I wonder if anybody can offer me advice about a really difficult family situation. About four months ago my younger sister (who is now 17 and was just 16 at the time) suddenly decided to move out of the family home and in with her boyfriend (he’s 6 years older…they had only been dating a couple of months!)
In the process she also gave up school, and fell out with our parents big-time (over the fact that she stole two of their bank cards whilst planning the move - and a LOT of other really obnoxious and hurtful behaviour).
I was really worried and at first just tried to talk her out of it and get her to see the importance of school etc but that was completely useless. Then, I got angry too because of how horrible she was being towards me and our parents and we didn’t talk much for a while; we’ve made up now but I’m still really upset about everything that’s happened, it has torn my family apart :(. Now when I go back from uni it’s just the three of us and it feels so weird…
Obviously we’re all really upset but it’s my dad I’m most worried about. At the best of times he’s an emotional person with a lot of insecurities, and he is so heartbroken by what’s happened and questioning everything… Yesterday for example he got on the phone to me and asked me whether he’d been a good father to my sister and me. He sounded so down. No matter what anybody says, he seems to feel like such a failure, I just wish there was something I could do to help.
Basically I’m at a loss about what to do to help repair my family, and to be honest it seems like it is truly beyond repair anyway; there have been BIG problems with my sister for a long time (I won’t go into too many details now, but violence, constant agression, stealing etc etc) and my mum says it’s at the point where she wouldn’t even want to have my sister back in the house anymore. It seems relevant to add that my sister and I are both adopted, and she came from a really tough background. There have always been issues.
My dad, as I say, has taken it really hard and he is a vulnerable person anyway, I hate to see him hurting like this. I’m angry with my sister, but at the same I’m concerned for her and mad at this boyfriend, who is so much older for encouraging her to turn her back on her family and school!
I know this is a really long post but I am just so so sad about what’s happened and wish there was some way I could help. I don’t have any concrete question, it’s more just advice on how to deal with this that I’m looking for…