If a person is called to marriage will s/he experience that call as a desire for the married state - over and above the desire for unity with a particular person - or as a desire to find the person with whom s/he can enter the married state?
That’s probably not too clear, but here’s what I’m getting at: I hear from some people that they approach dating with the goal of marriage uppermost in their mind, and regard each new date with the attitude that they will marry this person unless there turns out to be a really compelling reason not to. The founder of a particular dating site recommended an approach like this. There are, in this view, any number of people one could have a happy life with, and most people waste too many years when they could persevere with the first eligible person they meet and be just as happy as those who spend years waiting for their soul mate.
By this theory, if you’re called to marriage, you want to attaining that state more than you want to find a person who sets your heart afire.
The other school of thought says that nobody wants someone to marry them because their partner wants to be married and figured s/he would be an acceptable means to achieve that goal, but somebody else might do just as well. Don’t most of us want to be singled out and chosen because our partner does not want to be without us?
I never gave the first point of view any consideration until lately when it’s getting tough to continue being a lonely romantic.
Any thoughts out there? If you’re really called to marriage, should you make it your business to get married and try to fall in like if you can’t manage to fall in love?