Wow, you must have been in a very unique situation to be so sure of yourself with that statement. I mean, I get the whole “avoid the near occasion of sin”, but come on! What’s going to happen with the next relationship? I mean, if a girl isn’t sexually attractive to you (the only sure fire way to not be tempted) what’s the point in being in a relationship at all?
Any act of sexual impurity before marriage is not an act of love.
Objectively, that’s true. But just because you engage in impure acts doesn’t mean you do not love the person! Any real love has passion… impure acts are just a misdirected or perverted passion. Granted, the further entrenched you are in sexual sin the harder it is for you to discern real love, but I doub any one here has yet to fully master his passions.
But a true lover will sacrifice his own desires, for his salvation’s sake, for his love’s sake, and for the good of whatever relationship you may have together in the future, and work to heal these problems ON HIS OWN.
What??? Dude, one of the points of a loving relationship (even pre-marriage) is to learn how to help eachother through troubles. And what if he does go out and fix himself “on his own”. What of her? Doesn’t he have some obligation to help her through a struggle? And how can you tell if you’ve healed yourself if you never put yourself in a situation to know?
Ok, I’m not in a pleasant mood to begin with, so to the poster of this message, I’m sorry if I’m hard on you. But, honestly, I think that post was sanctimonius garbage. Perhaps you were lucky enough to be raised with an unshakable moral fiber, find someone with that same moral fiber, and have a strong enough will to never fall into temptation. Praise God, if that’s the case! For the rest of us, that situation doesn’t present itself too often.
To the original poster, I’ve been there. Personally, no matter what age you are, often that kind of sin is just a manifestation of immaturity, especially since you’re not going “all the way”. I know that’s what it was for us. We had just an incredible chemistry (physical, emotional, spiritual) and, not being mature in our lives or our faith, it’s so easy to let your passions take over. Self-mastery is a life long journey, so don’t get too down on yourself if it’s a struggle. We got to a point where we could break that habit (and yes, it’s before marriage/sex )
Now, having said that, you have to find that deep sense of regret. Avoiding the locations, situations, etc. is all fine and good, but without that deep felt remorse, it’s just a shallow patch job. You need the other person to inspire you to want to do right spiritually by them. Granted, that desire doesn’t always translate into action (it’s not a magic cure), but it absolutely has to be there. Let your desire to help the other person guide you and you’ll have a shot.
From my own experience, our relationship was the best thing in my life even while we were engaging in impure acts. But, had we never found out how to be pure, it would never have been this absolutely, totally and amazingly wonderful thing. Sexual sins before marriage is the equivalent of throwing a diamond in the mud. Sure, if you pick it up, you might be able to tell it’s a diamond (or not), but you’ll never be sure nor will you be able to appreciate its beauty until you scrape all that excess away. My two cents