Regret, envy etc

I might as well lay it out there.
I’ve lived many years in depression, sloth, etc… I was neglected as a child in a dysfunctional family that did not like to spend time together. I also suffer from a lifelong social disorder, might be mild autism or adhd, I dunno which does not allow me to socialize well. It’s like there is a veil between me and others.

I am married, and my wife and kids have suffered because of my struggles to work and be a good father and friend. My wife and I struggle to have couples as friends. We have no one to take trips with because I never connect with the husband. The house is quiet and lonely. My kids picked up on this melancholy and absorbed some of it. They have trouble making friends as well and they are in their early 20’s and on their own.

I know the difference between a healthy happy family and a dysfunctional one, and that is causing me to suffer intensely with guilt and regret. If it were just me doing without vacations and friends, I could deal with that, but my family must suffer and I don’t understand why they must suffer for my personality/sins. My distracted personality has allowed me to be self employed for 25 years but we have never gotten any money saved. We are just treading water financially, emotionally, spiritually. We have no retirement saved and I am 55 and she is 60. I honestly think my wife would be better off sometimes if we separated so she could find someone happy. And she would be horrified to hear me say this but I just have to spit it out somewhere. I’m seeing a counselor next week.

It’s come to the point that I can’t stand to hear about others’ happiness, their nice vacations, the bbq’s and campfires they attend.

I am suffering intensely, and I ask for your prayers that I might come out of this funk.
Thanks for listening.

Clem,
I am glad that you came here for insight. I am sorry for your own upbringing. I wish it could have been better for you, happier, more loving and less dysfunctional. But it wasn’t. Somehow, you were able to marry and have a family despite your past. And despite what you think success is, you have supported your family. Not everyone goes on vacations with their friends. Not everyone has lots of outside friends. But that doesn’t make you abnormal or anything. You don’t need to compare your life to other people’s. Sometimes what you see in them is all for the sake of appearance. Set an example for your children to see by getting help. Let them know you are doing so. Let them see the changes it makes in your life. You have no way of knowing how this change in you will change them too.

However, if you have been living with depression, it is hard look at things rationally sometimes. If you have not already, please, for your sake and the sake of your family, get some counseling. It really can change your life. And your family’s life. Get a check up with your family doctor. He may be able to help with your depression as well, but only if he knows about it!

And finally, if at all possible, attend daily mass, it will also change your life. Make the effort to get there, it really will help.

May God bless you and guide you, and bring you the peace that only he can bring.

Well stated.

Agreed!

Clem, you should start a thread in Prayer Intentions so that more members of the board can see your request and join in prayer with, and for, you.

I am grateful for your replies. The fog is lifting slowly.

Clem, you have what is called “Self-loathing”,
the Bible calls us to another way of looking at self,
“I follow the Law of God in my [mind], but I see
another law at work in [myself], waging war against
the Law of my mind, making me a prisoner of the law
of sin in [myself]” Rom. 7:22-23
And, that is WHY Jesus came, so that by His death,
we can die to self and live for righteousness. 1 Pet.
2:24
You see, we were NEVER meant to love our life on
earth, we were created FOR HEAVEN, Clem, so
don’t be envious of those who SEEM to be success-
ful in life…As Jesus notes:“He who finds life will lose
it, he who loses his life for my sake will find it.” Matt.
10:39
As for your worries about your spouse and family,
they are from the Lord, GIVE THEM to Him in prayer,
He can work wonders, Paul says in Eph. 3:20 “God
is able to do exceedingly abundantly ABOVE all we
ask or think, according to His power within us”
You can find GREAT workings of God thru the Church,
because Paul continues in v. 21 “to Him be the glory
IN THE CHURCH and in Christ Jesus”, ask fellow
church ppl to PRAY for you!!! You are already doin`
that by posting this thread!

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