Nearly 22 year old gal here to offer some extra perspective:
Honestly, I don’t think it’s common for people to learn enough about each other in a few months to discern if they want or don’t want to be with the other person, especially if they’ve been physically intimate and not communicating. (Sparing some glaring problems and flags. Maybe these are the flags for you, but I’m just trying to be positive. Why did you like her in the first place? Do you know why she liked you in the first place?)
On being clingy, it’s VERY easy for emotional people to do this. Especially when they meet a good person. So, it isn’t healthy behavior, but if you’re her first serious boyfriend, or if you’ve been the nicest one she’s had, that could be playing a part. In which case, she needs to gain/build confidence in herself and in trust, both that she’ll be fine if it doesn’t work out or learn to.stand on her own even if it does work out. Direct her to a spiritual director maybe?
(Regardless, just based on what’s been said, I’m assuming she’s struggling with self esteem problems. It’s SOOO common.)
Dating is exactly the time to expect people to change; it’s when you’re married that you’ve chosen that person as they are/where they are.
If she prays formally and doesn’t know how to pray otherwise maybe she hasn’t developed her faith? In which case you could teach her a lot. I’d say a bigger problem would be lack of openness to learn and grow in the faith.
Two main points:
- As my priest says, “don’t make huge decisions during super emotional/chaotic times.” I don’t know how much this applies, but keep that in mind for more than just this situation.
1.5 Definitely talk to a priest. Maybe he can talk to both of you separately and then together? Depends on how serious you are to see if it can work or not.
- Definitely talk to her about how you think things are going too fast, that you’re worried about how she reacts to things and her clinginess. My ex had concerns that he only mentioned briefly so I didn’t realize anything was a major problem until he broke it off. Give her the chance to work on herself. Maybe she will grow. Maybe slowing things down physically and just facetiming or talking on the phone or texting could help establish a line of communication that would give you more info discern one way or another.
There’s a text limit! my post will be in two parts, sorry for such a long response.