Relationship Anxiety

Hi, everyone, I’m just looking for thoughts, opinions, advice, or words of encouragement, because I feel like I’m turning to my family with all my insecurities and that they’re getting tired of it. Warning, this is going to sound like the crazy rant of a teenager looking for attention, but I’m kind of a late bloomer in the dating department, so here goes:

I started dating a woman a little over a month ago and she’s amazing to the point where I don’t feel worthy to be around her. She’s smart and funny and has all these interesting stories and she’s so confident and in touch with her emotions and opinions even though she claims to be shy, I don’t think she really knows what that word means, because she really isn’t. But I am none of those things, except I am shy. I don’t know how to share my emotions, thoughts, opinions, or experiences in a natural kind of way, call it social anxiety. Compared to her, I find my life to be boring, I have not accomplished anything worth while in the past few years, and I have nothing to contribute to the relationship, and that she’s going to find that out soon, and leave, and I can’t blame her.

We are both catholic, and she was attracted to the faith she thought she saw in me, and I thought that was something I’d be able to contribute to the relationship, but sometimes I feel like my faith is just a mask, and that the way some of my actions and thoughts come out, it shows I have not completely integrate my faith into my life. I want to change things about me, my social skills, I want to accomplish things, go places, experience things, but I feel like talk is cheap, and I can tell her my goals for the future, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to follow through with actions.

Okay, I just needed to get that out, and it’s not even everything I wanted to say, but I know that most relationships don’t work out, but she’s great and it will suck if my anxiety really makes me blow this, but I’m sure that moment is coming soon, and I constantly have ideas that I should end it first and it tears me apart.

If anyone has made it this far, congratulations! Please send help.

Praying for your intentions.

Try to relax and pray to Our Holy Mother and St. Joseph.

This woman may be the first of a few women you try to get to know better or she may be ‘The one’, only time will tell.

Sounds as if you are setting yourself up for failure, if you doubt yourself and your faithfulness to the faith. God has created you as*** good*** and you must try to remind yourself of this fact

Ask her what has drawn her to you. Discuss the doubts/ imperfections of your faith with her.

Ask others who know you well what are your best assets/virtues are (strive to keep them) AND what your faults/vices are (to work on getting rid of them).

Enjoy just getting to know each other.

Praying for you.

Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is
The fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, mother of God,
Pray for us sinners now and at the
hour of our death.
Amen.

A negative self esteem can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You must try to find value in yourself, otherwise your negative self opinion will become too wearying on any girlfriend. To start with, this girl obviously sees good points in you. Value that. And use it as a stepping stone to better self esteem.

Even if this relationship ends, and as you note many of them do for any number of reasons, you can still take comfort in the fact that such a great girl wanted to date you to begin with. There must be something about you that attracted her.

If you can take that and parlay it into a better self confidence, you will give this relationship a much better chance of success.

The best way to undercut anxiety is to not fight it.
Give it the space it wants.

I’m not certain exactly how your anxiety surfaces or the symptoms that go along with it, however; whether it’s racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts, physical symptoms… just let them be there and don’t pay them as much respect. That’s how you undercut the intensity of them. And, in time, they just won’t be issues for you.

God bless.

First, consider yourself blessed that such an amazing person is dating you.

Second, stop beating up on yourself. Consider positive self - talk or consider reciting scriptures that reinforce your belief in the strength that each of us gets from belief in Jesus Christ. Is 45:2, Is 45:24, Is 40:31.

Third, a chance to date the right girl can be a powerful motivator to advance. It turned my life around. So look at what you can do to improve yourself and start taking some small steps toward your goal. Consider regularly reading a self help book.

Also, the phenomenon of the quiet guy and the outgoing partner is very common. I would not worry about it. Just play your own game and develop your own skills as best you can.

Also, we are all anxious about something, especially if we are moving forward and trying new things.

Good luck.

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