[quote="llfarms, post:24, topic:212786"]
It sounds like you dont have a finances problem, but instead a marriage problem. Your hubby doesnt respect you enough to sit down and do the books.
Instead, he does what ever he wants. I used to be the same way, but found my marriage got better when my wife knows our bills will be paid.
You need to purchase the book 'Financial Make Over" by Dave Ramsey.
In essence, you need to sit down with your hubby, hold his hand, and then tell him, how important it is to you. You need to do this w/o insults, eye looks, sneers, ect, Then, have him give you a time when u can do this together, put the kids to bed and make the time.
EXACTLY!!! That's why I'm talking about it here because this is a marriage issue. The money thing is a symptom. I'm not worried about courts or things of that sort. Honestly, if I was going to run for the hills, it would've been while he was having the problems with drinking.
This is another behavioral kink in the marriage. If we got past the drinking (I've not always been a saint on that one myself) then I'm sure we can fix this, too. It's all about behavior and selecting healthy habits over damaging ones. And if you grew up only knowing bad habits, and kept them into adulthood, it is really not easy to change.
It's the same with alcohol and debt as it is with weight-loss and exercise.
He was an atheist, I was an atheist. He's now more of an agnostic, but likes the Church for the social benefit of being there among people who like to do good things/behave. I'm hoping someday that will blossom into full belief...because I really think that would make a difference. It did for me.
I'm personally crazy mad about :
But, I'm always keen to get more ideas. This is do-able, all hope is not lost. If it wasn't ten years ago it certainly isn't now :) I'm hurt by the disrespect, but it isn't the end of the world, either. I still think he and the kids are worth it. My marriage, too. I look at it like a really rough childbirth. When it's all over and things are patched up and we're happy and fat and old...I can tell horror stories and how we overcame them.
Of course, I'd like to get this whole labor of love over with so I can go to the story-making part a little sooner, though. Because this really is driving me up the walls.
I'm just trying to be patient. It's hard. I've had that sit down a few times. It worked for a little while and then we fell right back. But, changes in behavior don't follow a linear path...it takes time and sometimes a few regressions. Too emotional tonight, but I think this Friday will be a good time to sit down, get cozy, tell him how much I love him, how far we've come...and how far we've got to go... :D:p