Similar to other post about rebuilding trust in marriage, but this time for engaged couples.?
I’ve dated my fiance for 2.5 years and been engaged for 5 months.God willing we’re getting married next summer.Through out our relationship the truth has been revealed to a lot of his lies.Usually I get upset for a day or two but try to trust he won’t deceive me again. When is enough, enough?How do you rebuild trust in relationships?
Two months after we started dating in 2010 I found out my fiance was still in contact with his ex girlfriend of 6 months on and off long distance. Total I think they spent a month together but always kept in touch via skype and e-mail. I was extremely upset. He told me his ex did not want to see him because she had a new boyfriend and at one point in time my fiance and his ex were very close, so her new boyfriend wouldn’t approve of them hanging out.I let it slide because we just started dating and weren’t serious but still felt heart broken.After dating for 2 months, you would think he’d moved on and been interested in me more.He told me he felt bad for the way he treated his ex (premarital sex and using her) and wanted to see how she was but he had no interest in getting back together with her as a year had gone by since he last saw her.
Over time I randomly asked if he still had photos of her and if he still had her blocked on facebook.He said he still had photos on his laptop, hard drive, even had picture collages of her, and said she was no longer blocked but he never looked at the photos or thought of her. I thought that was a little suspicious.As far as I know the photos are deleted.
Christmas 2011 my fiance gave me a pearl necklace and earrings.A few months previously I read a message he sent to his friend as we were editing photos together.In the message to his friend he mentioned he bought pearls off e-bay for his ex girlfriend. When he gave me the pearls I asked if he originally bought them for me and he lied and said yes.I just ignored it. But I brought it up in conversation this week and told him I had seen the message he sent to his friend about the pearls because he asked why I never wore them. He admitted to lying and apologized.I was more so hurt he lied to me but it also hurt knowing he didn’t originally buy the necklace for me.
Recently I also stumbled across an online forum we belong to.I joined for no reason really and only logged onto my account once a couple years ago. It is a rather risque forum, often talking about women in bathing suits, rating women’s faces 1-10, men talking about how many women they’d slept with. It is a really crude forum.I looked at my fiance’s past posting and for the last 2 years he had been looking at risque photos of women and talking about them as if they were meat. :shrug: This isn’t the guy I thought I was marrying.The last time he posted on the forum was 6 months ago though. He also posted about his ex girlfriend and his forum friend made a comment about how hot his ex was.I saw he also posted a few rude things about my father, some personal information about me like my name, posted a photo of me to show to his “forum friends”. When I saw this it hurt so much because I trusted him with everything. I felt so stupid, naive, and disrespected when I read his past posting in this forum, only a few days ago.
I had never asked to much about his past before until recently. After looking at his forum postings I had to ask questions. A couple years ago he told me he’d never told anyone he loved them before or spoke with anyone else about marriage except me.Well when I asked him a few days ago, he admitted to apparently telling his ex he loved her and they spoke about marriage before too. I’m mostly hurt he lied, but It makes me wonder if I was just a rebound he ended up falling for because his ex already moved onto someone else. It hurts to know he actually loved someone before me and slept with people in the past. I’m still a virgin.
After I confronted my fiance a couple days ago about the pearl necklace lie, forum postings I found, and how upset I was he didn’t tell me the truth about his previous relationships, he apologized. He said he wasn’t happy with the way he used to be and wants to change. Recently he’s been going to daily mass and monthly confession. With a past of telling lies and deceiving me sometimes, I’m finding it very hard to trust him again. I do care for him but we aren’t married yet. He’s very patient and we’ve spoken about the miscommunication and lies over and over again. He said he lied about the past because he didn’'t feel comfortable talking about it and he has promised to try to never lie again. I’m not trying to make him out to be a bad person in this forum, because he’s not. We’re all sinners. I just don’t know how to overcome past lies and hurting knowing he’s slept with other women. :shrug: