why shouldn’t I say “yes”?

[/quote]

For the immediate situation:
1) This girl will only break your heart.
2) What if you get her pregnant? Do you want that burden before you're done with college? Can you support her and her two other kids?
3) You're setting a really bad example for how her kids should relate to men.
4) Her boyfriend will kick your butt.
5) I will kick your butt.

For the future:
1) Trust me, as a guy who had 9 women before he had his wife, you don't want this baggage. You don't want to have unwelcome sexual thoughts about girls you broke off with long ago. You don't want to have a masturbation habit (which is really easy to develop after a relationship of non-stop sex ends). You don't want to have to confess this. You don't want to have to think of yourself differently, or look at girls differently. And you really, really don't want want to have to tell your wife that she's not the first lover you had, just the next.
2) The natural consequences: babies, stds, jealous boyfriends. Broken condom? Scary. Missed period? I'd rather have my car stolen. Shotgun wedding to become stepdad to some other guy's two kids - do you really want this for yourself, Nick? Do you really want to have to face these choices?
3) Hey, did I ever tell you how much it is to have an STD test? They take a q-tip, a really big one, and they shove it up your urethra. Might as well douse the sucker in rubbing alcohol and light it on fire, that's what it feels like. And to get the test so your parents don't find out, you can't go to your doctor because it shows up on insurance. You get to go to Planned Parenthood. You get to cross the picket lines of anti-abortion protestors and sit in the waiting room with pregnant 15-year-olds who are going to murder their babies that day. Nick, that sucks. That really sucks. You don't want this.
3) The emotional consequences: girls who cling to you and follow you - as this one surely will. Girls who see sex a promise guys make with their bodies, not just their mouths. And they're right - for a girl to let a guy be her lover is to let him physically inside her body. That's no small feat, that's not insignificant or "just sex" no matter who tells you that. Casual sex is a myth, Nick, unless your heart is so calloused by rejection and failed relationships that all you think you're worth is seven minutes of arousal, seven seconds of pleasure and a lot of time to think about it afterwards.

C'mon man, you're better than this. You're certainly worth more than what this girl with the two kids and the live-in boyfriend and the unlimited text message plan can offer you.

sigh.

If I come off feeling harsh, I apologize, but I feel like I'm talking to an 18-year-old version of myself. And I wish I had, man.
[/quote]


#18

This reminds me of the episode of 3rd Rock from the Sun where Tommy and Alissa make a date to “do it” for the first time. It will be Tommy’s first time with anyone, but Alissa admits that it will not be her first time. So the day before their special date, Tommy “hooks up” with a girl that he just met. As Tommy and Alissa meet in the hotel room later, he tells her with great excitement what he did, and how isn’t it great that now they are both equally experienced! Needless to say, it doesn’t end well. :slight_smile:


#19

[quote="PaulGH, post:18, topic:240027"]
This reminds me of the episode of 3rd Rock from the Sun where Tommy and Alissa make a date to "do it" for the first time. It will be Tommy's first time with anyone, but Alissa admits that it will not be her first time. So the day before their special date, Tommy "hooks up" with a girl that he just met. As Tommy and Alissa meet in the hotel room later, he tells her with great excitement what he did, and how isn't it great that now they are both equally experienced! Needless to say, it doesn't end well. :)

[/quote]

Note to the OP: you should not tell your fiancée about this plan.

OP, I can understand your frustration. I used to think about this too when I was younger. If I was going to save myself I wanted to be able to kiss a pair of lips that hadn't been wrapped around another man's privates. Call me old fashioned if you like. :shrug: I don't know if it is possible anymore in the US in the 21st century. You might give it a try but you have to accept the fact that you might die alone if you make this too big of an issue.

Oh, and you might be want to stop trying to go tit for tat with your future wife and forgive her. You haven't even met the girl you want to marry yet and you're already worried about getting even. :p


#20

[quote="Nick_89, post:1, topic:240027"]
I thought about posting this in another thread. However, I didn’t want to hijack the whole thread so I thought I’d make my own.

 The thread was titled “How to love a nonvirgin”. It basically consisted of a guy asking how he could get over his girlfriend’s sexual history. He admitted it was his problem and that he was just being “insecure”. Every response he got basically boiled down to the same message: Get over it! Not a single person congratulated him on waiting for his future wife. It was as if it didn’t matter at all. 

 Then his girlfriend joined the thread and told everyone about how hard this had been on their relationship. She described it as a “dark cloud”.  Everyone seemed to sympathize with her and tell her she hadn’t done anything wrong. She (the gf) even seemed to wish that he’d lost it already, that way it wouldn’t be an issue. 

 Here’s where I fit into this. I’m 21 years-old, a college student, and up until now, a devout Catholic. I had no problem staying chaste in high school. The past few years, in college, I’ve tried to actively avoid situations where I would have a hard time staying chaste. I never had any doubt that I was doing the right thing. However, after reading the thread I mentioned above, I’m not so sure anymore. Quite frankly, if that’s what I have to look forward to, I see very little reason to remain chaste. 

  I have no idea if or when I’ll ever get married. One thing I know is that the chance of marrying a woman that waited for me is almost non-existent. I also know, based on the responses to the above-mentioned thread, that if I were to become sexually active, I would always be welcomed back to the Church. If that’s the case, why stay chaste in the first place? It doesn’t seem to matter to anybody anyway, including people who call themselves “Catholics”. 

  Several months ago, I met a girl at work who I’ve become good friends with. I’ve never wanted her to be anymore than a friend. She has two kids and just recently broke-up with her boyfriend. After we met and talked initially, she became nearly obsessed with me. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that she must have sent me 100 text messages everyday for two weeks. She asked me early-on if I had ever “gotten any”. I told her “No, I’m saving myself for marriage.” At first she seemed confused, but eventually she said that she respected my decision. Nevertheless, she started begging me to lose my virginity to her. She said she’s never been with a guy who wasn’t already very experienced and that she wants to know what it’s like. She’s even invited me to her apartment on several occasions when her boyfriend wasn’t home. Up until now, I’ve always said “no”. Now, however, I’m thinking about saying “yes”.  

  My question is simple: **Why shouldn’t I say “yes”? **If I’m the only person who cares if I stay chaste or not, why should I? The impression I get from this forum is that saving myself for marriage is more of a liability than anything else. If that’s the case, what’s the point? Can anybody give me one good reason, other than “because the Church/Bible says so”?

[/quote]

You are all kinds of foolish to even ask that question. To get sexually involved with a woman who already has 2 kids? Have you totally lost your mind? Why did you stay chaste in the first place? Because everyone else was doing it? Your attitude is like someone who observes people looting and then joins in because, "Why not, they are getting away with something and I am not!"

When you join your body with another in sexual union, your brains make chemicals that bond you together, just as if you were married. God made us that way, you know. So you are taking God's gift, meant to strengthen your covenant marriage, and trashing it, and bonding with someone that you don't even know and may not like. Good plan! Not!

Other than the Bible says so? That's the Word of God, what else do you need? Are you or are you not a Catholic? Our Church is built upon the Word of God and God wanted you to keep that powerful bond for the woman who will be your wife.

You're basing your decision on responses to someone else's thread on this forum? Where random people replied and gave their perspective, which may be 100% wrong? Good plan! NOT!

Either you have the moral fiber to remain chaste until marriage, or you don't. Know that you will get hurt, and you will hurt others, and you might create a child or children, which then could be aborted WITHOUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE OR CONSENT, and you will likely get a disease. As well as being in sin. Good plan! DEFINITELY NOT!!!!

If there is one thing I could go back and undo in my past, it is my sexual history. It interferes with my marriage in huge ways. You cannot just confess it away, it is a sickening scar that will remain no matter how many times I confess. I will NEVER KNOW what it might be like to make love to my husband with no other experience but him. I will never know what "holy sex" consists of. (He was not a virgin either.) I am ashamed, and there may yet be physical consequences down the road.

I'd like to reach right through this computer, grab you by the shoulders and SHAKE some sense into you! What a silly thing to even consider. Block her texts and RUN away! If you say chastity hasn't even been that hard, why would you give up now? "College hasn't been that hard....let's see...maybe I should just blow off all my classes and flunk out!" Same logic or lack thereof.


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