Regarding relationships... Please help! :)


#1

Hi everyone

I just have a few quick questions I hope someone could answer for me. (I’m only in High School, so please keep that in mind :slight_smile: )

   So this summer, I went on a Mission Trip and met a really great guy. There was, what seemed like, an instant connection when we began to talk. He has good morals, and seems to really be at the same spiritual level as I am at this time in my life. We have quite a few similar interests. Also, whenever I'm around him, I can't help but feeling overjoyed and hopeful. He helps me to believe that there really are good guys out there and I have a hope of finding one. I had about 4 different people, who were also on the Mission Trip with us, say they thought he liked me by the end of the trip. I haven't gone by one day since the Mission Trip without thinking about him.
 Here comes the tricky part. He has a girlfriend. So this is where my first question comes up.... Is it wrong to have feelings for someone who is currently in a relationship? 
  Also, I have this little voice in my head that I can see myself with him for the rest of my life. It's just an intense, gut feeling. And the fact we are both so close to God makes that gut feeling even stronger to me, not sure why though. So that's my next question. Has anyone out there, who is currently married, had that gut feeling about their current spouse? 

I really just need some feedback, if anyone is willing to help!
Thanks so much!


#2

In my opinion, I think you should keep things strictly to a friendship basis right now. Unless he admits that he was equally enchanted with you and breaks up with his girlfriend, you should just think of him as a friend. You have to know if this is just a one-sided thing, and the best way to do this is to take your time and get to know him as a person, as a buddy. He might just be a flirtatious person, he might sincerely be in love with his girlfriend though he shows interest in you. Don't put your heart into it right this minute because there's a good chance it could get hurt. Pray about it and try to focus on other things. Relationships come and go, crushes come and go.


#3

Will do, thanks so much for the advice!


#4

:) No problem, I hope it works out! God bless!


#5

I have had lots of gut feelings about ladies that have turned out to be dead wrong. I think as single people who are hoping/praying for our future spouses, it's easy to start to want to look for conclusive signs that God is calling us to be with a particular person as soon as we start to experience feelings for him/her. While I do believe that you shouldn't rule out the possibility of there being something between you and this man one day, the fact that he is in a relationship right now does appear to be a pretty clear sign that God isn't calling the two of you to be together at this point in your lives.

I think the key here is to treat God's will for your future spouse as being unknown unless He gives you some really clear and certain sign. God will make something really clear to you if He wants you to know about it! :) The post below definitely shows an example of where God is letting two people know that He is calling them to be together:

forums.catholic.com/showpost.php?p=9613197&postcount=14

For the rest of us single people, we should just try to be open to what God has in store for us and be on the lookout for any signs that would disqualify a particular candidate from being a potential spouse. Things like having a luke-warm relationship towards God, committing serious sin, etc.. are all tell-tale signs that God is not calling us to be with that particular person.

God bless! :)


#6

Do you live in the same city? If he's in a committed relationship then you need to move on. If they break up he may call.

I met my ex-husband on a blind date. As I left the thought crossed my mind that I'd just met the man I was going to marry. We got married 1.5 yrs later.


#7

[quote="Callie714, post:1, topic:300334"]
Hi everyone

I just have a few quick questions I hope someone could answer for me. (I'm only in High School, so please keep that in mind :) )

   So this summer, I went on a Mission Trip and met a really great guy. There was, what seemed like, an instant connection when we began to talk. He has good morals, and seems to really be at the same spiritual level as I am at this time in my life. We have quite a few similar interests. Also, whenever I'm around him, I can't help but feeling overjoyed and hopeful. He helps me to believe that there really are good guys out there and I have a hope of finding one. I had about 4 different people, who were also on the Mission Trip with us, say they thought he liked me by the end of the trip. I haven't gone by one day since the Mission Trip without thinking about him.
 Here comes the tricky part.** He has a girlfriend.** So this is where my first question comes up.... **Is it wrong to have feelings for someone who is currently in a relationship? **
  Also, I have this little voice in my head that I can see myself with him for the rest of my life. It's just an intense, gut feeling. And the fact we are both so close to God makes that gut feeling even stronger to me, not sure why though. So that's my next question. Has anyone out there, who is currently married, had that gut feeling about their current spouse? I really just need some feedback, if anyone is willing to help!

Thanks so much!

[/quote]

Simply for your consideration...

You are not wrong...he is in a "relationship"...he is wrong. There is such a thing as "emotional intimacy"...he is already in that type of relationship with someone else (lets assume not a physical relationship)...and still he engages you in an emotional relationship with you.

Many guys and gals feel that it is perfectly okay to do this...but they are seriously wrong...many relationships and marriages go on the rocks because of this same thing...e,g,. spouse gets into an emotional intimacy loop with someone at work...even without any physical relationship...this is seriously wrong and incredibly insidious...it robs the other spouse...and its a "suicide crash" waiting to happen. Whether in relationships or marriage, especially marriage...taking chances or being cavalier with another person's heart and emotions is severely wrong and labels a person untrustworthy..."with a capital U". So if he has an emotional relationship with her & you...who is next...and who might that be...and when might it happen.

Emotions and gut feelings are perfectly normal...but not a rock foundation for marriage...not even for courting towards marriage...integrity is the key... integrity which is defined as wholeness and completeness...not just truthfulness. This guy lacks that...maybe its just his juvenile immaturity...but you deserve integrity and should not settle for anything less than integrity in any friendship or relationship that you might enter into. Keep his acquaintanceship if you must... but "box up" your emotional feelings for him and put them on the shelf...watch and see...look for that integrity...my bet is you will come to the the right conclusion...and eventually throw that emotional box out! The key is for you not to be hurt or damaged in the process.

Lastly, I told all my daughters when a man truly shows you who he is by doing something contrary to one of your a "non-negotiable" character traits...an aspect of what you want in a man...believe it...don't ignore it...don't sugar coat it ... don't wait for him to change and never ever wish the problem away. They have all told me...that is the best advice that I ever gave them regarding relationships. My wife had the chastity talks with them...and I thank God every day for giving her to me in marriage...in my life.

Pax Christi


#8

Thank you everyone for your responses and advice! :)


#9

I’m so sorry, I left out a part. He has a girlfriend now. He didn’t then. I haven’t seen him much since, so there is nothing emotional going on between him and I. Sorry for the misunderstanding!!!


#10

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.