[quote="faithfully, post:4, topic:212786"]
Well... the things I would try.... Not knowing your exact situation, you'll have to determine what will work.
1)Get direct deposit on his payroll.
I assume you are both on the the account that you would direct deposit to? Transfer that balance or most of it to an account with JUST YOUR NAME on it. Pay bills, and buy groceries, and clothing from there. TRANSFER the 2nd it hits the account. I wonder if you can have his wages garnished? No idea how that might work... But it would certainly bypass his wallet...
2)Vist all those check lending places, and inform them of your bad credit. See if you can prevent them from lending $$ (not sure if this is even possible). This is where I see the biggest problem. He's aquiring REALLY high interest debt.
3)Lose DH's debit & credit cards. Fail to re-order. If you can't get your hands on them, just call the banks and say they've been lost. They will be frozen, and he can't spend. Watch the mail for the new ones... CUT THEM UP!
4) BURN all your checks. Or keep them under lock and key.
The problem is, YOUR credit also goes into the toilet with his. I'm not sure what legal protection you might have... As a married couple his credit is yours.
5) have DH work from cash only. When it's gone, it's gone.
Well, these are the things I would try. I've a read one or 2 of your other posts. Not sure if this would instigate world war 3. So use your judgement. Let him know that you're willing to control all the $$ without a monthly meeting. But he can't dip in when he wants. Agree to an amount he can have as spending $$...
Prayers for you. Finances can be such a drama.
Amen to that. Yes, we have direct deposit. He opened up to accounts with a split direct deposit. Which is a disaster because now we end up with twice the number of NSFs and bounced checks. On top of that, he opened a bank account at the bank where I had a savings account in my name. When I had that, at least, I could cash a check if someone gave me something for my birthday (for example) even if he'd screwed up everything else. When he opened that account, I started having trouble cashing anything "oops, it looks like your husband is overdrawn.."
I have tried taking money out of the account, taking over the account, forcing the use of cash only. And I've learned one thing: when someone really doesn't want to listen, they're very creative in undermining your efforts to the contrary. Everything from writing checks by phone with written bank info (not even physical checks) to getting loans and credit cards w/o my foreknowledge.
Such drama, indeed. I hate money.
My mantra has been "cash only, cash only--it's gone, it's gone" but that's been a train-wreck. I even had him watching "Til Debt Do Us Part" with hopes of inspiration. Nope.
[quote="Trinity117, post:5, topic:212786"]
I am so sorry that you are struggling. I am married for 15 years and quite a few years ago, my DH ran up a huge amount of debt under his own name and hid it from me. We wound up in serious financial straights, to the point of him having to take drastic measures. It stressed our marriage big time. After that, I INSISTED on taking care of the finances. I have been doing just that ever since. There are a lot of (personal) reasons that I dislike handling that, but it is what it is.
My situation is obviously different, but the feeling of "I don't WANT to be in charge all the time" resonates with me. I didn't ask for this assignment, but I look at is as I was given the duty and in order to keep family peace, it has just become part of my "job."
I don't want to pry, but I assume you know where all this "spending" money is going? I know my DH cannot resist buying stuff for our daughter (who has way too much stuff, IMHO) :rolleyes:. Now we are to the point that I actually give him a dollar amount to be spent each week. IF he has to go over, he has to tell me (ahead of time) in order to ensure there is "extra." It sounds like your DH is still rebelling against the rules, and I sympathize. That can be terribly difficult.
Again, I know my situation isn't the same exactly, but I can understand how you feel. Please feel free to PM me if you need. God Bless, my sister and good luck. I am praying for you!
Sometimes we do have to take charge, and I understand that. I suppose, it wouldn't be so bad to take charge if I were allowed to actually do it. What ends up happening is that he plays Mr. Jerk Teenager with the family finances while I try to beg, plead, and fight my way to sanity saying "moderation" "cash" and "budget" all the way.
Prayers are appreciated, because I need the strength not to go insane and he needs the strength to develop better habits.
Spending money usually ends up going to friends (but so-n-so is in jail and needed some money in his account for the canteen), family, high interest loans, and stupid spending (look! I just got a new sub-woofer for my car!...or I just paid off XYZ debt, but now we don't have the money for the rest of our bills...oopsy!)
Yes, rebelling against the rules. Rebelling against being nearly 40 most of the time. He thinks his irresponsibility is "youthful"...and he's got time to worry about it all later.
Got news for him...he doesn't.