Recent convert with marriage issue


#1

I recently converted to Catholicism and during the entire process my wife was supportive of it. After my baptism and confirmation, she started attending church with me on Sundays and seemed to like it.

Now after a few months she is really skeptical about it all. She doesn’t say anything bad about mass but her body language speaks volumes. I asked her about it and she said she feels weird.

I almost feel like asking her not to go to mass with me, but I don’t want that. I truly would like her to come to mass and open her ears and heart as to what is being said.

Any advice from anyone who has been through something similar would be appreciated.


#2

Why not suggest RCIA to her. That way she would learn more about the Church and Mass. You might even volunteer to go with her. She does not have to join the Church, but at least she would know what was going on. I was an RCIA sponsor last year and I got a lot out of the sessions too.


#3

She has told our Priest that she would like to attend RCIA in September when the classes start. I have offered to go with her in the past, but he attitude has turned 50/50 negative towards the church. I'm not sure if she will even go now.


#4

I wouldn’t be pushy with her either way. Don’t suggest that she shouldn’t come to mass! You never know how God’s grace may reach her while she is there in His presence.

Definitely keep communicating with her and express to her how appreciative and happy you are when the two of you go to mass together as a family unit. If she has concerns, do try to get to the bottom of them and help her feel more comfortable. But ultimately you just need to pray and leave it in God’s hands. Honestly, I’m sure Satan would love to derail both of you from the Church–it sounds like he is putting lies and worries in your wife’s head. The only way to combat that is prayer.

Also if possible try to surround yourselves with positive and holy Catholic friends who can provide a good example for your wife and make her feel more at home in the Church.

My husband was raised Catholic (sort of) but had mostly fallen away from the Church when we met. He only started going back to mass when he met me, so I understand the ups and downs that can come with this process. (Also my father was not Catholic for the first years of my parents’ marriage, but he came around later). You have my prayers.


#5

Let’s pray for her conversion, and an openness to RCIA.
I also pray for the RCIA facilitators, that they receive her with kindness, understanding and a zeal for the truth, so that they present the Church, with all its gifts, as a pearl of great price.

I also pray for you. Have patience with your wife. Lover her into the church by being kind and happy when she does attend with you, but don’t push…

Just PUSH (Pray until something happens ) :slight_smile:

Speaking from experience …

Blessings


#6

Honeymoon with the Church is over.

Now she faces the same monotony every Sunday.

I think long talks do not matter. Love her, appreciate her, let her feel that, though she may feel weird, she is doing for you and that you are deeply grateful to her, pamper her for the sacrifice she is doing and let the Lord do the rest, ok?

Tell me: who, in the world did not feel weird going to the mass? Sometimes you are aching, your bones ache from yesterday’s football match, or there is a match going on when you go to the church, or it is hot, or cold, or wet, or the priest’s sermon is boring.

Dont expect your wife to feel the Glory of the Lord as in Heaven each time seh goes to the mass.

Im worse than her: I am always absent-minded. What can I do?

I go, nevertheless…


#7

I believe the best thing you can do for her is pray for her and be the best example that you can be. Not just on Sundays but all the time!

I believe the worst thing you can do is suggest she not come. That would be really counter-productive. I totally understand your thinking because when I first started attending (I'm a new convert) I was completely lost and I was so focused on my own experience, that my teenage children coming with me drove me crazy. They were unattentive, distracting, and flat out disrespectful. That took away from my own experience, and I did actually avoid bringing them so I could focus on my own faith. I now see the error of my ways and how self serving that was when I should have been focusing on the state of all our souls.

Try to remember how overwhelming it all was at first and then remember that this is something you actually sought out. Imagine it from her perspective and offer up any frustration that her presence causes you!

God bless you!


#8

One thing you might consider too is that YOU are the Catholic. SHE is still on the outside looking in. You might want to find something like a women’s book club or something that she can do without you where she can express herself separate from you and learn where she does not feel confined to your opinions. This is a discernment period for her whereas you have already made your decision. It is important to make sure her formation is her own as well lest she say later that she did it for you.


#9

Thank you everyone for the advice. She is a little eager to go to mass tomorrow. I didn’t ask her to go, I just asked her if she wants me to wake her before I leave and she said she wanted to go.


#10

With all due respect, that sounds kind of controlling. I am sure that is not how you meant it but it is quite possibly how your wife is perceiving it.

For example, your wife tries aerobics for the first time and LOVES it. So you support her and agree to find money for her to join the gym and plan your schedules to allow her time to do aerobics. And your wife turns around and says ‘That is not good enough, you have to come with me AND you have to enjoy it’

Now, to a Catholic church is a much more serious matter than aerobics. But your wife is NOT the Catholic so to her they are on the same footing. She is perhaps resenting that you are enjoying the Catholic lifesatyle more and more and expecting her to do the same thing.

Remember you did not joined the church because you are wise and smart, you joing the church becausee God gave you the gift of faith and for that you should be grateful. Until God sees fit to give your wife the gift of faith, thank her for respecting your beliefs and strive to be the best Catholic you can be. Which includes live and let live

I know this is easier said and done.

CM


#11

She is not under my control at all. I think perhaps you might be sensitive to it yourself.

I constantly tell her everything is at her pace regarding the church. My post was about me not getting as much out of mass due to her attitude and body language at church. It was/is distracting.


#12

[quote="demetrios423, post:9, topic:249912"]
Thank you everyone for the advice. She is a little eager to go to mass tomorrow. I didn't ask her to go, I just asked her if she wants me to wake her before I leave and she said she wanted to go.

[/quote]

Excellent! Let attending or not attending Mass be her choice. She just might be wrestling with an issue right now and has doubts if the Church is right for her. Just be supportive and ask her if she has anything on her mind that she would like to talk about or if you can answer any questions. My husband would silently stew about something, finally ask me about it, and find out that he had the wrong impression all along! Some people just like to get it clear in their own heads with as little help as possible. :shrug:


#13

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