Reasons for broken marriage/home?


#1

Has anyone had their marriage ruined by oral sex and/or masturbation? Would someone who’s been there please tell of the damages done? Sorry if this is too personal. I’m a young catholic and don’t want to make mistakes with my marriage, when i get there.


#2

I’m a young catholic and don’t want to make mistakes with my marriage, when i get there. Has oral sex and/or masturbation ruined anyone’s marriage? does anyone have personal experience and can intelligently give me advice here?


#3

Why would oral sex, which is not prohibited for married people, ruin one’s marriage? I get the masturbation thing…

There are rules, in that the husband must climax inside the wife’s vagina, but other than that, there is nothing wrong with oral sex.


#4

Do you mean engaging in these things prior to marriage which could cause harm later? Or engaging in them while married?


#5

engaging in these things during marriage. I’m having a hard time finding a documented church answer on the right/wrongness of oral sex foreplay during marriage. I very holy priest told me any oral/anal foreplay at all is wrong during marriage, and he tells the truth.


#6

…‘and he tells the truth’…What he’s holier than the Pope? Holier than the Word? Holier than the Magesterium?

Hmmm…I find that hard to believe!

You sound very young, perhaps you worry about things that will not concern you for many, many years until you are fully matured and may, or may not, be called to marriage. Until then, just live your life and worry not!

Anna x


#7

I was married once before (before my Catholic conversion and my previous husband didn’t belong to a particular faith). My ex-husband at the time didn’t show much interest in me physically and was more of a voyer. I know that he did watch pornography when I wasn’t around and took care of his own business.

So yes, this did cause the decay of our marriage. He was not attentive to me and left me feeling less than a partner. He was not attentive to me and he wasn’t attentive in the marriage. I eventually left that marriage because I felt unloved and unwanted on MANY levels.

There is a reason why it’s a sin. My broken marriage is a perfect example.

Hopefully that answers your question.

God Bless,
Andi V.


#8

Cowboy, I think you would be interested in this response to a question about oral sex over on another Catholic Q&A.

Oral sex is not always sinful, but masturbation is. Here’s the link:

Marital Embrace Question
WARNING!! This question and answer is of a mature nature. Parental discretion is advised.


#9

I asked Fr. Serpa some questions about masturbation a few months ago on the “ask an apologist” section.

The bottom line it seems to me, and from the link above, is that it depends upon what the final intent and outcome in.

Self Stimlulation for the sake of climax alone, masturbation, is a purely selfish act (there is a Woody Alan quote in there somewhere but I won’t go there…). That is why it’s wrong.

In regards to the martial embrace the touching of one’s spouse is self giving and leading to the possibility of life if all of the Church’s teachings are followed.

Total Self giving to each other is what is required in marriage :slight_smile:

Joe


#10

I know you didn’t ask, Cowboy, but my advice is to stay away from pornography. I swear every one of those images come back, always at the wrong time. I have seen those things in my head at mass! I pray all the time to St. Michael to take them away. Believe me, they are a powerful tool for satan to distract you with.


#11

I recommend Christopher West’s Theology of the Body for Beginners… It goes through the rules, the misunderstandings and reasons behind the rules. It’s an easy read and so very useful to understanding all this “sex stuff”.

BTW, oral stimulation is not the same as oral sex, if you understand? One is OK, the other is not. TOB explains the differences and why. Although there are some on these forums that will argue that neither is acceptable.

Ramalama. I know what you mean… after 18 months, they are all but gone for me…I put a really tough filter on the computer so nothing can come up accidentally or otherwise. It’s a matter of prayer and will over brain if you know what I mean? What I think really did the trick was the effort involved in confessing it. Once I did that, my world changed.


#12

thanks guys. I was addicted to porn but thanks to a novena to St. Jude I have been sober for 10 months, save glancing at a photo I shouldn’t have. Images really stick to the brain, its so hard. I’m just trying to give up masturbation now and I’d be happy.


#13

Cowboy, in order to conquer that one, you have to stop the temptation at the thought, then pray, pray, pray for the strength to overcome the temptation.

Don’t put yourself in near occasions of this sin. Giving up pornography is a huge step forward. Identify other triggers and try to eliminate them. If you pull a car up to a cliff and rev the engine, chances are good you’ll go over.

My experience has been that with each temptation you overcome, the temptation becomes weaker and weaker until it is hardly a temptation at all.

Stopping it at the initial thought & praying is key. If you dwell on it and start to fantasize, or presume you can overcome it without God’s help, you will fall into sin time and again.

Go to confession. Being in a state of grace helps tremendously with avoiding future serious sin.


#14

I admire you! Ten months…that’s really good! :thumbsup:

Good for you for planning ahead and thinking ahead. I hear all the time about being young and being told not to worry about it until I’m older. That’s not true. You’re old enough to be responsible and the choices you make now will affect you forever. So kudos to you.

That being, I’m not sure it is the specific act that destroys marriage so much as it is the atmosphere.

Think of it like this: masturbation in a marriage is like a fever during an illness. It is a symptom that the body is hurting and needs healing. If the fever (masturbation) is not stopped, the body (marriage) can be permanently damaged.

So hats off to you for taking control of your life and breaking this habit. You will have your body under control for marriage!


#15

I was told during Confession when the issue of masturbation came up something that’s been a powerful image for me in overcoming it. He told me that whenever the temptation arises, don’t fight it. Don’t struggle with the temptation. Instead, turn, and run as fast as you can to Jesus, and beg, point back at the temptation and beg for Him to take it away. And He always will. So far it’s helped me overcome at least two very tense moments that I would have given in to in the past.


#16

anna1978 I found what you said a little harsh. I have been married for almost 8 years and only recently had this question asnwered for me.

masterbation is sinful and never should happen with in a marriage. Always encourage your spouse to go to confession if he falls to this temptation.

Oral anything was a big question mark to me as well. someone stated it very clearly here. Oral sex would be the complete act beginning to climax. However foreplay by any means that ends with the seed being left inside the womans vagina would be morally acceptable.

I guess my only question for the couple is if its mutually benificial and nessesary? I know that some foreplay can make a woman feel degraded. It should only be something she does if its an act both married persons enjoys and feels connected doing.


#17

*“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—For your love is better than wine.” *Song of Songs 1:2

Kissing and caressing anywhere on the body is lawful and profitable in a marriage, and fulfills the “unitive” element that is essential in any act of lovemaking. Pornography and masturbation are selfish and are not unitive, therefore they are both morally wrong and not permissible in a Catholic marriage.

Between husbands and wives, if one of them doesn’t prefer something, then it wouldn’t be an act of love to force it on the other. It would be using the spouse for their own selfish gratification.

According to Pope John Paul II, the opposite of loving a person is using a person as an object.


#18

Is oral sex wrong even when it is not used to prevent pregnancy?

For example, if the lady was pregnant already, or if you later climaxed again inside her?

:confused:


#19

I posted this in a previous reply, but since it answers your question, here it is again.

Marital Embrace Question
WARNING!! This question and answer is of a mature nature. Parental discretion is advised.


#20

What if she is pregnant???

I just don’t get the concept of why it ‘has to go in there’ if for one reason or another, going in there won’t do anything.

I could imagine why it’d be bad if they were trying to avoid, but if the woman is pregnant, or say, 60, whats the difference?


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