Reconciling love for two different vocations


I am really struggling with understanding what vocation God has made me for. (I purposely avoid using the word “discernment” because I think its overused.)

One one hand, I am really in love with God. But, on the other hand, I still am holding on tight to my desire to have children one day.

Now, am I being excessively stubborn in holding on to this desire or should I wait longer to see if God has a spouse for in min the future?

Is there any way to reconcile a desire to marry Jesus (religious life) and have biological children?

and in general this has been made a lot harder for me since I am plagued with indecisiveness.

(Also, I don’t have a spiritual director and probably won’t be able to get one anytime soon)



You might want to read “In This House of Brede” by Rumer Godden. One of the characters has the same dilemma.


Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your discernment.


Well, Annie17on12, you can visit a community and keep praying about it. Partly it depends on your age. The main thing is not to just ignore Jesus when he is speaking to you. It’s important to follow one’s true vocation to have peace in life.

Are you 17 or maybe 29? lol


Several things:
I can assure you that we married women love God. ALOT. :wink:
Have you contacted your Vocations Director in your Diocese? They can help you.
If you are young, pray hard, study hard, and look for guidance from a Vocations director AND your Spiritual Director If you don’t have one, get one!
Your path will eventually come clear. There’s no rush either way. trust God. Both vocations are very rewarding and worthy. God desires faithful religious. God desires faithful mothers.
God bless.


I’ve heard women in religious life say what you said about wanting to have children and being a mom. They discovered that in religious life, they are mothers to many children- spiritual mothers. I’m sure they could explain it far better than I.


when I turned 30 I prayed that God show me which way to go, either religious life or marriage. I didn’t think of it so much as a desire to have children but a willingness to make the sacrifice to have children. Before I had turned 31 I had met my future husband. I now have two great sons. But I think I would have been just as happy living a religious life. Both vocations have joys and sorrows.

simply offer your life to God and let him choose for you.


I’m actually 22 but I created this account a long time ago. I haven’t been posting until recently. :slight_smile:


Sigh …and while I am in love with God, I could never see myself living in a convent. I am extremely independent so to have a Superior would probably cause me some annoyance. Wouldn’t living in a convent feel a bit like being caged in? This is probably the same reason I haven’t been in a relationship yet. :stuck_out_tongue:

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. You are right; I need to breathe, take it one step and a time and trust in the Lord. :o


This is a good film I recently came across:


Not all nuns live in convents. A surprising number live by themselves or with just one or two others. In our area there are only two convents; one has just three or four sisters in a good-sized house. The other is a huge old convent where a lot of sisters used to live - now there are, I think, fewer than ten. So they’ve got a lot of room for privacy.

That’s right - you don’t have to decide today! Rosalind Moss, now Mother Miriam of the Lamb of God, was a lot older than you when she answered the call of God.


Also, what bugs me is that it isn’t actually a sacrament. Like, marriage is and holy orders are but taking vows in a religious order is not. I just don’t get it…


That’s true, I guess, but you’d have Christ as your spouse, and so he’d confer the Grace for your relationship with Him in a much more direct way. Married people really need the Grace they receive in the Sacrament for their marriage to survive and flourish.


Have you considered becoming a professed member of a Third Order? It would not restrict you (so far as I am aware) from becoming married at some future date, but you would also be able to be part of a structured religious movement within the Church.


As a Secular Franciscan (3rd Order) AND a wife and mother, it is indeed possible to balance both.

I invite you start with your baptismal promises. To be a wife, a member of a third order, or a vowed religious is to live out your baptismal promises more deeply and in closer union with Christ and the Church.

I might also suggest talking to any Sisters you might know about how they knew they were called to the religious life. Ask them specifically if they saw themselves as Sisters when they were young and what they thought about taking vows. Some of their stories may surprise you!

As the Psalm says: Here I am, Lord, I come to do your will.

Peace and all good!


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